Jul 06

Sufjan Stevens: Parkour-Life

FT + I Hate Music17 comments • 9,057 views

Sufjan Parqour Pete below suggests that the inventor of Free Running – that smashing idea of running around the rooftops of a city jumping between buildings in a stylish way – was David Balle. What is more he also suggests that Mr Balle has the misfortune to look a lot like Shakin’ Stevens. I would have drawn the logical link even closer by suggesting that it is because of his lookalikee status that he keeps throwing himself off of buildings. All of which would have made excellent logical sense IF IT WERE NOT A COMPLETE FALSEHOOD. What is more remarkable is that it comes so close to the actual truth.

The inventor of parkour, aka Free Running was none other than multi-instrumentalist, studio boffin/billy-no-mates Sufjan Stevens. As this photo displays, Sufjy spent many of his formative years jumping quite high indeed, often to try to escape bully’s who found his habit of singing a bit like a happy Elliot Smith frankly unpalatable. Later he realised that jumping in the air on its own was not going to help him escape the big boys, and he also started running as well. As it stands his main reason for running from state to state of the US is because people keep chasing him, trying to shut his choral nonsense and stupid song titles up.

I like this photo because clearly as Sufjy is up in the sky with the clouds, he may well soon plummet to his doom. I also like to wonder what the I on his chest stands for. Idiot? Imbecile? Inherently Untalented? Irritating Twat Who Suckered All The Broadsheet Music Critics By Merging The Frankly Horrific Sound Of The Bee Gees – Polyphonic Spree and Modest Mouse into one deadly package?

Could be any of these… 



  1. 1
    Anonymous on 22 Jul 2006 #


  2. 2
    Tom on 6 Aug 2006 #

    I find parkour rather silly.

  3. 3
    Matt on 9 Feb 2007 #

    Sufjan is an amazing artist. What the heck is your problem??

  4. 4
    Joel Barish on 27 Mar 2007 #

    Heh heh, I love how close minded you are, pointing out the stupid idiosyncracies of music writers and the like, when you fall into a big old one yourself.

    You’re an idiot.

    Heh heh

  5. 5
    ^yeah really though on 19 Apr 2007 #


  6. 6
    mcfx on 13 Jun 2007 #

    leave Sufjan alone!! …it shows how much you know about Sufjan…..you dont even know with the I is for!!

  7. 7
    velva on 27 Nov 2007 #

    You’re quite the pompous prick. Do you get a fuzzy feeling inside when you post insults about people making it in this world while you sit there doing nothing? Do you think it makes you superior by being unimpressed? No, just bitter. I hope you get an STD.

  8. 8
    Steven on 28 Nov 2007 #

    I hate you so much.

  9. 9
    Nelly on 14 Dec 2007 #

    I bet you have a VERY tiny penis. By the way you might want to start lubing up it’s gonna start chafing. Don’t worry you won’t need too much 1 bottle will probably last you years.

  10. 10
    amusinginquiry on 3 Jan 2008 #

    You’re fun.

  11. 11
    noname on 4 Jan 2008 #

    i dont like you, you talk like a fool, sufjan may be the most wonderfull person on earth

  12. 12
    Tom on 4 Jan 2008 #

    I think the I stands for “Indie Mika”

  13. 13
    NATE on 14 Feb 2008 #

    HEY! Has anyone every heard of creativity?!?! Haha! Thats the thing I love most about Sufjan! His creativity. The butterfly wings on stage, the lyrics that some think to be gay and so much more is just boiled down to being creative and I love that he’s not afraid to be creative, but maybe he should be because of people like you! People over think and criticize when he has no motive or reason. you’re thinking too deep! He loves music and he loves being creative. He’s an artist, let him paint his picture!!!

  14. 14
    Alan on 14 Feb 2008 #

    Here’s a wikipedia link for those still wondering about creativity: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Creativity

  15. 15
    rose crab on 23 Jun 2008 #

    you’re kidding, right? SUFJAN STEVENS is not only my lifetime hero but that of millions. he’s out of this world, in the best of all possible ways. he’s so creative. NOT AN IDIOT. a musically perfect genius.

  16. 16
    fhuck your mom on 21 Sep 2008 #

    parkour aka free running is invented by sufjan cause he and david belle look alike?? you have a brain of a paedocypris…that’s for sure.

  17. 17
    parkour on 7 Mar 2009 #

    pure genius.

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