I’m not sure if I have ever eaten anything but chips in a Sam Smith’s pub. They all seem to do food; various menus – usually laminated paper – dot their pubs unnoticed until the bar staff come round and whip them away at nine. A slow evening upstairs at the Brickies last night actually pushed us to examining one. Inside would be what – pre-Thai food explosion – would have been standard pub fayre. Fish’n’Chips or Ham, Egg and Chips (prompting the timely how many eggs are in a brace argument*). The high-point of this menu was the food descriptions: an honest statement of the constituent parts followed by a somewhat joyless declarative sentence garnished with the mark of insincerity – the double exclaimation mark.

So Fish’n’Chips : The timeless classic!!
Ham, Egg and Chips : Simple yet delicious!!
Greek Feta Salad: A taste of summers passed!! (sic and quite possibly sick).
I have a new one to replace their Lasagne and Chips: A tasty square meal!! Rather Lasagne and Chips: Dr Atkins would turn in his grave!!

I cannot say honestly that the food on offer made me want to eat there, the sniffiness that eating pub fayre has trained into me suggests that the traditional loving care that Smith’s puts into their pub interiors would also stretch to authentic food. Equally I would worry that rather than using Cheddar in their Lasagne, they might use Ayangercheese. Not to mention the D-Dam…

*The answer to this is dependant on whether you are a thirteen year old girl undergoing orthodontic treatment.