Posts from 29th November 1999

Nov 99

40. SHERYL CROW – “Sweet Child O’ Mine”

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Average: 1.95 Controversy: 1.31
AT: A misguided cover, but not without a certain logic to it along the drunk lady does karaoke lines. 3
KG: Back to film soundtracks with you Madam. 3
GE: Better versions probably performed in pubs every day of the year. 2
IS: Not even a good song in the first place – reminds me of parties in garages, everyone standing round getting depressed and drunk. 2
TE: There’s a bit in this where the most ravishing pop-metal guitar solo ever – you know the one – pops up being played in a bloody raggle-taggle gypsy style, and you wonder why you bothered with ears in the first place. 1
AE: This is an abomination. 1
DS: Don’t know it. Not the G’n’R single, surely?

39. STEREOPHONICS – “The Bartender And The Thief”

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Average: 2.33 Controversy: 2.71
KA: They were doing so well until stooping to suckle from the teat of MOR AOR rubbish. 8
GE: A band like this in every town – why them?? 4
NW: And people thought the Manics sounded hamfisted. 2
TE: The Stereophonics are where pop draws the line. Their drain-voiced caterwauling and drably, obviously ‘meaningful’ lyrics should be everything the music rebels against. To arms! 0

38. THE VENGABOYS – “We’re Going To Ibiza”

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Average: 2.36 Controversy: 2.22
NW: The kind of cheesy dance pop I’d imagined died in the early 90s. 7
KG: As nothing to the majesty of previous offerings. Quite annoying they’ve taken this route. 3
PB: If I was five this would be great. I am not. 3
MD: Like they say, WHHHOOOOOOOAAAAAAAA!!!!!! This wasn’t a hit in America, thank goodness. You see, we didn’t invent acid house, so NOBODY HERE WOULD KNOW WHAT THE HELL THIS “IBIZA” IS! 2.4
IS: They don’t sound very excited – might as well be going to Clacton. 2
MA: You could argue that genuine music lovers had been given ample warning by the title. 1
AE: If I had the power, I’d drive them and their Vengabus off a Vengacliff, causing a huge Vengaexplosion in which their Vengacorpses would be flung to Ibiza, where they would rot as an example to the rest. 0

37. MACY GRAY – “Do Something”

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Average: 2.38 Controversy: 0.74
FS: After all I heard about her, this was massively underwhelming. 3
JM: Acid jazz is soooooo 1994. 3
KG: Has a lovely voice, sadly the song is bollocks. 3
AT: Jools Holland’s wet dream. 1

36. WHITNEY HOUSTON – “My Love Is Your Love”

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Average: 2.58 Controversy: 2.81
NW: Whitney Houston in single that doesn’t completely suck shocker! It’s probably due to her choice of collaborators this time round, but Whitney manages to reign in the melodramatics. The dying Yeti vocal performances will have to be left to Mariah and Celine for the time being. 6
AE: Whitney would be okay in a nuclear war apparently. And on the Day of Judgement, when we all tremble before the mighty one, she would say that she deserved eternal bliss because of she’d spent time in the company of Bobby Brown. 5
MA: Whitney never fails to do her stuff. Date the wrong person and she will dedicate this song to you on late-night radio. 4
KG: Not worth the ink. 0

35. THE LANTERNS – “High Rise Town”

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Average: 2.75 Controversy: 3.37
KG: Sounds really old-fashioned – poor Channel 4 documentary lyrics. 2
PB: The social commentary is ten years out of date. Literally in-credible. 0
TE: What if the Stereophonics discovered synthpop? Mercy! 0
JM: Tanita Tikaram with a beat – “Reach for yer skins and get oot yer face” 0

34. EIFFEL 65 – “Blue”

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Average: 2.91 Controversy: 2.63
AE: Also extremely good fun. Could have done with more BEAT. BASS FOR YOUR FACE. Starts off with excellent rant by obvious mental case about ‘blue world’. THERE IS NOBODY TO LISTEN screams insane man as he rolls around in his straightjacket drawing with a blue crayon. Then I saw them on TOTP and they were a boy band. Pity. 8
DS: Every time I turned on the telly, there was that bloody alien. 3

33. ATARI TEENAGE RIOT – “Revolution Action!”

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Average: 3 Controversy: 2.39
IOD: This is more like it. That’s the sweat of the teenage riot! 6
TE: There’s a good bit in the middle where all their machines break down and they just keep shouting feebly over the top. Otherwise business as usual. 5
JM: To be encouraged, but why aren’t ATR better than this? 3
PB: I own far too many records like this. No record with unintelligible lyrics and thrash guitars that rocks in at under 3 minutes is bad. This lasts 5 minutes. 2
KG: Arse. But they are German. 1

32. GAY DAD – “To Earth With Love”

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Average: 3.33 Controversy: 3.11
GF: Excellent, informed retro pop. 9
KA: All surface no feeling. 6
NW: But Earth doesn’t love you, Cliff! Even Menswear have done it better. 4
TE: I’d be surprised if anyone who bought this has the gall to criticise pop bands for being ‘manufactured’ ever again. No, scratch that, I wouldn’t be. 1

31. PUFF DADDY – “PE 2000”

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Average: 3.53 Controversy: 2.28
NW:You could slag Puffy for having the nerve to sample PE, but that’s a bit like getting on Mel C’s case for covering the Sex Pistols. Nothing should really be sacred, and I’d much rather hear a PE sample than boring old Sting. However, it is much more easy and fun to slag Puffy for the lame whining on this rap, accusing everyone who doesn’t like him of being jealous of his fame, money, etc. How utterly original.4