9
Mar 01

For one week only

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For one week only (and to avoid it being put up on the day the new chart is released), Pop Eye returns to NYLPM. Firstly, apologies. Pop Eye is a bit late this week, mainly because Tom and I have been busy being angry at Charlotte Raven for misunderstanding the pop charts.

Only one person to knock the Kitten off the top spot? Who could it be? Oh, well, would you believe it was Shaggy after all? He was just kidding all along. Still, that argument’s never going to hold up in a court of law, is it Shag? Of course, we’ll all be so fed up with it in a couple of months’ time, but that’s the beauty of the UK charts: we’ll forgive the man “Oh Carolina” to such an extent that we’ll play his return to form until the hook’s a catchphrase to rival “You ARE the Weakest Link…”

Atomic Kitten and OutKast fall a place each, with the CIN simply commenting that “Whole Again” had still sold, quote, “shitloads” this week.

Winner of the award for “most inoffensively dull track of the week” (an honour previously held by Samantha Mumba, who falls 4 places to number 7) is “Nobody Wants To Be Lonely” by Ricky Martin & Christina Aguilera. The title is true, I suppose, but I’d still rather be lonely than try to recall the melody of that one.

“I am like a bird,” says Nelly Furtado, which presumably means that he isn’t one, as he gender-bends his way into number 5. He had me fooled. That thing about the big hands and Adam’s apple giving it away must not be true after all…

Kaci manages a surprisingly high entry at number 11 (I thought we’d sorted out the chart-rigging thing?) but to be honest only Tom cares, and even he’s still occupied with his Mandy Moore singles.

Flick Scully-endorsed boyband Human Nature may be disappointed with number 18, but perhaps with the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, 5ive, a1, Point Break and Westlife’s new rock-influenced(!) direction, the British public have had enough of bouncily-dancing boys with spiky/floppy hair?

The Divine Comedy can only manage an ignominious 26th, with Caprice‘s “Once Around The Sun” slotting in just above it at 24. They’ve always been that little bit too smug to be included in most people’s record collections.

At least one of Blaze (53), St Germain (54), Ian Pooley (57), Bulletproof (62), Bini & Martini (65) and Medway (crashing into the top 68 at number 67), none of which I’ve heard, must be shit, which may very well signal the beginning of the end for shit trance riding high on the UK chart. Seeing as hard house is the next big thing (it must be – I’ve been saying so for about 3 years since I read it in a copy of Mixmag), perhaps we’ll get the good hard house next and avoid the shit stuff for the time being?

Not that we normally cover the album charts, but this week’s are particularly horrible: Dido propping up a bunch of chancers including Coldplay, Anastacia, the Fun Lovin’ Criminals, Toploader and David Gray. Only Eminem and Craig David offer a glimmer of hope.

Well, that’s it for another week’s Pop Eye. What? Was there another big story in the charts this week? I almost forgot. Quote this, you fuckers:

“THE MANIC STREET PREACHERS WOULD ONLY HAVE REACHED NUMBER THREE IN THE UK CHARTS WITH THE COMBINED SALES OF THEIR TWO SINGLES. WHAT MAKES IT EVEN BETTER IS THAT THEY PUT THE RELEASES FORWARD A WEEK TO AVOID COMPETITION FROM WESTLIFE FOR THE NUMBER ONE. SHOULD HAVE TAKEN THOSE OTHER SEVEN SINGLES INTO ACCOUNT, TOO.” – GREG

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