11
Apr 07

People Are Strange, Doors Fans Are Stranger aka What’s Up, Cock?

FT + I Hate Music5 comments • 1,636 views

Want proof? Here are a bunch of Doors fans seeking a pardon for Jim Morrison. Now if you ask me, there is absolutely no forgiveness availible for the heinous crimes committed by the so called Lizard King. Not only was their stoner rock lazy, lacksidasical and unintelligable, they spawned two generations of even lazier, lacksadaisic mumble bonces since. But apparently, these low IQ-ed Doors fans don’t want a pardon for his crimes against humanity. Instead they want a pardon for a very specific crime. One of exposing himself in-front of an audience in Florida.

Now I don’t think it is in the remit of the Florida courts to go back on their sensible decision to have a crime of “Being The Doors in a live venue” on their statute books, though I am surprised that Ray Manzarek wasn’t arrested too. But apparently the crime was indecent exposure. Again, Jim Morrison in public strikes me as about as indecent as you can get. Instead the crime appears to be specifically that a cock was shown on stage.

Well, that would be Jim Morrison.

The fans seem under the misapprehension that the crime was that he got his penis out. Well anything to distract the audience from the awful drone Riders On The Storm. They are falling back on the old chestnut that he only “simulated” getting his cock out. Probably he did this by the time honoured method of sticking his hand down his pants and poking his pinkie out of his flies. It says something for the assumed prowess of Fat Jim that when the flies of perception were opened, the audience believed a teeny tiny finger to be the Morrison Manhood. Lizard King? We’re not talking a Komodo Dragon here, more a small and shy Gecko.

Anyway, simulation is nine tenths of the law. The Doors may have simulated making great records, but what they actually put out was sub-hippy pap suitable only for the ears after five special cigarettes. Jim Morrison may have simulated sexual allure and talent, but actually he was a slightly sweaty fat bloke with a voice suitable only for reading out the train arrivals at Wigan station.

The allusion in the story was to a NY governor pardoning Lenny Bruce for an obscenity charge. Well that’s cos Lenny wasn’t obscene. Jim Morrison was a dick.

Comments

  1. 1
    Billy Bo Bob Brain on 18 Apr 2007 #

    [But apparently, these low IQ-ed Doors fans don’t want a pardon for his crimes against humanity.]

    Among these crimes is the unpardonable one of wearing tight leather pants LONG after he was far too fat for them.

    No mercy, I say.

  2. 2
    Karl Chadburn on 7 Jun 2007 #

    Where do i begin? You dont like music? You dont like the Doors?

    Whats wrong with you, he was not just a musician he was more. Obviously you cant see that cause you are blind. I feel sorry for people that cant see the obvious talent of the band. Saying that fans of the doors have a low IQ is wrong, why would we have low IQ’s for liking a band. Its like saying people that moan on blogs have low IQ’s but that is obviously wrong. I bet you havnt even listened to more than 2 of his songs. They are not just songs. They are a lot more. Open your eyes you might just find a life.

  3. 3
    Another Brick on 27 Jun 2007 #

    lol i bet you wish you could get laid. i think somone should light a fire under your ass

  4. 4
    Murdoch on 27 Jun 2007 #

    Ah, see. Now you’ve gone and got me started on Doors (no “the” in the name, I read somewhere recently, which makes them even bigger bubblebrained twatburgers).

    They were shite with a capital SHITE.

    Lizard King? Yeah, right. Dribble Thing is nearer the mark.

    I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve walked out of parties populated by drooling potmonsters who’ve just bored the arse off me with slackwitted dribbling about “the lyrics, maaan”. well – let me tell you – “the lyrics, maaan” are at best tired rock drivel, and at worst, pretentious would-be poetry that defies the main convention of poetry, which is that it should be good. I can’t be bothered quoting any of it because it’s too painful to bear, but if you want a giggleworthy example, just try “The End”. If that doesn’t make you want to slap a hippy, I dunno what will. Except for the whole of “American Prayer”, which is as bad as rock music gets.

    Being a fat drunk stoner and howling like a baboon about any old shit that comes into your head do not a shaman make. It makes a Jim Morrison – a boorish boozehound with no sense of humour and a vastly inflated opinion of his own worth.

    Jim Morrison was a prick. Ray Manzarek should have been drowned at birth. The drummer (Who needs to know HIS name?) was clearly too much into jazz and Robby Kreiger had bad hair, although he wrote the only good songs they ever did.

    And to crown it all, who do they get to sing for their “milking the public in the most shameless way imaginable” reformation tour. A goth goon from Bradford who used to play low grade cod-metal, after whacking on ignorantly about native American spirits and “Fatman”. Oooooooh – wait a minute. It’s all becoming clear now.

    Bastards.

  5. 5
    Karl Chadburn on 14 May 2010 #

    If you hate music you aint got soul. And if you aint got soul that means you are dead, yeah the The Doors might not be everyones taste in Music. Dont over generalise Doors fans as being Pot smoking dribble heads. You sound like you also need to get laid man.I bet you are all into god fairing music and dont like Rock Music as it is the devils work, or some other sad reason, spend a little time of these boards and get out in the world and live. But that would mean not being on these boards moaning about how sad we are, who rights these sad blogs anyway.

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