Posts from 29th January 2001

29
Jan 01

iJamming!

New York London Paris MunichPost a comment • 334 views

iJamming!: you can’t keep a good magazine down. Jamming! despite the noxious title was a class ‘zine from the late 70s and early 80s, now almost forgotten, but its ex-editor Tony Fletcher maintains a website with some old excerpts and new reflections.

The Armadillo illegal?

Pumpkin PublogPost a comment • 467 views

The Armadillo illegal? Much as supping on the wrong side of the law might make me look harder, I refute the allegation that the ‘dillo falls foul of the 1963 Act. The recipe for the Cider A is as follows: take a pint of cider and a single sherry. Take a swig of your cider and then add the sherry to what is now a slightly less than full glass. Serves one.

I challenge you to take legal issue with that, m’lud. The lager top, on the other hand, is clearly illegal. It is also immoral and must be driven out from any civilised society.

Crivens, I turn my back…

Pumpkin PublogPost a comment • 788 views

Crivens, I turn my back… Right, since I am the only one round here to hold a British Institute of Innkeepers National Licensee’s Certificate I can clear up the first of the many pub based questions. Namely : is snakebite illegal. Well they actual advertise it in the Workers Beer Tents at festivals so you would hope not (though it may have contributed to Glastonbury being off this year). Answer is no. As long as the proportions of cider and lager are either in multiples of a third or a half of a pint. You see it is illegal to pour beer in quantities which are not multiples of these fractions of a pint.

This does – it occurs to me – have an interesting upshot. Lager top, lager and lime and cider armadillos (especially the later) are illegal. Since to fit the top / lime / sherry into the pint glass it would be necessary to pour just less than a pint, but considerable more than two thirds of a pint – the draught drink must been poured in an illegal measure. Now I am partial to the odd lager and lime on a hot summers day, but even so find this legal application of the Weights and Measures Act (1963) to be rather gratifying nevertheless.

On your own in a pub? Why not pull?

By sheer coincidence, Saturday night saw me exploring 2 previously explored themes

Pumpkin PublogPost a comment • 268 views

as follows:

1. In a bar in Sosho (Cargo on Rivington Street)
2. Waiting for mates (well, actually work colleagues but they are fairly decent chaps)

As far as (1) goes: imagine if you will…….. the year is 1992…… a young, scantily clad girl ventures out to Ritzy’s in Dunstable, gets pissed on vodka and coke and giggles a lot. Now fast forward to 2001…… girl is slightly older and better dressed but ends up in what can only be described as the Sosho version of Ritzy’s (only this time I was pissed on rum and coke). Having said that the toilets are immaculate, drinks are not that extortionately priced (2.50 for a bottle of Stella isn’t that bad) and the place is ridiculously full of gorgeous men. So that’s where they’ve all been hiding. And they seemed to be straight.

And as for (2) – well this took the biscuit as I had to wait ONE HOUR, that’s 60 English minutes, for my companions to turn up. In this time I had 2 drinks, numerous nonchalant fags, texted a couple of people, phoned a few, leant against a wall, checked my coat into the cloakroom (and lost the ticket), tried to look cool, failed; you get the picture. Didn’t have a newspaper and even if I had done it would have made me look like a right psycho. I had already carried out extensive grooming during the day so that option was out too.

I have resolved to get places later and end this lonely misery once and for all.

Gravy Train Derailed

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Gravy Train Derailed: Napster, inevitably, plans to start charging a membership fee.

Am I Cool Or Not?

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Am I Cool Or Not?: a record-breaking 21 entries this week, but what is the verdict? And a new victim – get those guesses in!