Posts from 15th April 2009

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Apr 09

The Shower Of Shit Begins: 2: Slow AND Sedate

FT4 comments • 230 views

It is quite easy to make a movie franchise out of a concept which is all style and no substance. The theory is simple: if people are willing to see one film with fast cars, alpha males and girls galore, they will keep going to see them. The Fast And The Furious films seem to bear this out, as they have staggered through losing their charismatic leading man, their extremely uncharismatic other leading man and a transplant to a wholly different country and set of characters. So the new Fast And Furious film which drops its definite articles has a rather amusing unique selling point. THE STARS OF THE ORIGINAL FILM RETURN: in a franchise which had made it crystal clear that it does not matter who is in the films.

So hail hail the gang is all here. Look its grumpy Vin Diesel who has shat on three franchises now (XXX and the Riddick films) and has a Producer credit, presumably to make the whole affair look less desperately like a comeback. Then there is Paul Walker, a man as dull as his name, who played the undercover cop turned to the dark side in not one but two Fast And Furiouses (2 Fast 2 Furious 2 Silly being the nadir). Look its Michelle Rodriguez, the one with actual charisma, though also with copious convictions for drink driving. Still these films are all about breaking the traffic laws.

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IRENE CARA – “Fame”

FT + Popular27 comments • 2,909 views

#505, 17th July 1982

The lust for fame has always been a crucial pop motivation, but there are periods when that flame seems to burn more nakedly than others. In his classic book on the New Pop and, Like Punk Never Happened, Dave Rimmer is quite candid about the primary motivations for the crop of stars breaking through in ’82: they wanted money. And the way to money was celebrity.

But the concept of celebrity – much like the individual slebs themselves – requires an occasional trip to rehab. The very idea of fame needs to refresh itself periodically, put on a bit of slap, remind the unfamous why they admire the ambition and hunger even as they’re laughing at the hubris and folly. And in the early 80s the Fame film and TV show was a vehicle for doing this.

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why only some mummies scream

FTPost a comment • 365 views

palermo-capuchin-catacombs-c-paradoxit’s less about poisons in the treacherous court of king tut, and more about binding gravely headgear, pretty much

The Shower Of Shit Begins: 1: Race To THAT Mountain

Do You See + FT1 comment • 156 views

Over the weekend I found myself with a hankering to see lousy movies. Well was I in luck OR WHAT! Because a late Easter means a perfect shit storm of kids films and blockbusters not quite good enough to wait until official blockbuster season arrives (first weekend in May*). So it came to pass that I saw the Star Trek trailer FOUR TIMES (off the cliff, off the cliff!!!) at the Wood Green Cineworld during films that I would have been tempted to join the rest of the audience in talking over and making mobile phone calls. Note, none of these films cost me money, merely time which I am now chalking up to some sort of anthropological / psychological study to distract from the fact that I actively wanted to watch these films on purpose.

I will leave you guessing what the other three were, but the first of this perfect shit storm was Disney remake/reimagining/retarded RACE TO WITCH MOUNTAIN. It was also quite possibly the best of the four films I saw. Basically humanoid kiddie aliengs crash land their spaceship, run to Las Vegas, then hire a cab to get back to their crashed ship. I say basically because there is a Terminatoresque (not Terminator X) killing machine chasing them and the usual government Men In Black incompetently almost capturing them for an hour and a half. Oh and they have to pick up a science experiment because the secret of intergalactic salvation is hidden on Earth.

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