Posts from 7th October 2005

Oct 05

Who Reviews 10+11

The Brown WedgePost a comment • 391 views


REVIEW 10. See that review of “Rags” below, by Mick Lewis? Well. Whilst surreptitiously skulking round the sci-fi section of Borders last night (“Argh! Someone’s coming! Quick hide in… ARGH! THE BLACK LACE SECTION arrgh – actually I read a bit of the Black Lace book as it wz less embarassing than Dr Who novels, it featured WOMEN BEING MILKED on cow machinery arrrhrrmm??! Come back Mills & Boon all is forgiven), I found ANOTHER book by Mick Lewis. Called COMBAT ROCK. The first thing I do when I either obtain or become a TARDIS will be to go and chop said writers ears and fingers off to make sure this hideous CLASH ‘fandom’ cannot intrude on my life any further. NO NUMBER MORE NEGATIVE HAS EXISTED TO MERIT THIS NOVEL GETTING IT out of 10.

REVIEW 11. ONLY HUMAN, a 9th Doctor novel featuring ROSE AND CAPTAIN JACK! Hurrah!! Of course being a seasoned 8th Doctor reader, I totally expected this to be all la la la – but it’s actually GREBT! The pro-bender agenda is out in FULL FORCE when Captain Jack first appears wearing a 60s sailor costume. Rose comments, “could those trousers be any tighter?”, to which Captain Jack responds “is that a request”? Later on Rose also appears in a nurses outfit poo UR. An absolutely super 9th Doctor romp, Ecclestone represented in all his maniacal brilliance in a trip back to Neanderthal times where a post-digital analogue obsessed race of self-genetically engineered humans reliant on gene therapy combos aren’t realising they’re working towards their psychotic leader colonising the earth with a race of human-eating Hy-Bractors… and, might I say, makes a marvellous change from the Faction Paradox crack I’ve been reading lately. A nice fondant fancy compared to Faction Paradoxes’ Puffer Fish, you might say. Only niggle is that Captain Jack is pretty much written out of the main plot, but many deft and amusing touches remain with him looking after the Neanderthal stuck in 2005’s BROMLEY. I particularly recommend for reading IN THE BATH or for keeping in the bathroom to read when on the loo.

Howling Commando’s

Do You SeePost a comment • 407 views

The problem with fantasy films sometimes is getting your head around the logic of the fantasy. Howl’s Moving Castle has this problem in spades, which is why it probably works better for a younger audience than an adult one. The adult audience can marvel over the terrific visuals, and (if properly watching the dubbed version) be shocked that Billy Crystal does not spoil the whole thing. An the titular castle is a wonderful thing, all clanking and grinding and WHY HAS HE GOT A MOVING CASTLE??? WHY DOES HE NEED A MOVING CASTLE???

As the tale is initially structured like a pretty simple fairytale (plain, insecure girl gets cursed into an old woman – to turn back the curse she probably needs to accept the beauty within…) it is alarming how quickly the film spirals out of control. Howl is supposed to be a wicked heartless wizard, but never comes across as such. Bad guys shift, and shift back – and in the end you wonder if the tale was just another excuse for Studio Ghibli to draw more grotesque old women. The whole thing ends up so saccharine that the “princes curse” gag at the end is the only release from the sweeping strings and sentimentality. The Westphalian steampunk meets Heidi setting of magic and science is never explained, and nor is the endless war being fought. A strange film, which may have very key points lost in translation twice. Great to look at, but bonkers and maybe (a bit) boring too.