Posts from 7th April 2006

7
Apr 06

Deadly Swan Questions

Proven By SciencePost a comment • 285 views

What with the Scottish Swan having avian flu, a number of questions are raised:

a) When did Bird Flu become Avian Flu? Is it to make it sound more scary?

b) Why are we worried about a swan having bird flu when the only person who could possibly catch bird flu from the swan is The Queen, what with her being the only person allowed to consume such creatures in the UK?

c) Why are we worried about a swan killing us with bird flu and not about the fact that it can break a mans arm. Everyone knows that?

The Real Actual Pop World Cup

TMFDPost a comment • 1,184 views

The grand tradition of cashing in musically on the World Cup is thriving in England but traditionally fails to capture the imagination of Mr J Foreigner. This year though the hosts have made a little more of an effort with the release of THIS purporting to be by notorious “pervert lion” Goleo.

Unfortunately it’s a version of Bob Sinclar’s very horrible “Love Generation” so Goleo will have to work pretty hard to make it any good. But the sleeve does tell us new facts about our leonine flasher friend. Firstly his shaggy crotch looks somewhat bulgy on the sleeve, secondly he is billed as Goleo VI for a reason which downloading may yet uncover. Watch this space, and also watch out for the rolling review of shoddy England gimmick singles (top billing: Joe Fagin’s “That’s England Alright”).

2006: Yo, Bum Rush The Comic Book Store

The Brown WedgePost a comment • 681 views

In a move about a timely as watching the Happy Days Christmas special in May (which if you are in the UK is both unaboidable and hence oddly timely: I bring you Public Enemy: The Comic. Alright I don’t bring it to you, American Mule comics do and here is what its all about:

The evil Executives and their New Whirl Odor are about to unleash their master plan for world domination. Before they can succeed though, they must eliminate a young boy named Vincent who holds the key to their ultimate secret weapon. Unfortunately for the Executives, Vincent is a Public Enemy fan. In a desperate attempt to destroy their enemies, the Executives devise a plan that will eliminate Vincent, Public Enemy and their Underground Railroad allies in one clean swoop. This is the beginning of an epic battle for peace and justice as Public Enemy and the Underground Railroad fight the powers that be to keep the America people free from tyranny and oppression.

Things that don’t necessarily make sense in that solicitation: young boy and Public Enemy fan. But that said comic fans are well acquainted with both the name Terminator and the letter X so it could go down as well as the Kiss comic did. The idea of Flavor Flav in spandex is a little bit too much to take.

The Rules Of Ruin: 2: Giving Up Drinking For A Month

Pumpkin Publog7 comments • 3,576 views

Hold on. This is supposed to be an article advising us the best ways to get really drunk hidden in an article warning us about how not to get drunk. Surely giving up drinking for a month is all about no hangovers. And yes, in a lot of ways it is. However let us really examine the reasons why you are giving up drinking for a month:

a) Because you think you have a drink problem. You certainly do if you are giving it up for a month to find out.
b) Health reasons. Trust me the body does not like enforced absences of ANYTHING. Get your metabolism antsy and you are in trouble.
c) To look virtuous to other people who are always telling you that you drink too much.

Basically giving up drinking for a month shows a lack of trust in yourself (or a lack of trust in others in your trust in yourself). Fine, you may not trust yourself, but if you are already going to go down the saint on one shoulder, devil on the other dualism, its only fair that I give some advice to the devil.

Aspall’s Suffolk Cyder SO LOOKS LIKE LIME AND SODA. So fool your mates, look virtuous and cheat that prissy angel on the right shoulder. Its also nice and strong. Num num.