Jan 05

THE FT TOP 100 SONGS: 100, Sultans Of Ping FC – “Where’s Me Jumper” (1992)

FT + New York London Paris Munich//11 comments • 5,807 views

An OLD MAN and a WISE MAN are sitting on a bench.

WISE MAN: Tell me, Old Man, if you had one piece of advice to give young students, what would it be?
OLD MAN: I would tell them to be neither too proud or too ashamed of their music taste. The music you hear when you are young will expand to fill the space you provide for it, regardless of how good or bad it is. Perhaps you will be lucky, and you will find that the music you hear at 18 remains excellent. Perhaps you will be unlucky, and your bloom of youth will be wasted on awful novelty indie records that if you screw up your ears sound a tiny bit like a Wedding Present B-Side. But do not congratulate or blame yourself – it is not your choice.
OLD MAN: You disagree?
WISE MAN: I would say that the music you use to accompany good times becomes good through them. Don’t be so quick to discount or belittle pleasure. The time you spend alone, weighing and measuring music with the benefit of hindsight, is surely worth less than the time you spent belting its nonsensical lyrics out on walks back from the pub.
OLD MAN: Preposterous! Next you’ll be telling me not to be ashamed of remembering all those lyrics word for word.
WISE MAN: What lyrics?
OLD MAN: (takes deep breath) “My! Brother! Knows Karl Mark! Met him eating mushrooms in the People’s Park! He said what do you think about my manifesto? I like your manifesto, put it to the testo…”

(exit pursued by an angry dog)


  1. 1
    fivelongdays on 10 Sep 2006 #

    But isn’t that true of pretty much every “great” record ever? It’s all about context. Which you’ve summed up brilliantly, so I’ll shut up now.

  2. 2
    Drucius on 20 Jul 2007 #

    Wouldn’t a “Top 100 Song Of all Time, Ever, Ever” always be a “Top Song” rather than a bit of an embarrasment? At the time I thought it was a tedious novelty song with all the charm of Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps, Please.

  3. 3
    Dale Carlin on 20 Jul 2007 #

    Do you know, we all thought that was going to be a big hit, it was played to death everywhere…


    …but it only got to number 67! But they did have six more hits, only one of which made the Top 40.


    Good band, though.

  4. 4
    Alan on 20 Jul 2007 #

    a tedioustremendous novelty song with all the charm of Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps, Please. That is to say, IMMENSE AMOUNTS OF CHARM


    also, note, this is number 100 in the top 100.

  5. 5
    Marcello Carlin on 20 Jul 2007 #


    I expect he probably preferred “Goodnight Girl” at the time.

  6. 6
    Drucius on 22 Jul 2007 #

    No, definitely tedious. I saw them once and they were bloody awful.

  7. 7
    Marcello Carlin on 23 Jul 2007 #

    Wet Wet Wet certainly were bloody awful.

  8. 8
    Drucius on 23 Jul 2007 #

    I saw them once too, and they were worse.

  9. 9
    lizzy on 17 Sep 2007 #

    grrr; woof ……

  10. 10
    Mark G on 3 Jul 2008 #

    When I first met Dawn, I thought “What do I do? Take her to see all my favourite bands? Or just carry on seeing the new bands that I would?”

    Opted for the second, as it would be terrible going to see various bands in an attempt to say “This band is part of what makes me me”, and also it’s more about being open to new and interesting things not settling for the comfort of what you know.

    So, we went to see the Sultans of Ping FC, after hearing “Where’s me jumper” on the radio and buying the single and deciding all three tracks were fine.

    Their first song on the night was “Kick me with your leather boots”. I was alarmed briefly. Would she think I was ‘into’ S&M or something?

    She smiled.

    We never looked back.

  11. 11
    Gareth Parker on 11 Jun 2021 #

    (#7) Even Wet Wet Wet aren’t as “bloody awful” as your tedious comments!

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