Posts from 9th January 2002

Jan 02


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The streets of New York, a cold winter night, and a whole lot of boomboxes playing pre-recorded tapes of a million swirly tinkles. This is either the corniest minimalism or the wryest new age you’ll ever hear.

(God bless Jerwin for remembering my wish list.)

BASEMENT JAXX – “Where’s Your Head At”

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BASEMENT JAXX – “Where’s Your Head At”

Fun, he says. This is a “fun” song. I’m guessing Mr. Ewing doesn’t watch much of the music television, because if he (like I) were exposed to this song via the images of rabid monkeys with human faces chasing after an unsuspecting A&R guy in some sterile hospital Lars Von Trier probably uses for his films, then he might reconsider the “fun” of this song. Even when I push some buttons and “listen” (in my head) to the song away from those freakish images, it doesn’t sound “fun” at all – the beat’s menacing, the voice is hectoring (“we can’t go on, go on without YOU!”), and those shrill electronic whoops & trills sounding off like air raid sirens (or something like – rockist alert! – the introduction to Pere Ubu’s “Non-Alignment Pact”). That could be “fun”, given one’s mood (says the boy that gets his jollies – rockist alert redux! – screaming along to Shellac), but if I’m looking to turn a party frown upside down, this is not the track I’ll be spinning.

Pub Etiquette: Playing Catch-Up

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Pub Etiquette: Playing Catch-Up. This practise – ordering multiple or very strong drinks in an attempt to catch up to your co-drinkers in inebriation terms – is bad form. It makes you look vulgar at best, a medical case at worst. That said I do find it neccessary on occasion to kick off my drinking with two pints rather than the more common one. For instance, the editor of this publog is a slower drinker than I. I drink at approximately 1.2 times his rate of consumption p on the first pint. His rate of consumption also reduces for each additional pint. So if I arrive in the pub at 8 on a Friday after a hard journey on the Oxford Tube, and he has been down the boozer since 5.30, he will not only be drunker than I and prone to rant about Tarkus, but my rate of consumption will be approaching 2p and thus to correct the imbalance a second pint may be required during the initial purchase. (Needless to say you should only even consider buying multiple drinks if it is your round.)

But even if you think it’s necessary it’s still bad form. And on some occasions your concept of “necessary” may stretch the boundaries of good behaviour to their limits. On a recent visit to London’s trendy Bierodrome the Coolest Man of the Third Millennium found himself at a disadvantage. We had been sitting in the Cittie Of Yorke all afternoon and were so incapacitated we were singing “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” all down the Kingsway, vying with one another for the honour of doing “the Bono bit”. In the circs we would have surely been churlish to take issue with a double-drink purchase, given that CM3M had been working behind a counter during that same time.

However CM3M judged that two drinks were not enough, and ordered two (2) pints of John Smiths and two (2) Bailey’s. On the last round of the evening. This meant that he was a) drinking four drinks to our one, and b) paying through the nose being as Bierodrome is not cheap. Also the thought of a cocktail of John Smiths and Bailey’s is enough to make the sternest stomach turn. Afterwards he announced that he would not be coming back to Bierodrome as it was too expensive. The result was that he sacrificed the moral high ground over us – given how hammered we were this is some feat – and on future pub visits the conversation made reference not to our disgraceful crooning antics but to his ambulance-chasing drink-lust. Readers – don’t let this happen to you!

A good range of Grman & Blgian beers

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A good range of Grman & Blgian beers I said below – and I’m not repeating it here merely for the deliberate and funky spelling. Things like this make me like a pub, despite the fact that I rarely actually drink them. I suppose it is attention to detail I’m looking for – and also an opportunity to annoy my mates by occasionally ordering a bottle of Kriek. Cherry beer = alcoholic cherryade = the original alcopop.

Mochi Manifesto

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Mochi Manifesto: another one for the sidebar (eventually) – music blog by Honda of ILM regularity, with a semi-focus on electronic sounds. Which is always good to see, especially since we neglect them cos the joke potential is low. Meanwhile you might also look at The Church Of Me, Marcello Carlin’s weblog which is already in the sidebar. And while we’re at it I was very happy to see that Jejune is still going. It’s not about music but back when I was part of the ‘weblog community’ it was one of my favourite sites. There’s no reason why it should have stopped of course other than my solipsistic feeling that everything on the Interweb slows down when I’m not paying attention to it. Speaking of which it’s time for a shake-up of the so-called ‘favourite sites’ on your right given that half of them never update and are therefore staffed by cockfarmers.

Come on Back Eileen

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Come on Back Eileen: Blimey is this some kind of meme? Anyway Barry Walters reviews the new No Doubt and the new Smash Mouth as part of a call for the return of happiness to rock. Hard to deny the appeal of happy, funny music though (i) I’m not sure it’s gone away (WHERE’S! YOUR! HEAD! AT!) (ii) our version of new wave wasn’t always so full of laffs.

2002 is the year of the

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2002 is the year of the…..flute. Well okay, a pretty poor observation and one which will almost certainly not be borne out by – say – March even. However I cannot help but notice that two big tracks for January prominently feature a bit of flute action. S Club 7 get the flautist in for You – which is a sure fire number one hit despite being not quite as good as the very similar Reach (that said it is very short, and I would imagine it will easily be the shortest number one of the last two years when it makes it to the top). Secondly Dre uses a lovely, lilting and breathy flute loop on ‘Bad Intentions’ which luckily helps distract from another lame-o Dre rap and an even more embarrassing effort from Knoc-turn’ Al. That has also got to be one of the worst rap names ever, I would love to hear the origin. Young Alistair played too much Postman Knock as a child – but I digress.

So perhaps by late March we will see the new flute heavy Craig David album and a Nas version of Annie’s Theme.