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Oct 04

FREAKY TRIGGER TOP 25 SCARIEST THINGS: 5. Razorblades on the Waterslide

Blog 75 comments • 3,573 views

There’s a Matt Groening cartoon called “Kids Want To Know”, reproduced by Greil Marcus in Dead Elvis, in which one of the “Life In Hell” rabbits is glumly musing upon various difficult questions. “Which would you rather do,” he asks himself, “slide naked down a 50ft razor blade or suck the snot from a dog’s nose until its head caves in?”Fairly primal fears, these, and the choice between excruciation and disgust is tricky. But no-one’s going to suck dog snot by mistake: it will never be much of a surprise. But imagine a razorblade was placed maliciously on a waterslide, and a sequence of events which might run like this:

swimming fun -> desire for greater excitement -> whooshing happily down the waterslide -> sliced lengthwise by a razorblade -> not feeling it initially -> slow but quickening sting of chlorine as you plunge into the water -> tell-tale spread of blood in the pool -> realising the blood’s yours.

It’s not just the pain, though razorblades on the waterslide are likely to be painful at best. It’s the randomness, and the helplessness, and the miserable shock in the juxtaposition between innocent fun and potentially grievous injury. Most fearful of all is the delayed realisation, arriving in the form of the sharpest of stings, and only when the damage has been done.

Comments

  1. 1
    maegan on 9 Sep 2006 #

    wow. after reading this i am scared of the possibility. thank you for scaring me into not going on water slides. ass.

  2. 2
    Tom on 9 Sep 2006 #

    !!! Did you not read the title as presented to you by googlesearch??

    Kids these days.

  3. 3
    Heather on 28 Nov 2008 #

    I guess, but curiosity killed the cat.

    No more waterslides for me :(

  4. 4
    Vinnie on 18 Mar 2012 #

    I heard of this story since I was 10. I was bit funny with going on the waterslides then but I am ok with them now.

  5. 5
    Jordan on 21 Jun 2013 #

    trust me, my friend was luckjy, he went down one and his arm was the bit caught by the razor. i saw red in the plunge-pool, and then saw my friends arm had a huge flap of flesh hanging off it. i had eaten only about 1 and 1/2 hours ago, and it all came up. most horrific sight i have seen in 14 years.

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