Posts from 7th May 2004

May 04

Tanya’s Round of Rubbish: The Beach Boys

I Hate Music1 comment • 923 views

“Get a round, get a round, I get a round” – methinks thou dost protest too much, Brian Wilson. First to the sandpit, last to the bar. I have no first-hand knowledge of whether the rotund surf bard gets his in, of course; it is not my habit to drink with musicians. But by analogy one can demonstrate that Wilson was no friend to the equitable booze payment. He was ever one to duck out of taking his turn.

For instance: Wilson made “Pet Sounds” (a false promise – sadly it’s not only pets who can hear it). Fair do’s, said The Beatles, it’s our shout, and they came back with Sergeant Pepper’s. When it was Wilson’s turn again, did he do the honourable thing and get his album in? No he did not: he ducked out of “Smile” and slunk off home. Do we really imagine his behaviour in the bar was any different?

Tanya’s Round of Rubbish – Songs about booze

I Hate MusicPost a comment • 631 views

You know me. I’m the attractive, witty, sparkling lady at the end of the bar. With a giant sized fizzy gin and tonic and a word for everyone in the pub. That word may well be “turn that rubbish off” when someone uses the jukebox, but there is no place I feel more at home than at the bar. I love alcohol. And I hate music. But what is my least favourite kind of music. Why pop music of course. Why?

Because pop is the opposite of alcohol. Pop is what kiddies drink, no booze and no fun. Listening to pop music is like buying a coke at the bar. WRONG.

Which is why I have the terrible duty to bring to your attention some of the worst attrocities ever committed to recording media. Music: yes, but music about alcohol. Surely there is nothing more poisonous that taking one of natures most precious gift, and sullying its very name by singing about it. Over the next two week I will be ordering the most foul round you could image, songs with bouze in the titles. From the Gay Gordons to Gymntonic, let no-one ever again spoil the good drink with their pitiful tunes.

Complete list of every word

Do You See5 comments • 3,265 views

Complete list of every word used in Batman TV series fights.

A Grand Don’t Come For Free

TMFDPost a comment • 287 views

A Grand Don’t Come For Free

On the back of the bizarre news that a Brazil 11 will be appearing at Exeter City later this month, here’s some more: Exeter City to play return fixture. And they’re laying on a package tour! Which comes in at one solitary penny Sterling below the ’1000 mark.

Is that a picture of the Maracana I see at the foot of that page? Is this really a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity? Can I stump up the cash?

Yeah, yeah, no(h). I think. Temptation is a terrible thing.

Paedo fun with Farrell.

Do You SeePost a comment • 281 views

Paedo fun with Farrell. The Pocohantas story retold, but not in cartoon form but as a potentially raunchier Lolita-esque tale. The age difference bewtween John Smith (42) and Pocahontas (11) could make this a rather fascinating tale, if it is told straight. It probably won’t be therefore.

Anyway it will be hard to beat the best version of the Pocahontas story, as portrayed in Adams Family Values.

Club Popular

FT + New York London Paris MunichPost a comment • 785 views

Club Popular is NEXT WEDNESDAY! (Click for details). But what should we play? I’ve been sifting through the 50 CDs of UK #1s, ‘auditioning’ candidates, but I also want advice from NYLPM readers. Use the comments box to make a suggestion, and the selection that gets the biggest audience response on the night will win a grebt PRIZE. Totally obvious suggestions (i.e Dont You Want Me, Come On Eileen, Dancing Queen, Toxic etc.) will be disqualified at the judge’s discretion.

(There may also be a contest on the night whereby we’ll play one record that didn’t get to #1, and if you’re the first pedant to the DJ box you win a pint. But we might not bother.)


TMFDPost a comment • 111 views

OH NO!. And on a related (bum) note, surely it isn’t just indiephobia that makes me a little worried by the title of the XFM-sponsored alternative?

“Mad euro director, Americam remake, Stephen King, gotta be a dud”

Do You SeePost a comment • 344 views

“Mad euro director, Americam remake, Stephen King, gotta be a dud”
If you absolutely can, get Lars Von Trier’s The Kingdom (Riget) out on video. Have you done that yet? Do it now! Go.

If you can’t, or are too lazy (let’s face it what’s the point of telly if you aren’t too lazy?), then Kingdom Hospital isn’t going to give you the same thrill, sorry. Going by episode 1, the story is left largely intact (Von Trier is Exec Producer), but it’s annoyingly predictable that an American remake, through the eyes of Stephen King, of a gloriously quirky and visually distinct television play should end up so ordinary looking.

I’m not demanding that every TV director be as mental as Von Trier, but the original’s visual technique bounces off and ties in with the disorienting docu-soap stories and becomes part of the telling. A translation that doesn’t take that into account is no translation at all.

Trouble is that everyone who has enjoyed the original will review this remake in much this way. What I don’t know for sure is how this looks through fresh eyes. The stories (if as I hope are well preserved) are pretty whack, so should be enjoyable for that. Absolutely everyone said the original was Twin Peaks meets ER. I’ll say (predictably for me) Sapphire & Steel meets The Office… on acid. Be prepared for a slow pace if you want to try it out though.

One thing that I want to know is, has King translated the crazy character names sincerely? There is a Dr Jesse James, an (absent) Johnny B Goode, and one of the main characters is rechristened Dr Hook. (And from there the humour arises.) But was this phenomenon in the original? The subtitled translation didn’t hint at it (as I fuzzily recall), and my Danish was never going to be up to it, even if I knew what the Danish equivalent of Dr Hook was.

Kingdom Hospital is on BBC3 at some time or another, and on BBC2 this weekend – what you think I carry a tv listing mag around with me?


Pumpkin PublogPost a comment • 690 views

FISH UPDATE – thanks for the suggestions (see below). WHAT I DID: a starter of baked asparagus wrapped in italian ham and soft cheese (an idea of Anna’s from an old ILX thread, previously tested and known to be totally delicious). Creamy mash. Cod au gratin served with the rest of the asparagus fried and a few mushrooms we had left over too. I was concerned the cheese would be a bit too much but as it turned out the cod was pretty flavourless. Wife’s verdict: num num, especially the mash.

Links Round-Up: Eamon and Eurovision

FT + New York London Paris MunichPost a comment • 268 views

Links Round-Up:

Why I love Eamon’s “Fuck It” – lengthy analysis at Clap Clap Blog, good point about holding off the swears till the chorus, the Liz Phair bit is cheeky too (but then I’ve not heard any pre-‘sell out’ Liz Phair).

Troubled Diva on the real Euro 2004 qualifiers.

Eurovision World Of Chig – along similar lines.