“Seven Tears” is a platonic ideal of rubbish European pop: if it came out today you could half believe it was some kind of plot by the UK Independence Party. In its three and a bit minutes the poor man’s Boney M hit an impressive number of touchpoints:
– elephantine oompah beat
– comical pronunciation (“if dreams were wriggles”)
– monster key change
– lyrics that make no sense
– repetition of lyrics that make no sense
– repetition of lyrics that make no sense as a spoken word bit, just to underline quite how little sense they make.
Of course all of these – maybe excepting the beat – can and have been components of excellent pop, so there’s something – perhaps the song’s simple-minded earnestness – innocently likeable about the Goombays despite their record’s manifest dreadfulness.
Score: 3
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