ALVIN STARDUST – "Jealous Mind"

And Magnet’s anxious PR supremo – the man responsible for resuscitating the artist formerly known as Bernard Jewry and giving him his new name – was the erstwhile Coventry Northern Soul DJ Pete Waterman.

“YOU MUST BE OUT OF YOUR TINY MINDS!”

Probably best remembered now by those who were there at the time for his Green Cross Code adverts – as immortalised on his flop 1975 single “Be Smart, Be Safe” – early 208 adverts for “My Coo-Ca-Choo” bore the slogan “Who Is EL-vin Stardust?” since the idea was to cross Elvis and Gene Vincent but Waterman had a late change of heart and went for Alvin. There was a very brief “Who Is The Mystery Singer?” campaign, and this was not unprecedented – Marty Wilde attempted a glam comeback a couple of years earlier under the name of Zappo (by ’74 he was busy writing and producing Continental, if not British, hits for son Ricky) – but Alvin made no bones about it being panto glam and he knew that it had a limited lifespan.

“My Coo-Ca-Choo” was totally “Spirit In The Sky” and “Jealous Mind” was more of the same (though “Coo-Ca-Choo” ended up the bigger seller) and by ’75 the hits were over, so that year’s startling electro reworking of “Move It,” for instance, was lost to the charts.

All pretty harmless, much like the man himself who has persisted, even briefly returning to chart prominence in the early eighties with his cover of “Pretend” (doubtless with Shakin’ Stevens’ recent success in mind – on Stiff Records!!) and Mike Batt’s dreary “I Feel Like Buddy Holly” before marrying and divorcing Liza Goddard, turning Christian and still by all accounts making a more than decent living.

Yes, Alvin’s stripped down cover of “Move It” was, well, downright sexy actually…

No dance routines for our Alvin. His schtick was to point a black leather-gloved finger directly into the camera lens (or was that just for “You You You”?) and glare, as if to say “Only a 4, Ewing minor? See me afterwards”.

Me and my sister thought he was scary.

This is a stupid song, whose players seem to not really be talking to each other – everything is slipping apart, but not in a provocative or energizing way. It just feels like the tracks didn’t get synchronized right. The guitar is nice but a bit too politely-mixed; “Spirit In The Sky” had so much more OOMPH. 3-4 is the right range – it’s pretty lousy but only seems godawful in the context of it being a #1, which makes no sense to me at all.

The US #1s from this time (winter ’74) include “You’re Sixteen” by Ringo Starr, “The Way We Were” by Barbra Streisand and Barry White (as Love Unlimited Orchestra)’s “Love’s Theme.” In Popstrology this is the only year with no dominant star, as it’s a year when just about everyone around had a #1 song – some great, some not-so…

I can remember someone at school telling me that there had been some directive that Alvin wasn’t allowed to be seen on television on a Sunday, because the black leather gear and THE GLOVE were adjudged too disturbing and provocative for a Sabbath still (just about) presided over by Jess “The Bishop” Yates…

Not to mention the Jason Eddy and the Centremen version/demolition of the song which Joe Meek produced in ’66 complete with skronky sax and which I have always assumed was his self-revenge on having engineered the Steele one.

Sadly, yes. About as sensual as Deryck Guyler falling comedically out of the back of a dumptruck circa 1978.

Another Alvin Stardust wannabe at the time went under the possibly-not-his-real name “Errol Flynn” who had a single called “The Top Of My Head” on RAK, which Luxy tried to break for a month or two.

Brown denied being Flynn at the time, so I wonder how it would have been promoted if it had been a hit. Listening to it last night for the first time in many years, I can hear that it probably was him. I guess it was just such a flop that nobody knows about it!

RAK 178 (Mud), RAK 179 (Dum)… not sure what Les & Co would have done either if In The Mood had been a hit. With reference to the matter in hand, Peter Shelley (or was it Marty Wilde?) is meant to have sung My Coo Ca Choo and that didn’t stop Shane Fenton from fronting it… who wasn’t even the REAL Shane Fenton because he died and Bernard Jewry, the Fentones’ roadie, acquired his name…

Pop… bloody hell.

I actually got to ask Les Gray about this.

Apparently, there was a difference of opinion as to which should be the new single. “In The Mood” was the band’s choice (I believe), “Rocket” being the label’s. Only one got the proper billing and promotion, hmm guess which…

So, they got to release both, simultaneously. The “Dum” one I got second-hand, and despite being an avid popwatcher, I knew nothing about it.

Note: The b-side, “Watching the clock” resurfaced as the b-side of “Oh Boy” with the “dum” writer credit intact (the website has that single wrong), it was an instrumental knocked out for b-side use. A later single had “Still watching the clock” which was the same tune, slightly slower. Les admitted it was an easy, quick and cheap way to furnish/finish the single.

RAK seem to have a history of doing this sort of thing. In 1974-5 they had two different acts called “Kenny”, and both had hits with Martin-Coulter songs. The first was Irish showband veteran Tony Kenny, and the second was a group of sub-BCR London lads, formerly named “Chuff”.

I presume they had big plans for the original Kenny, and these didn’t quite work out. It’s quite common for the session singers to be ignored when an act unexpectedly has to make public appearances, but I always thought this a little odd, as they were such different acts – one solo bloke vs five kids!

Maybe, if “The Bump” hadn’t been a hit, we would never have known!

I know what you’re saying, but Tony Kenny had been on TOTP – they weren’t pulling the wool over anyone’s eyes, so why bother?

(Just had a quick listen to “Give It To Me Now” – it’s horrible. I don’t know how Mickie Most expected to get any more hits from that franchise!)

That’s him, alright. I really like Give It To Me Now, as a piece of tuff sleazy glam. We need to get to the bottom of the Kenny vs Kenny story, it does seem to be unique.

(Just watched The Bump on TOTP – the drummer shouting “come on everybody, do the bump!” doesn’t half sound like a South Park character).

According to Dave McAleer, the original Shane Fenton (whose real name was Johnny Theakstone) became terminally ill in 1961 and asked ‘Bernie’ the roadie to take on the stage name. Wiki has a broadly similar story. Presumably Bernie changed his name by deedpoll otherwise Adam F would be Adam J, or even Adam S.

Blimey – it’s as if the guy’s name became a franchise Martin and Coulter were able to bestow upon the next act they wanted to promote. And according to this – http://www.glamrocking.co.uk/kenny.htm – that act, “Chufff” (note the three F’s) weren’t originally a sub-BCRs combo but a prog rock outfit who had supported Hawkwind!

Funnily enough I recall a Record Mirror piece saying they were “too young to drink but old enough to rock the Rollers”, which suggests they were precocious if they were prog, so they must have taken some persuasion to do The Bump! I did remember the other Kenny, but assumed at the time the similarity of names was just a coincidence.

Well no, Menudo and Sugababes changed personnel one at a time rather than being entirely different acts. Much like that other big pop act “England World Cup Squad”.

The Kenny principle is more like what appears to have happened with Brotherhood of Man between “United We Stand” and Eurovision. (Or did they follow the Sugababes principle as well??)

In fact there are several examples of groups changing personnel through the years as opposed to simply being different groups like Brotherhood of Man certainly were. Or were they?…

The Drifters, for example (and I mean the US soul oufit and not the old Shads), were pretty much nothing but a filter.

As the Zen Master asked the pupil: “If you have a spade and you change the handle and later change the blade, is it the same spade?”

Pupil: “Piss off, old man. You’re an idiot!”

Of course the Zen master gag has been superseded, Jimmy. If you Google “Sugababes” and “Trigger’s Broom” you get 803 hits. (804 now I guess.)

I was thinking of the Drifters too – another Record Mirror piece in 1975 was headlined “What have the Drifters got in common with Arsenal?” And that was their lead singer suggesting the analogy!

Martin/Coulter/Most possibly foresaw what was coming when they named the act “Kenny” rather than “Tony Kenny”, to make things easier. After all, according to Monty Python’s Rock Notes, Dead Monkeys went through umpteen name changes and only got into trouble when they tried to call the band Helen Shapiro.

Me #3 – maybe, on reflection, Alvin had another reason for not wanting to associate with Jimmy Savile when doing TOTP, as anybody who valued their reputation may well have done…

Very sad to hear about Alvin who sounded like a lovely man, as well as being a master of re-invention.

I feel Tom is right to highlight Alvin’s vocal limitations, but I would go up to 5/10 here.