18
Mar 05

The FT Top 25 Animals – 18. Meerkats

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MEERKATS LEAD TO MOCKERY

You know the rumbling swell of laughter, that starts with one influential person in the office, and then the scrawny middle manager, the one who goes RUNNING, you know the sort don’t you – well, she starts laughing too, which gives her favoured minion the green-light to start laughing too, and then the people from the next office come over and ask what’s so funny, and then the so-called office-humour gets passed on, and then in a Teddy Pendergrass sense, the whole town really is laughing at me. And why? I’ve only pondered the perfectly innocent question of “how big is 10 inches“?

AAHAHAHAHAHA, goes the office.

I look up from browsing for meerkats on eBay, my face flushed red.

“It’s a ten inch MEERKAT PUPPET!”, I try and declaim to the massed hordes of mockery, but they have none of it.

I suffer for my meerkat love. But hey, at least I have a toy meerkat now!

Meerkats generally spend their time running around various African plains being filmed looking cute, and avoiding SNAKES, but in my mind they’re the true futur-pop stars of the animal world. I can imagine them teaming up and going into dance routines. You can’t imagine that with the noble stand-alone BADGER, can you, or the tuxedoed penguin, or the scurrying ANT? Of course you can’t. Meerkats STAND UP and LOOK AROUND. What do lemurs do? SURE they have big eyes, and long tails, but do they look like they can disco? Not one JOT, and for these flimsy yet firm held opinons, the meerkat will hold a tight grip on my heart until death takes me to the great den in the sky. Sadly, meerkats GNAW and don’t make good pets (I’ve already researched). Does anyone want to buy me a Gobi Plain?

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