Do You See

Feb 04

the “wick effect” just debuted on midsomer murders

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the “wick effect” just debuted on midsomer murders, so underground culture is officially over (i wz flicking channels OK!!?)

Feb 04

What is the key trait of being a loveably prolific screen actor.

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What is the key trait of being a loveably prolific screen actor. If you ask Michael Caine, it is probably something to do with the having the really prolifically (for which read bad) part of you career a good twenty years ago. These days Caine is rarely lambasted for making bad films, mainly because finally he has started to avoid them. If only he had chatted to his old mucker Al Pacino* on this front.

People I Know is a hard hitting satire/conspiracy thriller set in the closing days of Rudy Guliani’s reign in New York. Sorry, that is what it thinks it is. It is actually a rather dull journey into the slightly grey parts of the soul of a very messy PR with a ridicolous Gameboy Camera plot tagged on that would excite no-one. Pacino looks more like the Scarecrow in The Wizard Of Oz than anyone who could seriously hold down a job in public relations. The poorly written ego of the piece is set up so that we are suppose to feel sorry for him when in a drug, drink and stress addled state he stares on blankly uncomprehending when Tia Leone gets murdered. Sure its okay for him, he’s got a fax of Kim Basinger to go back to, its poor old Tia we worry about – whos eidea of superspydom is using a big chunky gameboy camera to record the filthy doings of New York politicos in a 25th floor opium den. Sound intriguing? Well luckily the interesting politics gets put on a back burner as we watch Pacino trying to do Nic Cage in leaving Las Vegas. Just without being in anyway likeable. The acting is a success when it gets to Pacino’s self loathing, I did not think anyone else could loath this character as much as I did at the point.

*Old Mucker on Stella Street obv. My brain cannot actually place them in a flick together. Feel free to contradict this.


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OK so Tanya had !!!triply!!! treacherous sex w.Conrad on a Lear Jet, carving her initial on his butt w.her fingernail extensions, for Amber to spot and know and weep. Isn’t this the entire plot of The Pillowbook, except hyper-compressed obv? (I mean, I forget the entire plot of The Pillowbook, but I doubt I’ll forget this…)

Feb 04

Hunting on the web for information about St Trinians

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Hunting on the web for information about St Trinians – in particular when exactly Ronald Searle originally began drawing his cartoons (because some of them appear behind the credits in a proto-Trinians movie, 1950’s The Happiest Days of Your Lives, w.Alistair Sim, Margaret Rutherford, Joyce Grenfell, Richard Wattis, which I’m just now watching) – I found this excellently named website. It has more on Searle, more on the films, and just more

Best line from the film (or in fact any film): “The Infant Animal needs space, to breathe and blow!”

Some people might say that I deserved exactly what I got

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Some people might say that I deserved exactly what I got when I decided to go and see an Argentinian Lesbian Road Movie. And for the first forty five minutes of Suddenly, I would have to agree with them. Despite the pleasingly grainy black and white footage, it consisted of two millitant lesbians (so millitant they denied being lesbians) propositioning and then kidnapping a lingerie store saleswoman at knifepoint. Casual pointless voilence, and meaningless eliptical converations were the order of the day as our Mao and Lenin (oh yes) hit the road in a stolen taxi. ie – it was pretty shit.

And then, we get to Lenin’s aunties house. Aunties don’t really fit in violent, radical feminist chic lesbian road movies, and it showed here. The film started to be come sweet. Relationships sprung up, floundred and some semblance of real social interactions flared up. It became interesting. And then it ended. Suddenly. The end is the point of the films name I suppose, but also robbed the film of its warmth, reminding you of the nonsensical opening yet again, where the revolution amounted to smoking in Burger King. I deserved what I got.

Feb 04

Now, I know I was blathering on about this in the pub last night,

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Now, I know I was blathering on about this in the pub last night, but it really does need blogging. The second best thing about “The Ultimate Popstar” on Channel 4 last Sunday was Shakin’ Stevens being in the top 15 best selling singles artists in the UK ever. The best thing about the programme was that, for no discernable reason, over the credits they played 30 seconds of STAY YOUNG by ULTRASOUND, which I had forgotten all about and was more than glad to hear again (for the youngsters out there, ultrasound were THE BEST NEW BAND IN BRITAIN from january to june 1998, until they released their album which was rubbish prog) . Here is an interview with them from the glory days (which I finally found by searching for ultrasound indie tiny).

The programme itself was quite interesting, in comparison to all the other top 100-type shows that C4 knock out, because it was based on REAL HARD FACTS about single sales, rather than whatever hive mind idiocy causes GREASE of all things to be voted best musical ever ever and also they dispensed almost entirely with z-listers “what were we on”ing and stuck with the artists involved (oh, and abba’s rhythm section), a handful of other songwriters/producers (ashford and simpson, dionne warwick, JELLYBEAN) and a few decent hacks (morley, patterson, mick wall for the rockier stuff). Strangely, it is the only programme that was on on Sunday that has no further information on the channel 4 website…

Feb 04

FIVE LIES ABOUT BIG FISH 5: Lies Are Only Acceptible If They Are Really True

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I must admit I was getting a bit worried at the underlying message of Big Fish as it proceeded. This terrible old man had spent his whole life constantly lying abotu himself. Oooh-weee. I thought there’s paranoid delusional case at best, or evil incarnate at worst. But phew, when it turned out that actually his stories were all, in essence, true – well that was okay. Cos we all know that lying is bad right?

(I’m still a bit angry that the twins weren’t conjoined and that the fish story does not appear to be true, but hey – a few decades in purgatory will sort that out).

FIVE LIES ABOUT BIG FISH4: It is best to fall in love with someone and decide you are going to marry them without ever really speaking to them.

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Indeed it is even better that once you are married you still really don’t speak to them all that much. To the extent of not spending much time at home. After all they are just baby making machines who can be easily shut up by white picket fenced houses, its not as if they have personailities. Christ, imagine if they had personalities of their own. Luckily Big Fish confirms the real life truism that women really don’t have personalities at all. Just accents.


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A man who spends most of his life away from his family looking after a random town and spending an excessive amount of time with an attractive young woman* is a good a decent husband and father just because he doesn’t shag her.

A lot of people completely misunderstand infidelity. They think that just because someone spends a lot of time with someone else that he is neglecting his family. Of course not. The only thing that is important about infidelity is whether on not it is consumated. And Ed Bloom here, bar a quick snog, merely spends years doing up the house and spending time with the younger lady in question when his kid is growing up and his wife is lonely at home. Nothing wrong with that.

*Considering that this character is played by Helena Bonham-Carter, you may choose to select this statement as the lie instead.

FIVE LIES ABOUT BIG FISH 2: Albert Finney and Jessica Lange are the same age.

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2: Albert Finney and Jessica Lange are the same age.

Lange born 20 April 1949.
Finney born 9 May 1936.

And yet it is wholly convincing that they met when they were eighteen in the flick. What is even more convincing is that Helena Bohnam Carter is only ten years younger than Finney, without the need to use any kind of prosthetic make-up. Despite being born in 1966.