Posts from 24th June 2002

24
Jun 02

VITALIC – “PONEY PART 1”

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VITALIC – “PONEY PART 1”

whenever i listen to sylvester’s “(you make me feel) mighty real,” i think, “this is music to snort coke to.” or, more craftfully, “mighty real” played as bianca j. got off one white horse and onto another in studio 54. the production is oleaginous and there’s an amphetamine-kick in its acceleration, but the intensity of sylvester’s vocal, an almost gospel-like fervor, suggests bright lights and packed dancefloors.

listening to vitalic’s poney ep, and “poney part 1” in particular, makes for a similar yet obverse experience. gone are the strobes and dancing girls, replaced instead by dark alleys and desperate men (and women). the production is not so far removed from sylvester: there’s a similar thickness, but the darker elements of the former are amplified and the kick drum seems uncannily persistent. synthesizers scream and vocals processed from a bad dream call out to the listener — if one chooses to accept it at face value, it’s music to mainline heroin to.

or maybe it’s the music that plays when miss kittin and her famous friends have sex every night in the back of her limousine, which is to say that, beneath the surface, it might just mean nothing at all. i can make one link between “mighty real” and “poney” with no vacillation whatsoever: no matter one’s drug of choice, and i’ve tried this at home, both still sound fantastic. and you can dance to them too.

BEDWARD THE FLYING PREACHER

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BEDWARD THE FLYING PREACHER

By Prince Far I and the Singers and Players. Not that I know anything at all about this reggae nonce sense (not even as much as Tom, whose excellent article on reggae you should go and read on FT) but I KNOW WOT I LIKE! And I like stories about preachers. You’ve got ASWADS version of ‘Son of a Preacher Man’ for a start! Not many people know of this track but that’s because it’s TOO GRATE. Ahem. Prince Far I here tells a story of a flying preacher. Called Bedward. Who falls and BREAKS HIS NECK! As a goth in practice this sort of ‘danse macabre’ is wot I look for in my popular beat music. Anyway. The most important thing is that on this track Prince Far I proves himself to be the Jamaican Mark E. Smith. His intonation, the playful subject matter and yet the underlying SCARINESS all make this all I need to know about reggae. Also the fact that Singers and Players released an album called ‘War of Words’ which is an OBVIOUS tribute to ‘War of the Worlds’.

UUUUU-LAAAAAAAAA!!

P.S.: TIM MUST GO!

LOUISE MUST GO!

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LOUISE MUST GO!

An excellent theory we came up with on Saturday morning: Britpop existed primarily because nobody had invented Big Brother yet. Self-obsessed twentysomething so-called every(wo)men desperate to be catapulted from new town obscurity into short-lived celebrity – for a brief period in the mid-90s they achieved their goal by picking up guitars and knocking out simple pop songs. But now technology has improved, and a grateful nation can gorge on pure wannabe personality without such nasty sonic middlemen. Seriously, though, doesn’t this look like the perfect BB line-up? And if they’d got famous this way you would never have had to hear the records!

Brett – inexperienced bisexual (just like Adele). Moody. Fancies himself.8th
Cerys – Shouty drunk Welsh woman. Nominated every week but the public never seem to tire of her wine-swilling ways.3rd
Damon – in-house romance with Justine! Devious. Meets the fate of all BB lotharios and voted out.7th
Gaz – the sort of cheeky chappie who always wins, curse it. Winner.
Jarvis – campily sensitive house intellectual – clearly a role model for Alex. 2nd
Justine – token posh housemate. In-house romance with Damon but does she fancy Brett?4th
Louise – the other housemates just ‘cant take’ her ‘controversial’ opinions! 10th
Rick – thick, ugly, makes continual dirty jokes. Viewers tear hair out weekly as they are denied the opportunity to vote for him.5th
Skin – Blimey a loud lesbian skinhead! Picked by Channel 4 cos she’s “in your face” in the sure knowledge that viewers will vote her out in week 2 and they’ll have done their bit for ‘diversity’ once more. 9th
Sonya – the one nobody notices is there until nominations start to get a bit tough a week or two before the end.6th

P.S.: This is such an obvious idea that it’s probably been used by the NME or something. I didn’t nick it but apologies if so!
P.P.S.: Tim must go!