4
Oct 04

Spearmint – Say Something Else

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Spearmint – Say Something Else
In which Shirley Lee becomes a curmudgeonly DYS blogger in song form. OK so nobody on FT except me cares about Spearmint (and perhaps the rant is too predicatable for some) AND this is old news to the 5 Spearmint fans out there reading DYS, but I only just got the new album/compliation thing, and just had to google these lyrics. Thanks to Dadblog for this:

Why so many cop movies?
What is the fascination with the police?
I mean, why not make films about some other public service for a change, like librarians?
Good cop, bad cop, straight cop, gay cop, black cop, white cop, girl cop, boy cop –
It’s a buddy-buddy flick, they’re thrown together, they don’t want to work together
There’s no way they’ll ever get on, cos one follows the rules, and the other’s a maverick –
But! The case brings them together, they learn to respect each other’s differences
It’s got an English, or Asian villain, two major car chases, a love interest bit-part,
a neglected wife at home, a boss who’s a b@stard with a heart of gold
And out-takes at the end

Then, the British comedy
The funniest since Four Weddings, Notting Hill, Bridget Jones, About A Boy
It features a man and a woman who can’t possibly get it together because of the situation
It’s 97 minutes long, and 20 minutes from the end there’s a montage,
featuring the characters working hard at what they do
Set to a ballad by Ronan Keating, Sheryl Crow, Texas, Gabrielle…
Do you think they’ll get it together?

And the voice-over on the trailer
Why is it always a bloke?
Why is always that bloke?
Why does he talk like that?
What’s wrong with him?

And the feel-good story about the backward boy genius and his struggles in the world
Sickly, sugar coated American fables
With Russell Crowe, Kevin Spacey, Sean Penn, Tom Hanks –
The performance of a lifetime!
He looks like an idiot – but underneath he’s the same as the rest of us
Do you think he’ll win through?
Do you think he’ll win through??

And stop copying other films
I’ve sat through 20 supernatural thrillers, now
The obligatory unpredictable twist –
Oh! They’re dead already!
It’s entirely predictable
Entirely predictable because we all saw the Sixth Sense at exactly the same time as you did

And the British gangster flick
Guy Ritchie’s got a lot to answer for
Fast edit
Funky soundtrack
Trying to be Get Carter, but lost the plot
Great, camp British thesps put on snarling Cockney accents and swear a lot
The heist goes wrong, incompetence is rife

And what’s with all the logos at the start of the film
It used to be just “20th Century Fox” or whatever, now it’s
A Cheeky Monkey Production
A Cheeky Monkey Title
A Cheeky Monkey Picture
A Cheeky Monkey Project
Who cares? I just want to watch the film
Stop it! Stop flattering your corporate egos

And Robert Redford…
What is the point of Robert Redford?
Spy Games, Bagger Vance, The Last Castle, Legal Eagles
Pretty boy actor makes bad director
Stop giving him money
Give it to me
I’ve got lots of great ideas for movies
One where Shirley Lee saves the world
One where Shirley Lee gets to sleep with lots of beautiful women

And why do you persist in turning books into movies?
Don’t you know that the film is never, ever, ever as good as the book?
It’s never, ever, ever as good as the book
Stop it
Say something else

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