LONDON BRIDGE IN MICKEY TAKING SHOCKER: Whilst standing in a bleary haze on platform 6 waiting for the train to Charing Cross (it’s these details that make or BREAK! a successful blogger, I tell yer) I look up and see a picture of a RAM in a Gentleman’s Club in a pose of confident recline that I imagine Boris Johnson to assume at the East Croydon Conservative Club, or something. Either way, the posing RAM was in my vision on a honking great big BILLBOARD for YOUNGS B33R. Argh! What is a lady to DO faced with the prospect of CCP’s so early in the morning?
A lady looks away.
To the next billboard, my eye drifts. An “art-deco” picture of some beach-houses, the type one expects to see on posters from the 50s advertising “See Brighton by RAIL!”. I sigh in relief. Surely this is just an advert for one of those bizarre City tailors that make pink shirts and yellow faux-silk ties and think this is a GOOD THING?? Seriously! Have you seen them? It’s NOT RIGHT! Oh look at me, digressing again. Yes but, I then look at the subtle text at the top, and instead of reading “Moss Bros” or something, it reads “ADNAMS. THE BEER FROM THE COAST” (or words to that effect).
B#stards!!!
Overcome by the double WHAMMO of TWO BEER ADVERTS before 8am, I fall over on my bottom and sit in a puddle, and scratch my head in overwhelment.
Then the train comes, and I note to my horror that I am sitting opposite a lady wearing nails which are painted red, blue, green, black and red again. I do not endorse this. Hands that look like they belong to children’s TV presenters should NOT in fact live on a white-bloused commuter. No! They should be teamed with DUNGAREES, and GUNGE! Won’t someone let her KNOW, I thought??
Luckily the train then ARRIVED and I committed no social FAUX PAS.
I’ve digressed for the THIRD TIME, I note, but I shall leave by imparting you with the FACT that I’ve just had a DOUGHNUT. Oh I love doughnuts. Not much JAM in the middle though. Come on Tesco, get a grip…