Posts from 17th July 2000

17
Jul 00

Pulp People

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Pulp People: he may not like Tanya much (or me, if her reports are to be believed), but this is a comprehensive review of all Pulpish activities, and thoroughly recommended to fans of that excellent band. Plus the design makes FT feel good about itself, rarity enough to merit a link.

BOY BANDS

I Hate MusicPost a comment • 1,119 views

BOY BANDS

As you might guess, the e-mails I get tend to be a bit repetitive. Having sifted through the marriage proposals and assorted bleatings, one question crops up quite a lot: “But Tanya, what music do you like?….you must like some music!”. No, dear readers, I do not: otherwise this page would be called I HATE MUSIC EXCEPT THE GOOD BITS. Surely I can’t mean it, though? Tsk tsk – such out-of-date thinking. Nobody but Weller or Sting cares about sincerity nowadays. We’re all postmodernists in the twenty-first century, as our old friend Momus would be quick to inform you. What’s that? You’ve never heard of Momus? God! Where have you been living for the last fifteen years – Earth??

But this doesn’t stop people having a guess at the music I secretly like. And a lot of them mention boy bands.

Do I like boy bands? Let me just check. Do I have pubic hair? Yes. There we are, I don’t like boy bands. Obviously I don’t, for goodness’ sake, nobody does except accountants and sad gonks who think Abs or Rich Five would risk statutory rape charges in order to marry them. Sorry girls, the Jerry Lee Lewis era is over for good. And come to think of it, who would want to marry a grown man who calls themselves Abs – my dear, if you must name yourself after part of your body I think Arse would be rather more suitable. Though at least Abs is some kind of approximation of a word, unlike H from Steps.

No, boy bands are wretched. So why don’t I slag them off? Because if there’s one thing worse than boy bands, it’s fuckers who complain about them. Boy bands are disposable – nobody’s pretending otherwise, least of all the frazzled moppets themselves. In other words, any given boy band is going to sod off soon enough without any help from me: picking on them individually would first off wear out my CTRL, C and V keys (and come to think of it the U,N and T keys would be in trouble too), and secondly would be like picking on an individual mosquito or bee. And the boy band fans are plainly too young to know better, whereas the idiots who buy indie music (all of which is just as bad) are often of drinking age and therefore responsible for their actions. You see?

And any band who writes a song admitting that their mother is their biggest fan is too pitiful to bother with, anyhow. Yeah, Brian and ‘AJ’ (two letters! I’m impressed!), I’ll bet the Monsoon Bassoon’s biggest fans are their Mums, too, and do you ever stop for a moment to wonder why that is?

DJ Pretzel’s OVERCLOCKED REMIX

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DJ Pretzel’s OVERCLOCKED REMIX: a while back Greg was asking about videogame music, surely the next – if not the current – hipster revival genre. Here one DJ Pretzel and his chums’n’pals remix lots of old console game music. I haven’t downloaded any of it, mind you: my idea of old game music is Level 9 using BBC Basic to ‘cover’ Vivaldi’s Spring, a piece which struck me so much I went out and bought one of two classical records I own.

IGGY POP

I Hate MusicPost a comment • 392 views

IGGY POP

Just really a brief observation this but if the Igster had such a Lust For Life, you’d think he would have eaten something, somewhere along the line. If he had been a member of the Spice Girls (Rancid Spice?) I’m sure we would have seen no end of eating disorder jibes. So come on Mr Pop (no relation to the similarily titled MB game whose face had to be reconstructed – belov’d of all eight year old budding plastic surgeons), its not big and its not clever being a human xylophone. Eat some cake.

Fascinating

New York London Paris MunichPost a comment • 105 views

Fascinating article on Napster, the DMCA, and the recording industry’s ongoing Canute act. Found via The Laboratorium, who offers much more intelligent commentary than I’m able to.

More admin stuff

New York London Paris MunichPost a comment • 296 views

More admin stuff: I’ve finally updated the music articles page and will try and keep it up to date from now on. Forty-five or so pieces – something there for everyone reading NYLPM, I’d guess. Looking over the list I’m frankly pretty proud. Upgrades of the reviews and non-music articles pages will follow.

DJ Luck And MC Neat feat. JJ – “Masterblaster 2000”

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DJ Luck And MC Neat feat. JJ – “Masterblaster 2000” (mp3)
B15 Project feat. Chrissy D & Lady G – “Girls Like Us” (mp3)

UK Garage as “Pop!” and I love it. Replacing Sweet Female Attitude’s “Flowers” in my affections come these two… Why is the latter called “Girls Like Us” when they’re obviously singing “girls like this”? Why is the former’s keyboard line (0:53) so enticing to me? Will the answers lie in one of the many UK Garage albums I see advertised on TV? I think the time has come to buy my first ever trashy chart mix CD. Ministry’s Ayia Napa compilation (mixed by the Artful Dodger!!!) is ranking increasingly higher in my mental list of must-haves.

Whereas normally my right-on intelligent music fan credentials would come to the fore when making a purchase in a genre I didn’t know too much about, I feel that this time nothing is important to me except getting my chart-friendly little hands on the HITS!!! Until Craig David’s poorly titled “Born To Do It” LP is out I’ll suffice with something on Polygram TV records…

Take another listen; this is sexy pop.