Sep 06

food science (supplementary): the QUATERMASS EGGzPERIMENT

FT + Pumpkin Publog14 comments • 2,526 views

(held over from last year in the name of all that is holy promoting future enquiry)

AIM: To explore the viability of egg polycookery

APPARATUS: Many eggs, hot oil, wooden spoon, boiling saucepan, non-stick frying pan, wok.

i. Hard-boil an egg
ii. Peel and slice
iii. Fry the slices
iv. Taste-test!

INITIAL COMMENTS: It was decided that a single cooking medium should be utilised, viz HOT OIL. Boiling and poaching would be deemed to occur simultaneously PROVIDED A. one egg was unbroken; and B. a vigorous poaching vortex was introduced into the oil. CAUTION must be taken at ALL TIMES — ie wear goggles (or anyway glasses); use oven gloves or cloth; don’t cook in bare feet ect ect.

i. Crack two eggs, beat one, add the other UNBEATEN
ii. Heat oil in wok until slightly smoky
iii. TAKING GREAT CARE, introduce VIGOROUS POACHING VORTEX in hot oil, using wooden spoon
iv. Drop egg mixture into whirling oil and stand well back
quatermass egg
[update: scoffers plz note — this EXPLOSIVE BEHEMOTH is abt a foot across, one second in, from just two eggs!]

CONCLUSIONS: The boiled fried egg is rawther chewy and tastes like SQUID! The BFPS egg is VERY VERY oily and a bit leathery. It tastes like a deflated omelette.
fried poached boiled scrambled


  1. 1
    xyzzzz__ on 1 Sep 2006 #

    “wear goggles (or anyway glasses)”

    live dangerously already!!

  2. 2
    pˆnk s lord sükråt cunctør on 1 Sep 2006 #

    here’s HOT FAT in yr eye julio!

    you do not seem to appreciate that during the MASSIVE EXPANSION PHASE of this experiment, the entire PLANET was in peril

  3. 3
    Tim Hopkins on 1 Sep 2006 #

    That’s OK thought because “planet imperilment” is specifically listed as being covered on my non-existent contents insurance.

  4. 4
    pˆnk s lord sükråt cunctør on 1 Sep 2006 #

    puny earthling, i shall turn yr homeworld into a mere PLUTON when my attentions next turn this way

  5. 5
    Tim Hopkins on 1 Sep 2006 #

    OK then.

    I’d better stock up on Jif.

  6. 6
    CarsmileSteve on 1 Sep 2006 #

    and salt.

  7. 7
    Tim Hopkins on 1 Sep 2006 #


    After all the salt-related abuse I received last year, I went out and bought a tub o’ salt. And have barely used it. FOOD SCIENCE DAY (like reggae) OWES ME MONEY.

  8. 8
    pˆnk s lord sükråt cunctør on 1 Sep 2006 #

    i imagine some of it will be used soon so the money has in no way been wasted

  9. 9
    Tim Hopkins on 7 Sep 2006 #

    As far as I am aware, no call was placed upon my salt stocks during FSD this year. It’s an absolute outrage.

  10. 10
    Pete Baran on 7 Sep 2006 #

    You’ll be thanking us when the alium slug creaturs attack and you will be able to hole up pouring salt from a great height and the soldier slug drones attcking from Peckham Rye.

  11. 11
    Tim Hopkins on 7 Sep 2006 #

    Yes I will be thanking you under those circumstances.

    Next year: taking the chicken baked in salt recipe and extrapolating it to things which aren’t chicken.

    This probably won’t work with slugs, alium or otherwise, but I reckon it might be a total winner with a rindy soft cheese.

  12. 12
    Pete Baran on 7 Sep 2006 #

    Salt Cheese!

    Had some Salt Cod the other day at the Norfolk Arms which was dead nice.

  13. 13
    pˆnk s lord sükråt cunctør on 7 Sep 2006 #

    maybe you a do a 24-hour hundred-year-old-egg using salt instead of the garden!

  14. 14
    Tom on 15 Jul 2007 #

    It…It failed the first time, you damned fool…you KILL US ALL!!!

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