Posts from January 2003

Jan 03

Slap Dee Barnes

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Slap Dee Barnes: another weblog I should be linking, why do I always (re)discover these things the day I update the sidebar? Some great song reviews and write-ups.


I Hate MusicPost a comment • 474 views


Your article on DJ’s was verry well put. I’ve always said that
calling a
DJ a musician (which some ninnys do) is like calling a waiter a chef.

Some disgruntled jazz musician”

That may well be so, and your compliment is accepted, but you should also realise that liking jazz is like calling a waiter a cunt – you end up getting served wank.

Tom’s Top Ten

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Tom’s Top Ten
TATU – “How Soon Is Now?”
STEVIE WONDER – “He’s Misstra Know-It-All”
RANDY NEWMAN – “Love Story”
FLO DAN – “Big Mic Man”
PET SHOP BOYS – “What Have I Done To Deserve This? (Extended Mix)”
SHANIA TWAIN – “I’m Gonna Getcha Good (International Mix)”
ADULT – “Nitelife”
KOMATROHN – “Mirrors And Chrome”
WHAM! – “Wham Rap! (Enjoy What You Do)”

And apologies to Power, Music, Electric Revival for taking so long to fix their link!

Real Music Martyrs

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Real Music Martyrs – with seven reality-pop singles in the Top 40 it was almost inevitable that some scalp or other would be claimed, but oh the unalloyed joy – and for once RMM is dropping its neutrality – that this week’s RMM should be the comeback single for Reef, stalled at No.44 while the Sneddons of this world rampage through the charts which were once Reef’s by right (or wrong). A shame that More Fire Crew were denied the Top 40 too – and a shame that David Sneddon’s single is so awful – but these are only minor blemishes on the skin of pop’s happy smiling face this morning.


I Hate MusicPost a comment • 508 views


I have nothing against children’s stories, as long as they don’t involve some magical instrument or other. I do however have something against musicians using their decidedly non-magical instruments to make simpering gibberish like Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots. Flaming Lips records are the musical equivalent of those inept posters of big-eyed kids you find in Athena sometimes – only the terminally weak-minded or the smirkingly ironic could find even a smidgen of value in them, everyone else just feels disgust and a vague pity. You will be unsurprised then to learn that rock critics love the band to death. Most Flaming Lips songs are of course the same – a rudimentary indie-pop tune gussied up by ‘achingly beautiful’ production (i.e. someone holding a button down on the synth) and the quavering vocals of an idiot man-child. The songs this weediest of all voices sings are either bad teenage sci-fi stories or dribbly platitudes – “Do you realise that everyone you know someday will die?” YES I DO you addled wretch, what I can’t comprehend is why you are adding to the pain of our too-brief lives with this nonsense? The title track of Yoshimi… is about a heroic Japanese girl who uses karate to battle evil robots. If you think this is cute, or quirky, or god forbid ‘visionary’, then you need to be gelded. If Wayne Coyne is a visionary so is Purple Ronnie. The Flaming Lips do at least get one thing right, their name – listening to them is precisely as pleasant as cystitis. Pass the cranberry juice.

Jan 03

Self-Promotion Time!

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Self-Promotion Time! My review of Britpop documentary Live Forever is in this month’s Sight And Sound – not on the website though so you’ll have to read it in the newsagent or! wait until the ‘Director’s Cut’ shows up on Freaky Trigger.

Jan 03

SIGUR RS – ( )

I Hate MusicPost a comment • 517 views

SIGUR RS – ( )

Come on people, did we not learn our lesson with Bjork? Iceland is full of evil, evil people who think nothing of drinking a skin full of Eagle Lager and pitching themselves off of buildings. Whilst I have nothing again heavy drinking, the plummeting aspect seems like the height of stupidity. Especially when you then don’t die and spend most of the rest of the year in the studio making music which can only be described as downbeat Radiohead. Music truly has no limits.

The Rs think they have cunningly designed an album in ( ) that is Tanya proof. How? Well every track is untitled, so how exactly am I supposed to slag off a track called . Well, using the clever concept of chonology I present a unique guide to hating Sigur Rs.

Track One is slow, proggy and has a block singing the word “Ysiyrr” over and over again for about nine minutes.
Track Two : see Track One.
Track Three : see Track One.
Track Four : see Track One.
Track Five : see Track One.
Track Six : see Track One.
Track Seven: see Track One.
Track Eight : see Track One.
And then, thankfully, seventy five minutes later it ends. In their blurb the band say that they want to capture the geography and beauty of their home nation in their music. And in many ways they suceed, with the exception of the beauty part. Much like Iceland they are a bit rocky and leave me cold.

I’m a big fan

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I’m a big fan of cheeky charming chappies Blazin’ Squad, AND NOW I KNOW WHY!

NB – this info is from Popbitch. Take your salt and sprinkle it over your chips of disbelief as you will…

“Russ Ballard of 70s prog-rock band Argent was the genius behind classic rock hits like Rainbow’s Since You’ve Been Gone and God Gave Rock and Roll To You for Kiss. So what the fuck is he doing writing Love On The Line for Blazin’ Squad?”

Now if only he would turn his talents to Busted. Unlike Jel, I loved the fact that they were an unashamed boyband with guitars! Look at their toothy grins and synchronised scissor kicks! However, WHY O WHY did they have to duck from this fantastic route they were carving out by attempting to take the get-out clause of hem-hem credibility? Their Futurama-esque video replete with “cartoon” boybands falling off a “conveyor belt” was an instant smack to the head. Come on Busted, save yourself and release Dawsons Geek!

(I will be trying to find their album in the sales, FWIW)

THORT: it would have been GRATE if Blazin’ Squad had appeared on the “urban” Wotsits advert.

Jan 03

Electric 6-Danger! High Voltage! (Les Rhythmes Digitales Thin White Duke Remix)

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Electric 6-Danger! High Voltage! (Les Rhythmes Digitales Thin White Duke Remix)

When I was younger and danced less I think at this point in my life if I was keen on finding a song for a specific feeling (I’m not) I’d have listened to Gram Parsons and Emmylou Harris doing “We’ll Sweep Out The Ashes In The Morning”. But I’m older, I care less, and I certainly dance more. Parsons and Harris did a bit of a confessional;”We know it’s wrong to let this fire burn between us, we’ve got to stop this wild desire in me and in you”. But this lyric sounds tired itself, that’s the point I guess, it’s the ashes of an already doomed relationship which refuses to just go out.

Danger! High Voltage! is also a song about seeing someone you shouldn’t, but the difference is the Electric 6 are revelling in it. It’s the sound of two people who are downright mystified by the connection between them but can’t stop announcing it either. “Don’t you want to know why we keep startin’ fires?” You bet I do! “It’s my desire! It’s my desire!” Hey! that could be it! And all the while the sparks are flying, and it really is dangerous because there’s no Parsons style guilt here. Neither person cares and ultimately something is going to fucking explode and somebody is going to end up hurt. The Electric 6 and I guess myself say “who cares”.

CD:UK Hotshots

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CD:UK Hotshots – the moral decline of pop continues apace a.k.a. set the videos! Plus – Richard X meets Liberty X (RX not exactly taxed on the “new ideas” front but great to have “Being Boiled” back in the charts); and Graham Norton makes shit Maurice Gibb joke and “the switchboard is jammed” (U & K question – how many calls does it actually take to jam a modern switchboard?).