Porn Porn Yes Porn I Said Porn

Hello. You are probably here because this page, on a pop culture site, is #6 on searches for “porn” on Bing.

There is no porn here. There never was porn here. There used to be an article about how using the word ‘porn’ as a metaphor – “disaster porn”, for instance – was a crass and misleading attempt to get hits.

But that’s algorithms for ya! After a bit I edited the original post so it had a header saying basically what the start of this one says – search on Bing, no porn, etc etc.

This now appears under the link on Bing, which was the idea, because I wanted to make it really obvious that there isn’t any porn at this site and so you shouldn’t bother clicking.

Bing being Bing, the stark declaration that the page was NOT porn actually helped it RISE up the rankings of a search for “porn”.

(If I was a pornographer paying an SEO money for a ranking of 7th or below on Bing, I would be a bit cross at this. Probably nobody actually cares about Bing SEO though. Want to know how many clicks this post gets via Google? NONE AT ALL. That’s because it ISN’T PORN.)

So, anyway, if you’re reading this you went looking for porn. On Bing. And clicked a link whose description said “no porn here”. Hey – it’s a strategy! Let’s not knock it!

You’re not alone, either – about 200 other people will be reading this post today, glumly flapping their dick around as they scroll down looking for nipples. Perhaps the sudden sense of community you’re feeling makes up for the average 1m 28s you’ve wasted here.

What’s that? You resent my assumption that you’re a man searching for porn on Bing? If you say so, dude. But if you’re looking for ladysmut we CAN help you – Freaky Trigger is happy to endorse mucky wimmen’s mag Filament. There! All solved! Happy browsing!