Posts from May 2007

May 07

People For The Ethical Treatment Of People

FT + Pumpkin Publog3 comments • 871 views

manure.jpgPETA (no relation) dumps horseshit outside Gordon Ramsey restaurant saying “You missed a bit”. PETA is the People For The Ethical Treatment of Animals, note there is no AETP – Animals For The Ethical Treatment Of Humans. If there were I reckon crocodiles, black widow spiders and grizzly bears would not join. But what they are unhappy about is Gordon Ramsey eating ponies on his TV show The F Word.

Of course they are not upset because horsies are cute and they all played with My Little Pony as kiddiewinkles. And their favourite book is Black Beauty. And favourite film is National Velvet. And never use glue made from horses from the knackers yard. And only wanted a pony as a child to love and hug and not to ride around because riding on a dumb animal is NOT ETHICAL.


May 07

Tanya’s Army Of Awfulness: LIEUTENANT PIGEON

FT + I Hate Music2 comments • 2,167 views

pigeon.jpgHa ha, finally I get the jump on my arch-nemesis Tom Ewing and his music loving ways. Over on his tedious attempt to commit suicide / listen to every UK number one ever he is stuck in the hinterland on 1972. Possibly with the odd sequin between his teeth and losing the ability to spell (due wholly to Noddy “short for Nodward” Holder). Well I am ahead of him now, as Lieutenant Pigeon’s biggest hit (and to be fair only hit of note, though the notes issue is one I shall shortly get to) was also from 1972, which he hasn’t reached yet. So let me put on my finest false beard and predict what Mr Ewing will fawn over this song.

“I have never been convinced by the excuse that a track is merely a novelty single.


It’s Pop Correctness Gone Mad

FT19 comments • 631 views

Public servant wastes time arsing about shocker – worth a look for the entertaining hypocrisy of the “George Cross Island”!

the urgent food science that DARE NOT SPEAK ITS NAME

FT2 comments • 618 views

or a VARIETY OF ITEMS that have been compared to the BODYFLUIDS of a VARIETY OF SPECIES

a. BUDWEISER (human)
d. “your majesty is like a stream of bat’s p!ss” (old graeme g4rden radio joke)*
e. ect ect that’s enuff stop now ect

it’s not a nice job but SOME FOOD SCIENTIST HAS TO DO IT or the phrase will fall into disrepute

*(ie “you shine like gold when all around is dark your majesty”)

FTPost a comment • 125 views

WikiHow the internet How-To manual
Including how to: mosh in a mosh pit, appreciate death metal, find a lost cat, look emo, be indie and many more

We’re through the looking glass people…

Do You See + FT5 comments • 631 views

I.T.s the same. But different.
Proof that parallel universes exist. And you know what, the set-up will probably suit the production techniques of a US sitcom.

(From Dark Horizons – who also report that Zoe Slater from ‘Stenders IS The Bionic Woman.)

Writing In Their Footsteps

FT6 comments • 935 views

My Pitchfork column this month is a short exploration of what good music criticism can still do in an instant-access era. It came out of a bunch of conversations and ILM and Poptimists posts and is more of a series of notes and examples than a fully-formed argument.

Intriguingly enough, though, in the week between my writing it and its publication, Matt Perpetua of Fluxblog tipped me off to a current trend in music blogging which goes against the novelty-driven MP3 blog model. It seems that his own pet project – writing about every REM song – has inspired a bunch of imitators, and there are now half a dozen and more bloggers pledging to work their way through the discographies of various acts: Talking Heads, Pearl Jam, John Cale, the Mountain Goats, and many others.


May 07

ALICE COOPER – “School’s Out”

FT + Popular70 comments • 7,134 views

#317, 12th August 1972

Go ask Alice 

My first French teacher was a great heap of a man who I remember for his sweat patches and his bitterness and the way he changed the seating plan in the class around every few weeks, based on test results. If you came first, you got to sit front and center, and the rest of the class would zig-zag back behind you until the back row was filled with the worst half-dozen students, so he and they could ignore one another. This was a poor motivational tactic, as Monsieur M. smelt bad and if you did well you were best placed for a whiff of him. I was either too guileless or scared or proud to do badly, and so I ended up at the front, a lot, nose full of sweat while I glumly conjugated.


Coelacanths ATTACK!

Do You See + FT5 comments • 880 views

Prime-time ITV Saturday teatime drama about dinosaurs attacking modern Britain. How we laughed and muttered “Cheap Doctor Who rip-off” under our breaths. Well I should take that breath back, and the mutt’rin’ too: last week I watch all of Primeval, said programme, and it is great. What is really nice about it is its greatness lies in almost all the areas which are different to Doctor Who. Primarily in a strong set of casting and central performances which dovetail nicely with the expensive special effects. But also with a script which actually spends quite a lot of time trying to make its nonsensical premise make sense – particularly from a dramatic viewpoint.


The problem with much sci-fi and fantasy is not with far-fetched ideas. Far-fetched ideas is what the genre is based on.


May 07

Just go and read it in Smiths or something…

FT + TMFD1 comment • 700 views

wsc244.jpgYou can’t really blame them for not having an on-line version of the magazine, so I urge you all to track down a copy of this month’s When Saturday Comes with Jose on the front, and read the Match of the Month column by Ian Plenderleith. You might think that Darlington vs Lincoln isn’t the most thrilling of matches to cover but the article is a perfect encapsulation of the indignities and general rubbishness foisted on lower league away supporters. Also the author is really quite rude about lying, tax-dodging, safe-breaking idiot George Reynolds, which is always a bonus.

In other news, camp sites to get supporters trusts!