Posts from 14th March 2002

Mar 02

THE BE GOOD TANYAS (like hell I will)

I Hate MusicPost a comment • 537 views

THE BE GOOD TANYAS (like hell I will)

In the film Candyman you needed to say the name of the films bogeyman (and particular nasty sixties kiddies song which is much more horrific) six times in-front of a mirror for him to appear. To invoke me all you need to do is mention my name once. In a faux-comedy way. In your band name and I’ll be all over you like a those blotches you get from stinging nettles when you fall into a patch of stinging nettles and get stung all over. Much like I am all over the Be Good Tanyas.

Be good? Why – as an enticement that is not far off saying Be Excellent To One Another – a philosophy thought up by two heavy metal fans as the route to ultimate peace in the universe. And why exactly are these winsome (losesome) Canucks telling me to be good? Obviously because they know that their brand of souped up bluegrass with country stylings is exactly the kind of wishy washy folk nonsense that will whip me into a lather. Folk music is surely a misnomer. Folk is another word for people, and there is surely nothing more anti-social than the sight of someone whipping out a banjo. I was all set to enjoy duelling banjos in Deliverance until I realised that this was not the kind of duel which ended with one musician six foot under and his instrument smashed into pieces.

The Be Good Tanya’s are hitching their trailer (trash) to the post-“O Brother Where Art Thou” bandwagon of interest in this most correctly maligned form of music. Surely any music where it is in your interest to have a cleft palate and generations of inbreeding is not going to be sophisticated. The values in bluegrass are all about homespun wisdom and respect for your homeland. In which case I suggest you stay there and look at the lovely mountains of Virginnie and maybe go climbing there too. I’ve got some special pitons you can use.

I have no time for these women and frankly they can stick their mandolins up their oh so other-worldy fannies for all I care. After all -according to them “the littlest birds sing the prettiest songs”. That may be true (though I dispute that pretty can ever be used to describe songs of any form) but they are also the easiest to kill.

And the last time I was in a Mr Q’s pub

Pumpkin PublogPost a comment • 292 views

And the last time I was in a Mr Q’s pub, a dog had been sick on the carpet. Difficult to say if this is representative of the chain.

Okay, another pub story

Pumpkin PublogPost a comment • 386 views

Okay, another pub story, another treatise on pub ettiquette. Last week I, Mr & Mrs Carsmile, Emma and A.N.Other (whose name has been forgotten) were in that most haunted of London boozers the Lord John Russell. For all its charms the place is quite small and we had nowhere to sit except at two stools at the bar. Myself and Steve take possession of these stools only after they had been offered to the ladies. However we spy in the corner of the pub – by the radiator with the persistant mayonaise stain on it – a table with two people on it who are finishing up. Indeed they are making a ten minute meal of the dribble in their glasses. We are ready, we are poised: we are carpetbagged by two blokes who get there just before us.

That table was ours, we had our eye on it and for want of appearing rude and hovering we should have been granted it by rights. Not only that but there are two people hogging a five man table. So I break what may be a rule of pub ettiquette and offer to swop their five man table for our two chairs. After all this is equitable for everyone, we all get to sit down. Yet I feel rude doing it and there is a wheedling moment as I try to convince the pair. They do go for it in the end – but did I breach pub ettiquette? Or have I bravely broached rules which help no-one?

I’m not quite sure what kind of reception Adam F’s KAOS project

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I’m not quite sure what kind of reception Adam F’s KAOS project has got in hip-hop circles, but I for one know that the records that have come out of it have been a damn sight better than his previous noodlings. Is there a distinctive British flavour to his production though? I would like to think so but certainly was not sure with Smash Sumthin’ – beyond its appeal to the bus shelter destroying fourteen year old in all of us. Now however with Where’s Mine – featuring Lil’ Mo the British lineage is much clearer. The production on this has a direct ancestry in Neneh Cherry’s Buffalo Stance – produced by Bomb The Bass. So another page in Rock Family Trees can be drawn – you know what I mean?

DUEL! 2002 – Round 1 Match 9

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DUEL! 2002 – Round 1 Match 9

Duel 2002 Round 1 Match 9

Which Of These Bands Is Worse?
Belle And Sebastian

View current results

Our Scottish Correspondent S.Clarke says –

“It’s the triangular face versus the fish hair style, it’s Scotland versus
Scotland in a battle of the boyband who can depress the most, DUEL! First being
airlifted into the arena as a representative of Belle & Sebastian is singer,
songwriter, egg/tambourine shaker Isobel Campbell, accompanied by Mr. Isocoles
himself, Stuart Murdoch. Their bland pastiches of sixties soul and attempts to
recreate what they did (to an idiosyncratic TREET!) in the past can quite frankly
be SHOVED UP THEIR BUMS as an example to be told WHEN TO GIVE UP.

And as for Fran Healys gang of losers Travis, it always rains on them BECAUSE I
AM A WARLOCK(ess) ph34r m3!!! I supose it’s a fight between a band who have let
you down and That Band Who… the band who WHOT exackerly Travis??? Bladdy
nothing. And as for that song about Sing Sing (or the TRUBBLES in Singapore – ARE
there that many trubbles in Singapore?), leave the songs that put people to sleep
to Jigglypuff.”

Yesterday’s Result: DIDO 74% – Andrew WK 26%

A victory for the righteous forces of PARTY HARD, huzzah. Dido sweeps through to Round 2 on a chorus of disapproval from you lot (and the lowest-yet Duel! turnout):

“I had never heard of Andrew WK, so I hopped over to his website and found this quote: “The future is so bright – at times I feel the need to cover my eyes with my hands for fear of being blinded.” He can he possibly not be worse than Dido?”

“Can I vote for both of them? I’d like to see them both gutted by starving boars. In the end, I had to flip a coin (it came up Dido; sorry luv, but the boars are waiting).”

“dido is for people who think sarah maclachlan is too intense. is it really that fair to put her up against a meathead bent on making the loudest, dumbest drum-machine-damaged pop-metal ever? granted, i have my skepticism about andrew w.k. (does anyone else think that “i get wet” sounds just like cheap trick’s “surrender”?), but i’ll gladly take his over-the-top absurdity over dido’s timid MOR milquetoastness any day. ”

“I dont know who andrew wk is, but how can he be worse than this horribly boring, even yuppier, cofee table version of morcheeba???? can america STOP BREEDING THESE HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE ADULT ABOMINATIONS???? I hope this lady gets to the final, ’cause she deserves it”

“Andrew WK is a dunderhead who thinks his silly music is deeper than it is (let’s not forget his Slade-aped sound). I’m not a huge Dido fan, but her stuff shows a heckuvalot more creativity than WK.”

“Andrew WK, on the one hand, is a mildly annoying idiot whose music I can even stand because I blissfully forget it the precise moment it’s over. Dido, on the other hand, is a hugely annoying idiot whose music is as close to my own personal idea of a Chinese torture as it can get EVEN THOUGH I can’t seem to remember a thing about it.”

“Andrew W(an)K is not a talented man. But I’m voting for Dido, cos her music is frankly gruelling.”

“I’ve made a decision to vote EVERY TIME, but neither of these acts are awful. I mean AWK is silly and Dido is nice, which is a turn off to many (as Alexei Sayle used to say, only biscuits should be nice, not pop/rock stars).
In the end I prefer AWK cos I like silly (I am a Helen Love fan) so ner.
I fully expect whoever goes through to be knocked out in the next round. This could be my first vote where I’m not with the majority.”
“I think “Here With Me” is lovely. Everything else is shit. And fuck you Eminem for foisting her on the world. Andrew WK, on the other hand, deserves to be hung, drawn and quartered. Not in that order, though.”

“I voted for AWK purely because I don’t fancy him, but Dido is cute. The music? both are shite really so it had to come down to fanciability.”

“my god! has the cranberries gone trip hop lite?”

“Andrew WK is a bit annoying yeah, but Dido’s music is the type of music they put on in dentist’s offices to torture people in the waiting room. I would rather pull all of my teeth out with pliers than listen to her sickly sweet, overprocessed, coffee commercial music.”

“This was a hard decision. Andrew WK is worse I think, having heard one song that was rather insipid shouting over a pub piano and guitars tune, I say him.”

“I’d let Dido lick me… Can’t say the same for that Andrew WK bastard.”