Posts from November 1999

Nov 99

31. PUFF DADDY – “PE 2000”

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Average: 3.53 Controversy: 2.28
NW:You could slag Puffy for having the nerve to sample PE, but that’s a bit like getting on Mel C’s case for covering the Sex Pistols. Nothing should really be sacred, and I’d much rather hear a PE sample than boring old Sting. However, it is much more easy and fun to slag Puffy for the lame whining on this rap, accusing everyone who doesn’t like him of being jealous of his fame, money, etc. How utterly original.4

30. NAS – “Hate Me Now”

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Average: 3.88 Controversy: 2.85
JM: Come and have a go if you think you’re bad enough. 9
KG: Rap at its most gloriously funny. 7
MD: Nas says he can’t stop now, but really, where can one go from this kind of baroque megalomania? Nowhere but down. 3.8
FS: Ugh! Nas, do you remember an album called Illmatic? 3

29. JENNIFER LOPEZ – “If You Had My Love”

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Average: 4.08 Controversy: 2.36
Nobody felt particularly eloquent about poor Jen. Which possibly speaks for itself

28. GERI HALLIWELL – “Look At Me”

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Average: 4.26 Controversy: 3.17
IS: She is great. It is great. 10
AE: Devilishly catchy number, showing maturing of Spice Value System into ultimate form of Hedonistic Me-Child. EXCELLENT. Hasn’t done anything even remotely good since. 9
MA: It’s the trite lyrics that kill it. But – and here’s the but – that wonderful dreamlike big band insert more than lifts it into the sublime. 7
AT: OK, I give in. I finally admit that this is a dull record. Vamp off. 5
DS: She’s spent her whole career going “Look at me”. But I have attention-deficit disorder, so 4
KG: Limited range, sounds like a drag queen. 1
IOD: I so wanted it to be good! 1

27. CHRISTINA AGUILERA – “Genie In A Bottle”

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Average: 4.27 Controversy: 2.83
KA: Not as good as Britney but those Yanks sure know how to POP! 8
TE: Nice vacuum-packed beats which sound like someone’s sampled the sound of bubble-wrap being squeezed. And that’s about all you can say for it. 6
NW: While Christina takes forever to make up her mind about her body saying no, etc, her potential boyfriend has probably lost interest and taken off with someone more fun like Britney or Billie. Whiny, whiny, whiny. 1


FTPost a comment • 210 views

Average: 4.31 Controversy: 2.75
MA: Nothing wrong with a weak song that a pretty voice can’t revive. 7
GE: Can you destroy a record by faint praise? 7
KA: Isn’t that by the Corrs? 4
NW: It simply tries too hard to be adorable. 1

25. RICKY MARTIN – “Livin’ La Vida Loca”

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Average: 4.34 Controversy: 2.36
GE: Great fun. Reminds me of “Reward” by the Teardrop Explodes, if they’d have had any Spanish blood in them maybe? 8
DS: Perhaps the defining record of the year holidaymakers decided what went in the charts. 7
MA: Disorientating, titillating, sexually intimidating. But it won’t push me off the dancefloor. 6
JM: Latin-tastic. Estupendo and estupido. 6
ML: Because he’s such a tart. 2
KG: The crazy life, eh. Sexually obsessed Cuban gentleman, will ruin parties in the same way as Abba and “Come On Eileen”. 2

24. OFFSPRING – “Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)”

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Average: 4.38 Controversy: 2.18
GF: It’s an Adam Ant rip-off (“Hell’s Eight Acres”) so obviously pretty fly!8
DS: I try as hard as I can to hate this, but I can’t. 7
FS: Would have had more sting if the Offspring weren’t the whitest band in existence. 2
MD: So the Offspring are complaining that Mr. White Guy is making all the wrong consumer choices…how punk rock of them to notice! 1.9

23. THE BETA BAND – “Round The Bend”

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Average: 4.6 Controversy: 1.9
GF: I still don’t know what to make of it…so it must be good! 7
TE: It’s a funny, wise, odd little tune, but in amongst all this pop it seems kind of lost. 6
PB: If I had bought it, I’d probably like it. 5
MA: Well, it’s a facial hair issue, this song. Clean-shaven teenagers would imply a kind of nihilism, rather offputting. An Alan Moore beard and it’s indulgent middle-class romanticism. Lamb chops, though? Perfect. 4
IS: Paul McCartney as a one-man-band, in a dodgy pub, very much at the end of his career. 2

22. ATB – “9PM (Til I Come)”

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Average: 4.63 Controversy: 2.86
KA: Definitive choon of Summer ’99. 9
DS: Is this the one that sounds like a nose-flute? I think I like this. 7
MD: Seems like standard issue trance until the uncharacteristically pretty middle. Could be a grower. 6.8
PB: As a dancefloor filler, fantastic. As pop, fucking wretched. Takes me back to Minorca. 3
KG: The feeling of feeling very sick in a club you don’t want to be in with a very long time before you’re due to be going home – in keeping with the title. 1
JM: There is no room in the next millennium for the Ibiza sound. 1