Jun 09

I Hate Andy Murray

FT + TMFD83 comments • 6,752 views
Andy Murray
Andy Murray chastises a tennis ball

During Wimbledon’s inaugural set of night-time tennis on Monday night, played under what’s become the most famous roof since the Sistine Chapel, I found that I loathe every particle of Andy Murray.

Now, I realize Andy Murray is a professional athlete. Macho theatrics and being as interesting as a pile of firewood come with the territory. But Wimbledon is not just a collection of freakishly fit young adults whacking things between each other, it’s a drama, and in this drama he pushes buttons I didn’t even know I possessed.


Jun 09

Its Not Just Cricket, Its Maths!

FT + TMFD2 comments • 730 views

I cannot say I was over the moon when the Netherlands beat England in the opening game of the 20 20 World Cup.Clearly as a neutral it is great when a minnow beats a big gun, especially when said big gun is hosting the tournament. To win such a game at the “Home Of Cricket” is even more exceptional. However I am not a neutral, I want England to do well, and thus I could appreciate the excitement of the result, it felt horrible, we looked like we were going out.

Last night however, when England beat Pakistan comfortably I felt a little robbed of a close game.


Apr 09

Suspicious? Don’t be ridiculous!

TMFD2 comments • 228 views

Two recent results from the South African Vodacom Second Division:

Young Pirates 2 Real Madrid (not that Real Madrid) 26

Namaqua Stars 50 Kakamus Cosmos 0

Extraordinarily, the South African FA is suspicious, and is investigating. They’ve already suspended all the match officials. My favourite bit, from this story from Kick Off, is from the spokesman for Namaqua Stars: “It’s quite possible to get 50 goals in one match. I wasn’t at the match, but the score at half-time was around 25-0. It is a genuine result, not fake, but we are concerned because how can Real Madrid score 26 times against such a good side as Pirates?”

Yes, 25-0 at half-time explains it all.

Jan 09

Blind swordsmen are like football teams with ten men

Do You See + TMFD3 comments • 144 views

Hard to beat. Love and Honour the sadly generically titled final film in Yôji Yamada’s samurai trilogy is a sedate, old fashioned tale which features a blind swordsman. The ICA for some reason had to show it on DVD, whose reduced resolution made it look like a fifties Japanese film, which was exactly how it felt (like a low powered Ozu). This is no Zatoichi though. Instead we have a court food taster who ingests a bit of poison and it removes the power of sight. A few rumours and a wife needing to do what they can to survive and this peon finds himself committing to a battle for honour with a local samurai.

As we reached the climatic battle, and all the training sequences showed just how hard it is to fight someone when blind, I thought it might be the antidote to Zatoichi. The food taster wasn’t that handy with a sword in the first place, so by rights he should have been diced to pieces. SPOILERS:


Nov 08


TMFD3 comments • 904 views

I’d never watched any of the ‘ultimate fighting’ stuff, bar a little in a pub once. It looked very boring to me. I’m a big WWE fan – as silly as it is, I am hugely entertained by that. At the weekend I saw an ad for the next big Ultimate Fighting Championship event, and the main match seemed to be a world title fight between someone called Randy Couture (who inexplicably seems not to have a line of clothing to promote) and Brock Lesnar, who used to be in the WWE. This intrigued me: fans of UFC will often regard the WWE superstars with contempt. Obviously it’s all fixed, and the wrestlers help sell their opponents’ moves to a very blatant degree, so those who dislike the WWE deduce from this that the stars are just showy bodybuilders with gimmicks, and wouldn’t last five minutes in a fight with, for instance, a top ultimate fighter. (A couple of top ultimate fighters had tried their hand in the WWE, but never amounted to much as far as I am aware – obviously it demands somewhat different physical skills, and to get to the top it helps to have some sort of distinct personal style too, of course.)


Oct 08

Ted Williams’ frozen head has a myspace page

FT + TMFD1 comment • 421 views

this week the slugz of time talk cryostuff as the inspiration (?) for futurama gets read out and discussed, interspersed with a forgotten olivia newton-john classic about fate and “the gift of life extension”.

as for Ted Williams’ frozen head, it’s all true. it doesn’t have the same ring as “Andre the Giant has a posse” but times have changed and memes move on. Williams, the slender and irascible baseball player once known as the Splendid Splinter, author of The Science of Hitting, and generally agreed-upon greatest hitter of the last 60 years, was swindled by his son on his deathbed to sign his body over to Arizona-based Alcor Life Extension Foundation, who, upon the death of Teddy Ballgame in 2003, froze him up real good so that perhaps one day he could redon his spikes and dig his heels into some futuristic batter’s box. in the meantime, his frozen head rants on myspace.

Sep 08

Hurray for the FSF!

FT + Pumpkin Publog + TMFD//Post a comment • 106 views

Never ones to miss the chance of a lovely headline or two, our friends at the Football Supporters Federation had this round the blogs by last night, well done them! I’ve seen some ridiculous measures in place to allow clubs to observe this outdated law, at Dartford they pull the blinds down in the bar at 2.50pm just in case, because it happens to look out over their lovely ground and its pitch. Having attended several rugby matches at Vicarage Road last year, it’s just so much more CIVILISED to have a pint of guinness in yr hand with yr pie…

Following Newcastle United chairman Mike Ashley’s Ashburton Grove appearance in the Toon end with pint in hand, the Football Supporters’ Federation is looking for any fans ejected and/or prosecuted for drinking in sight of the pitch this past weekend to come forward.

Drinking alcohol is sight of the playing area at professional football matches has been banned by law since 1985. The same activity is perfectly lawful at all other sporting events. If you’re a fan of rugby league or rugby union – no problem. Likewise cricket, American Football, speedway, horse racing. Even tiddlywinks as far as we know. Breweries and distilleries are a major sponsor of football.

We know of many supporters who’ve been banned from attending matches for three years for the “crime” of having a tipple whilst watching the game. Why? There are plenty of laws that the police can use to prosecute people who become abusive or violent though alcohol consumption. Being drunk in a public place is a criminal offence.

Why should the law abiding majority of football fans be singled out? If you’ve been ejected, banned or prosecuted for drinking in sight of the pitch, particularly this past weekend, get in touch with the FSF NOW at: info @ or on 08702 777777 (Mon-Fri office hours).

Aug 08

Olympic Avoidance Log 2008: The End

FT + TMFDPost a comment • 186 views

So the UK won more medals than ever before. Well ever if you don’t include 1908 which forevermore will be known as the British Cheating Olympics where we made up most of the sports and the competitors at the Olympics. But the question on everyone lips here at FT is, did Pete manage to avoid less that fifty nine minutes of it. If we are discounting the opening and closing ceremonies (which we are, because its my game with my rules) then the answer is YES. I only got another three minutes of tedium in over the weekend (OK four if you count the replays of a British woman kicking someone in the head in the Tae Kwon Do). So my final Olympic Avoidance Time works out at less than 51 minutes, and a new Personal Best.

And yet. I feel like there has been more Olympics around.


Aug 08

the 2012 london olympics opening ceremony

FT + The Brown Wedge + TMFD//////10 comments • 1,352 views

question: who should create and direct it?

preamble: the chinese capitalised (er haha) on A: a known gift for fireworks, B: a known gift for people prettily running with flags, C: spectacular oriental spectacle, D: a population as numberless as the pixels in the ocean — and the Brits limp far behind on all counts; my suggestion is that we should make a virtue of necessity and scrobble our counter-spectacle up round the sense of grumpy, lumpy, stubborn, dry-witted, weird-crop SMALLNESS, the aesthetic legacy of a small crowded windy greenfield crag dropped into the north sea

hence my answer:


Aug 08

olympic fashion watch – prequel

FT + TMFD3 comments • 506 views

during the 2006 winter olympics in turin i developed an overweening and somewhat embarrassing crush on tempestuous skateuse IRINA SLUTSKAYA—she of the apple cheeks, mousy hair and how shall i put this—pleasing thickness that one does not normally associate with ice skaters.

Irina Slutskaya

something else one doesn’t normally associate with ice skaters is clothes you might actually want to wear yourself. but in 2006 russia had it goin on. their motif was a kind of cross between a paisley shape and a garland (or a zapf dingbat), and when applied to a straight-up indie gas-station attendant vibe i found the russian outfits almost as irresistable as a certain ice skater who wore them. (they also had their own twee mascot, the venerable cheburashka, who may have contributed to a new Olympic trend.)

it’s unnecessary to detail the hours i spent trying to track down the hoodie in the above photo. oh i was desperate, had taken leave of my senses. 1/2-inch enamel souvenir pins on ebay with the above garland/paisley design were enough to start me salivating. in the end i forgot about it. but here come the olympics again, taunting me with their inaccessible vestments, reminding me of the ones that got away. it appears that the company which made those russian outfits still have a web site and it’s being revamped. a dormant spark of hope flares up. are you out there, boscosport? do you do trackbacks? i’m an easy mark.