Normal service is swiftly resumed with this seasonal trifle, an acrostic on C-H-R-I-S-T-M-A-S sung with perfect insincerity by Dickie Valentine and one whose lyrics tread precisely in the snowy footsteps of previous Xmas songwriters – with one fell exception, “S is for old Santa who makes every child his pet“. Like a malfunctioning electric reindeer in a shop centre display, this desperate rhyme for ‘alphabet’ betrays the shoddiness of the whole.
I was a lucky child and enjoyed Christmas every year – the family didn’t fight, the build-up was genuinely thrilling, and on the day a secular jollity invariably prevailed. So I find it hard to be too harsh to Christmas songs, even Christmas songs as lazy and trite as this. One consequence of loving Christmas, though, is that I was exposed to tape after tape of Christmas tunes – carols, rockin’ hits and oldies alike. Tellingly, “Christmas Alphabet” was not among them.