Hi, I’m Cardboard Mr Curry from the barely animated Paddington TV series from the 1970′s, much beloved by a generation who saw it as a genuine step up from a flapping card behind Captain Pugwash’s mouth. As it was. And I am here to give you the next five really not all that controversial films in the not-a-poll list of 2014 films. I am also here to make absolutely certain that Paddington does not make the list, because they turned what was just a bit of a mean-spirited neighbour into what appeared to be a lovelorn racist. Now I may have been an irascible nimby, but my qualms were mainly based on the hi-jinks that bear got up to rather than his origin. As far as the cardboard version of me goes, I don’t care what shade of Peru that bear came from. My name is Mr Curry after all, you don’t get a name like that without considering the role immigration played in your own lineage. And thus I am here to make sure Paddington doesn’t make the list.
Thanks Cardboard Mr Curry , and you will be pleased to hear that Paddington didn’t make the list.
Before I start writing about Number Ones again, a quick bit of stattery around the current state of the charts. This is an extremely wonkish post, so reader beware.
The official Top 100 Streaming chart was launched 30 weeks ago. Let’s see what’s up with it.
Of the 100 songs in the streaming chart.
44 have been in it for 30 weeks (i.e. since the first ever chart)
38 have been in it between 10 and 29 weeks.
18 have been in it for fewer than 9 weeks.
Compare this to the official chart – which incorporates the streaming chart, of course.
33 in it for 30+ weeks
36 in it between 10 and 29 weeks.
31 in it for fewer than 9 weeks.
The difficult joint number eleven post.
The very placement of these two extremely problematic films will suggest cowardice to you. And you would be right. I did not want a top ten that officially had these films in it. They are both too flawed to be put in that group (not that the top ten are in any way perfect). But both of these films actively repelled me at points in their running time, and were laughably up themselves too. One features Mark Radcliffe and Stuart Maconie pretending to be completely different DJ’s and failing. The other equally laughably suggests that it would be OK to stay in James Corden’s flat for a bit (and that you can pay for a flat in Manhattan by busking).
Those films are: GOD HELP THE GIRL and BEGIN AGAIN.
I think we were equal parts pleased and relieved to finish the Top 100 Songs of All Time. That is to say massively so on both counts considering FT’s grand history of unfinished lists. So when Tom turned in his arresting finalé for the #1 at the end of 2014, ten years after the list was “composed”, I found myself further moved to compile the posts into book form. Ebook form of course, we’re not tree-killing monsters, granddad.
You know, because free to read on the mobile internet isn’t enough. Right? Free to read on an ebook reader is what all the cool… LOOK I don’t know exactly why we did this. It’s a sort of experimental ground-breaking I suppose.
So follow the above link to the list’s index of posts and you’ll see we’ve added two downloads at the top of that page. Using one or the other of those you should be able to read the full text of the list with any of the ebook readers out there. We hope you like it.
Keep an eye out for our next mega-listicle: Freaky Trigger’s Top 23 Dogs of All Time!
* 22 galactic groats Mercury, not inclusive of VAT, residents of the EU please calculate your own local VAT and overpay your income tax appropriately, offer not available beyond inner solar system, page count may go up as well as down, may contain fonts, ebook printed on Forest Stewardship Council approved XHTML files
“Well, an early finish to the snooker tonight has left me twiddling my thumbs here at Alexandra Palace, so I’ll take this opportunity to introduce
my plans for world domination the final part of this year’s Freaky Trigger Poll. I’m sad to see that Olly Murs hasn’t made it through, I do love me a bit of Olly Murs – his cue action is second to none. Wait, I’m thinking of Ray Reardon. That troublemaker Olly Murs can barely work an autocue, let alone a snooker cue! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got an episode of Coast to dig out…”
Thanks Hazel, see you in at the Crucible in a few months. On to our top 10!
“Greetings! I’m Einstein’s Theory of Special Relativity. You may remember me from one of this week’s University Challenge bonus rounds where one of the teams failed to recognise me at all, let alone answer questions about me and my spacetime continuum. It’s almost like they were operating from a different frame of reference! It’s been tough living in General Relativity’s
luminiferous ether shadow all these years (even though I was around first), so seems only fair that I get to introduce the next batch of this year’s FT Readers’ Poll – these tunes are totally Euclidean!”
Thanks very much, The Theory of Special Relativity! Here’s #20-#11.
Back in July I had a quick listen and rate of the first half of 2014′s number ones. Here’s the sequel, picking up where that left off. As before, this is based on very few listens, and you can confidently expect my opinions and order to change should I ever get as far as this in Popular. Off we go.
“Wotcher, HUMES! Sewer robot RO-JAWS here, taking time out from cleaning THARG’S CLUDGEY to bring you the second part of the 2014 Freaky Trigger comics poll. And MANKEY MOSES, it’s taken some bringing! Those nurks at Freaky Trigger have tried to cram FIFTEEN of 2014′s best comics into ONE post. Like HAMMER-STEIN says when stepping out of the ROBO-LAV after a hard night on the oil — GIVE IT SPACE TO BREATHE! They’re round the bend – THE U-BEND! The last time I saw anything this full, I was -”
That’s, ah, all we have time for from Ro-Jaws, but he’s right – we’re into the list proper of the 2014 poll, your Top 25 comics of the year. And here they are –
“Hi everyone, I’m Tasmin Archer. You may remember me from The Harry Hill Show on TV’s Channel 4, where following a freak accident that NASA have banned me from talking about, I died and was reincarnated as a badger, and was forced to parade up and down for the entertainment of the masses on a weekly basis. How I escaped from my mustelid destiny and returned to Sunderland in human form will remain a secret I shall take to my next grave. Just know this: I can never look Gareth Southgate in the eye again.”
Lovely to hear from you Tasmin. On to the next part of the countdown!
“Greetings from the future, pop lovers! We are robot pop duo Daft Punk and we’re happy to be kicking off the 2014 Freaky Trigger Readers’ Poll! We’re definitely not bitter about there being no 2013 poll (one excellent human voted for us this year anyway – your place in cybernetic heaven is assured). One more time: we’re not bitter AT ALL. If you want to see bitter, you should see all the red pen on Robin Thicke’s Christmas Card list! Anyway, a whole bunch of you biological entities from around the world voted this year and the list is harder, better, faster and stronger than we possibly could have imagined!”
Thanks Daft Punk! Without further ado, here’s #40-#31: