IN THIS BLEAK MIDWINTER frosty wind may well moan, but it has been drowned out by the chorus of complaint surrounding the high levels of cranberry in this year’s festive sanger selections. As we saw on door 13, the dread red has infiltrated even the humble falafel wrap in the name of Christmas theming. Is the EU trying to deplete its cranberry mountain prior to Br3x1t? Is a shady city dealer trying to rig cranberry futures on the fruit exchange? Are we living in a poorly edited Doctor Who Xmas Special wherein those who consume the pervasive substance are subject to mind control by forces sinister?

As a devoted correspondent I chose to answer these questions by seeking out the cranberry directly – not once, but TWICE. By choosing a sanger with cranberry at its core design rather than shoehorned in, perhaps the result would be better? To maximise my chances of success, I opted for the canonical pairing of BRIE and ventured out to my two most loyal food haunts (i.e. the two closest shops to the office): Pret and Sainsburys.

PRET brie & cranberry baguette with toasted pistachios and wild rocket: Filling and stodgy, with plenty of nutty base notes from the pistachio. The cranberry was not overwhelming, but lacked flair. It could have easily been replaced by something superior, e.g. a sweet garlic chutney. The baguette itself was standard Pret business: soft enough not to break your dentures but substantial enough to provide structural integrity.

SAINS brie & cranberry ‘good to go’ sandwich: A simple effort with plain white no-nonsense bread. Some decent wodges of brie here, nice thick slices which feel like good value for money with every bite. The cranberry sauce was a bit runnier than usual, more like a jelly than a jam but with a weird non-Newtonian consistency. If the alien infiltration theory had any merit this would be Exhibit A (“but Doctor, the sauce is dripping upwards…”).

It’s hard to pick a winner – both feel like solid 6/10s. Sains had more cheese, Pret had the bonus nut element. Perhaps I should find a tie-breaker elsewhere? Or is this the addictive power of pure cranberry pulling me into its sticky grasp? Why are those men in the car outside wearing black sunglasses in December? Why is this sparkly light coming out of my fingertips? To be continued…