10
Apr 02

DUEL 2002! Round 1 Match 16

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DUEL 2002! Round 1 Match 16


Duel! 2002 Round 1 Match 16

Which of these bands is worse?
Blink 182
Wheatus


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Starry Says:
‘Blink “And You’ll Miss Them” 182 and Wheatus are in a poor final Duel here. The luck of the draw wasn’t on their side in the original draw as both deserve an early return to the bar, but one of them must go through… so FITE!

Blink 182 are short silly Americans with a puerile sense of humour. In America, this is called ‘punk rock’. To me it is called a load of bally nonsense. In their video for ‘all the small things’ they hired some midgets and they ran about town. THIS IS BECAUSE I WAS CHASING THEM BRANDISHING A LARGE OVERSIZED HAM. The difference between them and Sum 41 is that the sum of 41 is well, self explanatory and if you blink 182 times in a row you might get some kind of strange kooky hallucinogenic effect which makes them okay in my book. Actually, that video might have been for ‘What’s My Age Again’, showing that their numerological skills certainly aint present in their long term memory.

Wheatus sound like a breakfast cereal but instead of being a sugary treet are in fact a right DOGS DINNER (see what I did there)? ‘Wannabe Gangstar’ in which Lead Singer Mr Wheatus dresses up like Jay Kay failed to deliver on the beautiful quivering pubescent dream promises of ‘Teenage Dirtbag’ in a way that should have Blink 182 chasing after them with big sticks. In the end the Blink have made more fantastic power pop anthems as compared to dorky old Wheatus who just can’t keep it up. Send them to the bar for a shandy and let’s see how Blink compare to the 2nd round contendaz.’

YESTERDAY’S RESULTS — Nickelback 83% – PRML SCRM 17%

Lor luv a duck are Nickelback unpopular OR WHAT? A colossal victory puts them through to the second round as high-ranking seeds, all on the basis of one grungey gruntathon. All you Americans who voted for them just remember that ten years ago YOU LOVED THIS STUFF.

‘Forget what I’ve said about those other bands:

NICKELBACK. IS. THE. WORST. BAND. EVER.

This is the simple honest truth, words simply fail me otherwise.’

‘Nickelback will be gone in a month or two, whereas PRML SCRM’s sadness goes on and on and on. Don’t give them the satisfaction!’

‘Having never heard Nickelback, I should in all honesty vote for Primal Scream who have in all fairness released some criminally bad record. That said, the descriptions I have received of Nickelback paint the picture of one of the single most awful musical entities ever to have committed to disc. One person even claimed that it was about a hundred times worse than Train which is so horribly damning that I cannot vote for a band who despite making some terrible shite also have a couple of tracks which I gig. My vote must go to Nickelback.’

‘The battle of the tribute bands. Pearl Jam v Rolling Stones. So many identikit Pearl Jam bands, why pick on this one? No, I choose the rubbish band coasting forever on the talent of one producer, who bless him, managed to make a silk purse from the sow’s ear that is screamadelica.’

‘NICKELBACK STINKS. I mean, prml scrm stinks too, but NICKELBACK STINKS about as much as you’d think a 10th generation grunge rip-off would. Which is REALLY STINKY.’

‘Hey you know what? I’m not gonna condemn a band after one “it’s okay, a bit grunge-lite, is that chris cornell singing?” song! I will vote for Primal Scream, they’ve never done anything I’ve liked!’

‘On behalf of the citizens of Western Canada who know good music when they hear it, I apologize to the rest of the world for the sensitive-guys-with-beards dreck that Nickelback has been bombarding the airwaves with. Ugh, that music’s just awful.’

‘my head says Nickelback, but my heart knows we’ll be hearing more (and worse) from gillespie.’

‘bobby gillespie is the most unintentionally hilarious man in music, but anyone voting for Primal Scream has clearly never heard Nickelback. They ARE TRULY AND UTTERLY EVIL.’

‘Never heard of Nickelback. The Scream Team, on the other hand, is a fantastic machine I deeply love. I get my rocks off totally unironically. Easy match.’

‘KLL LL HPPS, which would include Nickelback. Rock is the new Shite.’

‘Nickleback. Far as I know, they don’t ever use the J- or the C- word, but Within the first ten seconds of “You Remind Me”, the wise man/poor man/blind man trope immediately signals to anyone who’s been paying attention that someone in the band once had a serious engagement with the parables of JC, and maybe still do. Further evidence comes only seconds later with the line “this is how you remind me of what I really am,” where the personal authenticity of grunge turns all Christian Metaphysicky. How gross.

Say what you will ’bout “SWSTK YS” — those beeps are damn sexy.’

‘For a band with only ONE song to beat a band as consistently terrible as Primal Scream, it would have to be utterly awful, wouldn’t it? “How You Remind Me” is easily offensive enough.’

‘When you come from the home town of a band and that home town is backwards and that band is hot usualy there is creaming of the jeans , in edmonton nada – hence they are shit- you could of ocurse just look at the music whcih is a xerox of creed but w/o jesus’

‘S MCH S DG HTS PRML SCRM, DG S FRCD T VT FR NCKLBCK S TH SNGR HS TH WRST HRCT N PP MSC. ND BCS THY’R SHT.’

‘Permal Scrum doggedly eschew vowels. Dicklecack should have their bowels chewed out by dogs.’

Comments

  1. 1
    Adolf Chimbonda on 27 Sep 2006 #

    NERNERNERNERNERNERNERNERNERNERNERNER SWASTIKA EYEZZZZZZZZUH!!! Primal Scream rock even when they’re being silly. Nickleback on the other hand are almost certainly back in Wiggly Beard, Alberta cleaning crud out of the coffee machine at Starbucks.

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