9
Jan 04

ALLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIUUUUUUMS!!!!!

Do You SeePost a comment • 739 views

Independence Day. Isn’t it marvellous? Hurrah hurrah let’s kill the stripper and those hippies! That’s the kind of morals I WANT from my films! Until the aliens bugger up by deciding just to kill EVERYBODY. Where’s the subtlety, the art, the je ne sais quoi indeed about that? Who cares when we have plucky heroes like Will Smith! He wears a vest! Jeff Goldbum! He wears glasses and is nerdy for Hollywood! And Bill Pullman as Mister President himself. Unfortunately I keep reading “Hitler” for “Hiller”, but I’m sure that’s not what the film intended. Is it? Surely not.

EITHER WAY biff kapow “oh no they have shields”! Well duh, they’re space aliens with 15 mile long ships, do you think they might have shields? We’ve grown up on Star Trek whether we like it or not and we KNOW how these things work. Implausibility in the ranks also rears it’s gooey head (why are all evil aliens gungey? ans: they are in league with Dick and Dom in da Bungalow who WE ALL KNOW are extra-terrestials) when J. Goldbum and W. Smith fly into the Alien’s Big House. We have been told the aliens are telepathic. Surely they would sense STONKING GREBT BIG BRAINWAVES not of their origin as soon as they approached the ship, surely surely? But nope, and therefore the world is saved by a computer virus. Hasn’t this happpened before? The Net with S. Bullock? Mm. *

In a nutshell, silly gooey aliens turn up and destroy everything. BUT NOT THE HUMAN SPIRIT ya ya. Some people fly about in planes and an old drunk saves the day. The only problem I have with this film is that he sobers up on strong coffee before getting into the plane. Luckily this diminishes none of his mentalism (the US army is more mental if they let him on a jet fighter in the first place I say) and off he goes to shoot alien arse. Believe it or don’t, there are moments of actual PANIC transmitted in the film which makes me glad I didn’t see it in the cinema, for danger of pants-wetting issues. Nevertheless, readers will be reassured to note that scenes of terror/fear/panic usw are then followed by ridiculously OTT scenes of American patriotism causing yucks a-go-go.

Summing up: I place it up there at least with Queen of the Dammed, although vampires > aliens. And, was the British army chap NIGEL HAVERS??

* Google also gives me The Virus but I can’t imagine anyone apart from Pete has seen that anyway.

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