Posts from April 2012

Apr 12

Beer-encrusted carpet, why hast thou forsaken me?

FT + Pumpkin PublogPost a comment • 1,326 views

I shall quietly grumble about this no more. The time has come for a wobbly to be thrown ungracefully across the laminated floor tiles of the internet about a terrible injustice being done to our nation’s fauna and flora.

As the hedgerows are decimated, another important ecosystem is dying. An unsavoury and slightly scary one and one I would not want to put my face near (then again I’m not that keen on having my nose bitten off by a badger, either) but one that is necessary for certain aspects of modern life: the pub carpet.

I salute you, festering menace


Apr 12

Popular News

Popular20 comments • 1,940 views

Short version: Popular will be back on Friday and back to a regular schedule.

Long version:


Lost Property Office 6: Jacobean Photocopiers

Lost Property PodcastPost a comment • 373 views

This weeks Lost Property Office takes on a decidedly theatrical flavour as I invite Kerry Lambeth to do battle with the assorted umbrellas and notebooks. And in the course of our discussion we consider a Brighton Beach Memoir (Sussex not Long Island), how many copies of the Complete Works Of Shakespeare one needs, the perfect size for a woman to be to get her dream job, and the value of comedy. Music comes from the big folder of lost CD’s again, and this week even comes with a CD insert, so the connection between Kerry picking music from Kerry (and Donegal) can be made most explicit.

There is also a slightly uncomfortable moment near the end of the podcast where, undoubtedly not for the first time, Aristole and Aristophanes are mixed up and its never quite admitted to us. Well we have recorded proof of our own slip up, and it is one that I daresay Aristophanes would have appreciated for its comedic value.

As ever if you recognise any of the stuff or have anything to say, please feel free to hit the comments and claim your missing stuff.


Apr 12

Expansion pack ‘The Floor’ released May 2012

FTPost a comment • 185 views

(Apropos much social media rumbling on Erotic Choose Your Own Adventures and the appearance of whatever Heineken think this is)

1. You enter the club and head to the floor, roll a 3 or higher to light a fire and make it hot (proceed to 3 or if roll too low, 2)

2. The club can’t even handle you. You see them watching you, roll a 6 to go all out and proceed to 7.

3. Decide whether to take pictures or shots by rolling two dice; if the total adds up to 7 then it’s shots and straight to 5. If it doesn’t add up to 7 then console yourself at 4.

4. Apologise for party rocking. Rate your sincerity by rolling one die- if 4 or higher then you head to the bar at 5, if 3 or lower proceed to 7.

5. Determine how many shots you need to take by rolling the die. If number is 5 or higher then proceed to 6, if 4 or lower proceed to 2.

6. Dirty Bit.

7. You encounter David Guetta. Decide if he will turn you into a nubile robot by rolling two dice; 6 or higher and you will be asking Where Them Girls At as the optical processing systems are not yet advanced enough to give you clear vision, a total score of 5 or lower means an accident during the splicing process leaves you wondering Who’s That Chick.

Apr 12

Lost Property Office 5: Five Do Nothing

Lost Property PodcastPost a comment • 330 views

The most significant thing lost in this weeks Lost Property Office could well be my voice! Luckily I have an excellent guest in the form of Rock Star, Playwright, Validator and Edinburgh Smash MJ Hibbett, who does allow this episode to drift slowly into Grumpy Old Men territory when we discuss “Whatever happened to Bath Moles?” Also on the agenda, comics, the Boo Radleys “Lazarus”, The Famous Five and the lack of statuary in the Fens. And a piece of apposite music by the star himself, accompanied by a CD that exists to cheer someone up. You can decide if it does!

As ever, if you recognise any of the music, or the items, please let us know in the comments, and keep losing stuff losers, because without your losses, there would be no show. And if you are interested in guesting, feel free to say so in the comments below, the more interesting losers there are, the better the show is. So MJ Hibbett!