Posts from 4th April 2002

Apr 02

DUEL! 2002 — Round 1 Match 12

New York London Paris MunichPost a comment • 218 views

DUEL! 2002 — Round 1 Match 12

Duel! 2002 Round 1 Match 12

Which Of These Bands Are Worse?
Moldy Peaches

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Two Duel!s in a row? Crikey, could the feature actually be getting back on schedule? We shall see. Meanwhile here’s today’s first-round match-up, between two of the most venerated bands of recent times. Some people love Mogwai because they make experimental music: now I’m all for experimental music but why does it have to be the same bloody experiment every time? Especially when the experiments were all done ages ago by Sonic Youth and Slint, and when the results are very well known i.e. the music makes you grumpy and your ears droop. Mogwai stand out from the back-slapping ATP no-fun crowd only inasmuch as they make louder noises than anyone else about how shit all other music is.

Mind you if they slagged off the Moldy Peaches they’d have a point and a half. ‘Who’s Got The Crack?’ is quite simply the worst record made by anyone so far this millennium — a crossbreed of ‘Because I Got High’ and ‘Where’s Me Jumper?’ played on a broken guitar by two gimps in animal suits. The counterculture is in a fucking sorry state if ‘anti-folk’ is the best it can cough up — listen listen they’re singing about blow jobs and drugs! Time to drop any pretence of bipartisanship here – I would love it if Moldy Peaches won Duel! 2002 but they probably won’t, damn it — do an old man a favour though and get them through to round 2.

YESTERDAY’S RESULTS — Coldplay 77% : Weezer 23%

Not much of a surprise here as Coldplay glide through into the second round, helped on their way by some comments from you:

‘A Poem for Duel:

Go away

Thank you.’

‘both are MOR schlock now, but at least weezer has a past to hang on to. Coldplay was born to be AOR.’

‘bands who try to be wacky are cockfarmers.’

‘You are having a laugh, right? It’s Coldplay, by a country mile, the Green Album may be stinky, but Pinkerton is a classic. I mean Coldplay even apologise for their rotten songs…”I never meant to cause you trouble”, it’s okay, don’t worry, just hand over your instruments, and we’ll not mention it anymore.’

‘weezer is far worse in that, in my opinion, they used to be a great band. blue and pinkerton captured teen angst brilliantly, the shift to green was just debilitating. coldplay? don’t fancy them much, but don’t feel seering hate neither.’

‘They whine about things going yellow –> They must be fed to the wolves.’

‘America will be incapable of producing good indie music as long as it refuses to see how shit Weezer are. If you like Weezer you are a twat and probably like the White stripes too.’

‘Coldplay Coldplay Coldplay. Who knew that Radiohead’s “Fake Plastic Trees” would beget Travis would beget Coldplay (would beget STARSAILOR, an act almost causing one to regret the Allied victory in WWII.)’

‘This duel has everything to do with what side of the Atlantic you’re on. Now if only both bands were under the Atlantic…’


I Hate MusicPost a comment • 599 views


There is nothing I like better than getting away from it all into the countryside, tramping with map and compass by my side – escaping the bustle and cacophony of city life. Actually there is one thing I like better and that’s a double gin and tonic with a twist of lime and plenty of ice – but sometimes even the desire for God’s own drink wanes. Especially when pubs insist on jukeboxes and piped music. So every now and then I like to get out of the city and into the sunshine.

At least I did until Belle and cunting Sebastian suggested it in Legal Man. (A song which many Belle and Sebastian fans say mark the point of their decline – not realising that the moment Belle and Sebastian fans existed the twee rot had well and truly set in). Instead now I grit my teeth and head out for brown field sites where I can do my orienteering. Certainly if the world all went to nought tomorrow at least I feel confident in my abilities to scout around the place – escaping those pockets of civilization where folk music has taken root again and people worship at the altar of Billy Bragg as some kind of god. (The only time I use the words “Billy Bragg” and “God” in the same sentence is saying “Doesn’t Billy Bragg make godawful records. I’m sure that’s why Kirsty Macoll had that altercation with that speedboat just to avoid being on England, Half English”).

At least I did, until some perky young chap I met whilst guiding myself around the Gasometers of Deptford accosted me with his own petty mnemonics. For some reason the initials NSEW were not sufficient enough for him to remember the directions the little pointer applied to. No this thoroughly deficient chap had to remind himself of the direction by reference to music. To bands in particular. Which is when I was reminded that yes – actually – there are a significant number of bands and songs which do indeed contain said compass directions. Orienteering thus spoilt for me I dashed my compass on the side of the young mans face and retired in a stupor to the nearest gin joint to exorcise the horrors of the geographical based songs and bands. What you will see over the next few days are the fruits of this gin-soaked labour: what I can only call the Compass Of Crime.

OHJ Blog

New York London Paris MunichPost a comment • 164 views

OHJ Blog: I like this – discussions of mostly indie music but with a nice relaxed, chatty, inquisitive feel.

Hot on the heels of Mamma Mia and We WIll Rock You

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Hot on the heels of Mamma Mia and We WIll Rock You – a Stevie Wonder musical is premiering in Las Vegas. It appears to use songs in both the key of life and the other keys employed by Stevie during his career to tell a story – though unfortunately not a story as unbelievable as Stevie’s own one. Expect to see a pompous know-it-all character, for it to be someones birthday and for there to be more harmonica solos than you can shake a (white) stick at.

By the way, apparently in We Will Rock You – the Ben Elton/Queen monstrosity – the lead character will be called Freddie Gallileo. I dare say his adventures may involve going to Bohemia, riding a bicycle (with potentially a lardy assed lass) and become a champion of something or other along the way.

Occasionally we throw up a useful resource

Pumpkin PublogPost a comment • 302 views

Occasionally we throw up a useful resource, and here is a web one for you. Sportspubs – does pretty much what you would imagine. Its remit is to merely to judge pubs from the perspective of watching sport in them. Its nicely designed (Fancyapint-esque area and tube drop-down menus) plus links for you to find out what sport will be on TV. Fledgeling at the moment, but they do have a pretty good central London coverage – the reviews are pretty honest about the one aspect they are interested in. The World Cup section will be worth looking at too..