Following Freaky Trigger’s favourite show, House, Five has decided to schedule a new US import called SHARK! Which stars James Woods as a maverick lawyer, who is CROSS! A little like House, he shouts at a team of minions a lot! A little like House, he doesn’t do any actual lawyering! Unlike House, who saves people BY SWEATING, he saves people by YELLING! Shark is like this:
FIRST EPISODE OF SHARK, LLM, SCENE ONE
DEFENCE LAWYER SHARK looks up from CUTTING THROATS to see MAYOR.
MAYOR: Shark! You get results! Come and work for me!
SHARK: You’re busting my ass! I eat prosecution lawyers for breakfast! I eat them also for lunch! And for tea! And elevenses! And midnight snacks! And second breakfasts! And third breakfast! And fouth break…
*seven hours later*
NEW PROSECUTION LAWYER SHARK: Lie! Cheat! Steal! Only this way can you be good prosecuting attorneys! You’re crap! Come to my FAKE COURTROOM that I have mocked up in my mansion! My housekeeper will pretend to be a judge!
NervousYoungLaywers [in unison]: This is totally non-freaky, no really, we aren’t reacting at all to this.
SHARK: You’re guilty!
FeistyLawyer: We’re not on trial!
SHARK opens trapdoors, YoungLayers fall through, larffing out loud, rofflez.
They then go into the courtroom and SHARK eats some more things FOR BREAKFAST.
Shark used to be a DEFENCE lawyer, but then he got a man off who then murderised his wife two hours after being declared innocent, HARROWED by this he has decided to bring his TUFF DEFENCE SKILLS to PROSECUTION to bring the guilty BANG TO RIGHTS. He talks in capital letters almost as much as me! This was only the pilot but I hope for many complicated legal twists and turns in the future. Promising!