Posts from 27th November 2000

Nov 00

So much to tell you

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So much to tell you: there’s a Godspeed You Black Emperor! review up; there’s a Mazarin review which touches on pretty much everything else under the sun; and A Loafer’s Discourse is talking about jukeboxes. And that’s just the start of it! Ah, bliss!

ROBERT FORSTER – “Baby Stones”

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ROBERT FORSTER – “Baby Stones”

A friend of mine had just got dumped, and they were trying to write to their ex and say some stuff, they didn’t know exactly what because they didn’t know exactly what they felt: you can sympathise, I’m sure. And I wanted to tell them to quote Robert Forster – “Every man for the rest of your life will be less than me”. It would have been a dreadful idea and as it happens also true.

I don’t know what baby stones are: I like to think it’s something to do with the way Forster sounds like he’s playing hopscotch at points in the verses, turning words into lines then running new words together into one: “The old men who sit on / Tree / Stumps / Know / Iamanunfortunateman”. You can’t write it down properly but it works when he sings it: he sounds weatherbeaten. He sounds like he’s been round the block once too often and knows a little too much, but not so much that he’s not surprised when his lover tells him she wants to see other people. This song’s his reply – it swings between reasonable and proud. I think that’s realistic – let’s hope I don’t find out if I’m right.

Am I Cool Or Not?

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Am I Cool Or Not?: two weeks off and I can only come up with this??

Ah, Shep Pettibone

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Ah, Shep Pettibone. That reminds me of a joke about John Noakes, Crufts and someone coming first. I’ll leave that to another date. Anyway Tim brings up an excellent subject in talking about Shep Pettibone. The proliferation of dog names for record producers. So we get Shep Pettibone, Mutt Lange and Butch Vig – anyone got any more? Seems like more than a coincidence. Is there something faithfully dogged about producing records?

Oh – before you say – Goldie doesn’t count. I know a joke about him, Crufts and someone coming second though.

Oh come on Peter, everyone

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Oh come on Peter, everyone knows that the producer of “Justify My Love” was, of course, Shep Pettibone. To get the same answer to a different question, one might ask “With which producer did Madonna create the best music of her career?” Or “Which producer does Madonna apologise to in the liner notes to Bedtime Stories after she shafted him in favour of Babyface?”

THOMAS DOLBY – “She Blinded Me With Science”

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THOMAS DOLBY – “She Blinded Me With Science”

Time has been harsh to Mr Dolby. Not only has he been usurped by THX in all but the most flea-bitten of cinema’s but now rock history sees him as the poor mans Howard Jones. And considering history regards Howard Jones as some bland idiot who was most notable for having a mate who did not know the difference between mental and physical chains – its unsurprising Thomas gets short shrift.

Its also unsurprising when you listen to “She Blinded Me With Science”. Pointless keyboard noodlings yes, but more importantly it is never quite plain what science she is blinding him with. Wishful thinkers might go for the science of the red hot poker, but instead it seems rto be the science of the cheap and nasty sample. Considering the sample is of Professor Magnus Pyke a now long dead TV scientist, any relevance this song may have ever had is completely nullified. Its a rubbish sample anyway – this woman blinded Pyke too – which is along the line of some sort of serial blinder and something the police should have been tipped off about.

Instead I have my own theory. Perhaps Thomas was confused. Perhaps she did not blind him at all – perhaps she deafened him with science. It would explain why al his records sounded so bloody awful.

Problems inherent in running radio competitions.

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Problems inherent in running radio competitions. Perhaps Radio One went too fan in their “win tickets to Madonna’s gig” competition when the wanted real Madonna obsessives to ring up. The questions were certainly harder than the average fill in the blanks – “Who produced Justify My Love” would have stumped me. Problem is real Madonna obsessives could go by another name. Stalker.

Perhaps adding a moral tie breaker into the quiz is the best way to go. Something like “If you say Madonna sitting ona park bench would you
a) Go over and say hello
b) Respect her privacy
c) Cut all her hair off and make a corn doll out of it, so you can then use it to practise some kind of voodoo punishment on the Queen Of Pop when she marries Guy Ritchie?

That will seperate the wheat from the nutso chaff.