Graun journalist spends all day reading nme.com and fails to really read the glastowatch story she links to which shows a screencap from metcheck when it said that SEVERAL MILES of rain would fall per day, temperatures would top 2000°C and the wind would be over 1000mph….
Also Science dude in the original Times story is relatively reserved, basically there’s this weather pattern that happens kind of at the end of June, but really isn’t that predictable and it’s not really a real monsoon, really…
The accuweather.com forecast will DO ME FINE to be honest (it currently says no rain after monday night, overcast but reasonably warm all weekend)
News reaches us from
blackleg our intrepid reporter, MattDC, that scenes like the above are no longer permissable at Glastonbury as THE MAN has BANNED brothers from selling plastic 2 litre bottles of their yellow nectar. We are not yet sure if this is due to the plastic making a right old mess or the fact that each bottle contains approximately 14 units of alcohol.
If you have joined our Pilton Boycott this year (and thank you all 850,000 of you* that have) but are still hankering after peary goodness, brothers is now available quite widely. Use their excellent ciderfinder to find yr nearest stockist!
UPDATE: This just in “Theres a dude selling rockingdadchairs! ACTUAL ROCKING DADCHAIRS! Omg”
*based on reports in previous years of a million people trying to get tickets on the first day
Pete already mentioned this in the comments to our previous speculation but I think this deserves a post of it’s own just in case you missed it: Jay-Z definitely confirmed to headline Glastonbury this year.
Says Mr Eavis: “He will appeal to the young people and under-25s for sure, so that’s a big pull for them,” he said.
“It’s not like the traditional one we do, like Radiohead, Coldplay and Muse and Oasis.”
I dunno, I hear that being a Glastonbury headliner brings LOADS of problems! Like, now Jay-Z will have to worry about Nas giving him hash cookies before his normal cookies before he goes on stage and he’ll end up giggling his way through all the sweary bits!
Note how I subtly avoid mentioning the Neil Diamond issue… pah Anne Diamond would be better… and she no doubt needs the cash far more than rub old Neil.
following the actually not great time i had last year (PLEASE, someone take forward the supporters trust idea with my blessing), i have comprehensively and unequivically sworn off going to glastonbury this year (it will be the first one i’ve missed since 1995), but for those of you still interested, it’s the same registration process as last year (pound to a penny that they extend it past the end of february again as well), no doubt with the same passing on of emails to mean fiddler to cross promote events.
but, hey, good news for all the “teens” out there who have been staying away in droves over the last few years as the site has filled with 30-something middle managers like me, Michael (or MC ME (OBE) to his “homies” in the pilton ‘hood) has got some exciting news:
I’m putting on a black American headliner, who’s absolutely terrific that’s going to appeal to those people.
so if you are “those people” i’m sure you’ll have a lovely time. Speculation is RIFE about who this person might be, from Little Stevie Wonder to Natalie Cole, but we can EXCLUSIVELY reveal that one major star has, in fact, attended Glastonbury previously, although he did encounter a few challenges or, some might say, “problems”, which we list for you below:
It’s amazing how ideas come to you sometimes. There I was, surrounded by mud and rain and more mud, cursing the lack of urinal at the top of the New Band Tent (call it by it’s name) Field when it suddenly struck me. All the issues I had with Glastonbury reminded me of something, see if you can spot it:
1. “Father knows best” autocratic owner increasingly getting in to bed with commercial interests that seem to have only negative impacts on the punter
2. Said punters being treated like cattle with little thought for our comfort or welfare
3. Increasing costs and declining facilities
4. Being constantly told by media/controlling interests that you’re part of the best festival in the world, when you can clearly see the cracks round the edges
5. The complete lack of feedback mechanisms for us to get our views across to those in charge
I guess its too late to go round Mr and Mrs Suns gaff and see if little Jimmy Sun wants to come out and play? Am watching Gypsy nonsense in puppy parlour!
— Pete, Sun 20:30
Who? Doctor The Who?
— Pete, Sun 19:40
VITALiC! Fucking COME ON!
— awesomewells, Sun 19:30
Ooh my feet! Mark Pompom and then Vitalic and then potential bin death. Only the calamacho can save me now!
— Pete, Sun 18:15
We’re sitting having a lovely pint of real ale about 10ft from whisperin’ bob harris
— Carsmile, Sun 17:15
Sweary old Dame Shirley has got this party started
— triffidfarm, Sun 17:10
I have realised what glastonbury needs! A “supporters trust” so the concerns of the fans can be articulated to the management
— Carsmile, Sun 12:00
So GlastoWeatherWatch has left us a little in the lurch this year (congratulations on your wedding though :)). OK, so there’s Glasto Festival Forecast attempting to fill the gap, but they look like they’ve jumped into bed with THE MAN, how can we have a reliable forecast from just one company, eh, eh???
There will be much, much more on this front but from a pure visceral piece of musical fun there was really only one place to be in Glastonbury. That was the Roots stage in the Dance Village which unfortuantely also seemed to only ever have about thirty punters in it. Nae matter. The festival finished with Seeed: and their Glastonbury Dancehall Dancing competition which was tremendous fun (and Seeed’s German dancehall was pretty top too). They also get bonus points for asking “Glastonbury: Are You (Still) Alive!”
However same stage, two nights before, while 808 State were playing their own records at themselves I stumbled across Swami. who used to be DJ Swami but is now a six piece bhangra rock rap act who for sheer energy wiped the floor with anything on the John Peel Stage (and could probably teach the Go! Team a little bit about being a live act). More information on Swami here. Don’t mind the moody photo, they were lovely boys on stage.
There are other ways to Glastonbury, and I have used pretty much every one. The train does not differ hugely from the coach experience, except if you get on one of the full ones you won’t have a seat and it will be a bit cattle trucky. But the first four times I went to Glastonbury, we went by car.
This can be great fun of course. You get to listen to your Glastonbury mix tapes and the radio on the way down, including shout outs from Radio One. The M4 trip is not unlike Tom’s tube experience below, as you get closer more camper vans seem to be on the road, more cars filled with gear.
And then you turn off to the only part of the drive I now miss (the rest, as you will see can be deadly). Chippenham Safeways. Why we always turned off at Chippenham I don’t know, but there was nearly always a giddy rush around the supermarket to buy bouze and other inappropriate objects (plastic bread and primula often being high on the list). Value lager bagged, apples away you would get back in the car for the FIVE MILE TRAFFIC JAM. Well the forty mile drive to the FIVE MILE TRAFFIC JAM.
There was a bit of superstition about the traffic jam. Basically as far as we could divine, it started just where your radio could pick up Radio Avalon, so you hoped for weak transmitters. My first year this all too place at about midnight and our lucky driver managed to take two shortcuts through farms. But generally it was a slow crawl until you got to the site, and were placed in the car park the furthest away from the site.
Of course this was all in the terrible scally days, and is probably much more professional now. But sine going by coach, I appreciate the joys of jumping the queue as our air-conned coach glides past the mugs in their cars.
Of course, the journey back is a different matter entirely.
Things I drunk at Glastonbury:
Brothers Bar Perry
Red Wine from a Wine Box
Hot chocolate with whiskey in (cheers Anna)
Strongbow (a Tom misorder)
Burrow Hill Cider
Rum and Orange punch (cheers Emma and Alan)
Calamacho (red wine and diet pepsi)
Racist Calamacho (white wine and sprite)*
Sangria from the wine stall
I may not have drunk them all at the same time, but frankly by 2am Monday morning you would not have betted against it.
*It has been pointed out that this is merely a white wine spritzer, nevertheless I maintain there is something vaguely sophisticated about spritzers, and on Sunday night we were far from sophistication.