We are needed more than ever. It’s an undisputable factoid that following Pumpkin Publog’s – ahem – vacation, the pubs of Britain have slumped in quality. For example the King Of Corsica, never admittedly a nice boozer but now entirely beyond the pale. Evidence (garnered from regular attendance at KoC karaoke nights):
i. Removal of nice karaoke bird with nasty karaoke bird (evidence of nastiness – never picks our tracks, forced me to sing Crazy Town, called us “hoggers”). There is no truth in the suggestion that nice karaoke bird had a breakdown after hearing Pete sing “Yesterday Once More” in his special voice.
ii. Arrival of karaoke bloke who is even more incompetent and shares nasty k-bird’s trait of doing all the songs himself.
iii. Decline in good manners of KoC clientele, eg the one who threatened to beat the crap out of a Publog associate in the toilets. There is more chance of being approached in the toilets of the KoC than any other pub I go to. Not for anything exciting like gay sex, but just by mad drunk men. They say something completely incomprehensible in a kind of vaguely question-ish way which means you have to try and make the most non-commital noise you can, like “Ahhmmmrm”, and nod quickly and then dash back to the bar.
iv. End of 2-for-1 alcopops offer.
v. Crowd of boorish yobs standing in corner singing over the top of U2 songs. Oh wait hold on.