Boo-hoo! Sob! Hallo Readers, I’m Harry Styles, one of the One Directions, the X-Factor boyband sensations who are worse than both Rebecca Ferguson and Matt Cardle, as proven by phone-vote-science. And yes, I am weeping my heart out because my one true love (with a record to promote) has just broken up with me (in the middle of promoting a world tour). Yes, I loved Taylor Lautner and her kooky smiles SO MUCH that I even took her to the Beatrix Potter World Of Adventures, where we went on Mrs Tiggywinkle’s Teacup Ride, and I threw up in her hair. Swift! Sorry — I meant Taylor Swift. We did see Twilight Breaking Up, I mean Dawn, together though. However it is now ALL OVER and I am a sad global heartthrob indeed. Who will probably have a song written about me called “He Was A Selfish English Twot” or something. Feat Nicki Minaj.
Anyway when I get depressed and need cheering up, there is nothing better than looking at year end best of lists which are bound to feature me and my band! When reflecting in such glory I like to think of all the people who took the effort to vote, you may not know it, but you’re beautiful. Seriously, I don’t think you’re ugly even if everyone else says you are. So, here are the top ten FreakyTrigger tracks as voted by you! What do you mean we’re not in it? And Taylor Swift is? You’ll be telling me next that a track featuring people hitting dustbins made the top five…”
Thanks Harry, if that is indeed your real name. I am sad to say that you and your fellow One Directions only garnered one vote this year. But without further ado and without any more spoilers from Master Styles, here is the FT Top 10 of 2012…
=9. Nicki Minaj – Starships (Youtube)
Full-on Red One production turned up to 11. The last 15 seconds are the best – by that point you will have been bludgeoned into submission anyway.
=9. Usher – Climax (Youtube)
Equal score to Nicki but the exact opposite in tone — Raymond is in the middle of Doing It, and everytime a tiny bit of young person’s vworp sneaks in he has to stop and start all over again.
8. Chairlift – I Belong In Your Arms (Youtube)
I don’t know much about this lot but the version in Japanese comes up first on Youtube, so let’s assume they are Big over there.
7. Little Mix – Wings (Youtube)
Like most X Factor-cobbled groups, 2011 winners Little Mix are all the same height (hair permitting). They can all sing equally well, too! I must warn you though, they don’t always stand in the same order.
6. Psy – Gangnam Style (Youtube)
It’s a serious piece of SATIRE, dontchaknow! But a piece of satire with 1 billion views on Youtube.
5. Rudimental – Feel The Love (Youtube)
Gospel drum and bass on HORSES.
4. Underworld ft Dame Evelyn Glennie ft 1 Million People Hitting Dustbins – And I Will Kiss/Caliban’s Dream (Youtube)
Not many tunes this year have kicked off with the sounds of an enormous oak tree being uprooted and tossed into the flames of INDUSTRY, then proceeded to capture all the power and misery and PROGRESS and HORROR and TRIUMPH and optimism and regret and above all, the sheer unstoppable momentum of three centuries of social change. I can just about listen to this now without bursting into tears.
3. Taylor Swift – We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together (Youtube)
Wee-HEEE! I promise that Taylor’s third entry in this list is worth a listen even if you hate everything else she’s done.
2. Todd Terje – Inspector Norse (Youtube)
My favourite track of the year is the most cheerful bit of techno ever – I’m immensely smug pleased that so many other people like it too.
1. Carly Rae Jepsen – Call Me Maybe (Youtube)
SHOCK RESULT OMG. I jest of course — CRJ got a vote from over half of you lot so it’s probably not a surprise to anyone reading this. If you *haven’t* heard this then a) welcome back b) have a listen, it’s pretty good. Even the US Olympic Swimming Team think so!
So that’s that! A few STATS:
– Nearly 80% of the submitted tracks only got one vote, i.e. there was LOADS of good music released in the last 12 months!
– Nicki Minaj was our top splitter with 7 different tracks nominated.
– However the worst artist to suffer from it was John Talabot, who had 4 tracks nominated but didn’t make the top 40.
– Best named track goes to ‘M?retsu Uch? K?ky?kyoku, Dai Nana Gakush? “Mugen no Ai” (Furious Space Symphony, 7th Movement “Infinite Love”)’.
– Track with most individual votes that didn’t make the top 40 (i.e lots of people thought it was ‘reasonably ok’): Nneka – Shining Star (Joe Goddard Remix)
Our full top 41:
1. Carly Rae Jepsen – Call Me Maybe
2. Todd Terje – Inspector Norse
3. Taylor Swift – We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together
4. Underworld ft Dustbin Crew – And I Will Kiss/Caliban’s Dream
5. Rudimental – Feel The Love
6. Psy – Gangnam Style
7. Little Mix – Wings
8. Chairlift – I Belong In Your Arms
=9. Nicki Minaj – Starships
=9. Usher – Climax
11. Solange – Losing You
12. Plan B – ill Manors
13. Jessie Ware – Wildest Moments
14. Santigold – Disparate Youth
15. Cher Lloyd – Want U Back
16. Jessie Ware – 110%
=17. Nicki Minaj ft 2 Chainz – Beez In The Trap
=17. Icona Pop – I Love It
19. Kylie – Timebomb
20. Taylor Swift – I Knew You Were Trouble
21. Cassie – King of Hearts
22. D’Banj – Oliver Twist
23. Miguel – Do You..
24. Orange Caramel – Lipstick
25. T-Ara – Lovey-Dovey
26. Fuse ODG ft. Tiffany – Azonto
27. Saint Etienne – Popular
28. Royal-T ft. Ruby Lee Ryder – You’re Saved
29. Miguel – Adorn
30. Marina & The Diamonds – Primadonna
31. Dawn Richard – Pretty Wicked Things
32. Grimes – Genesis
=33. Dev – Take Her From You
=33. Alunageorge – You Know You Like It
34. Blur – Under The Westway
35. Frank Ocean – Thinkin Bout You
36. Le1f – Wut
37. Tame Impala – Elephant
38. Taylor Swift – Begin Again
=40. Nicki Minaj – Stupid Hoe
=40. Angel Haze – New York
And here are the songs that got a #1 vote but didn’t make it into the above list:
Elle Varner – Sound-Proof Room
Emeli Sande – My Kind Of Love
G-Dragon – One Of A Kind
Hot Chip – Night And Day
Lenny Fontana – Spirit of the Sun (Mike Delinquent Project Remix)
Momoiro Clover Z – M?retsu Uch? K?ky?kyoku, Dai Nana Gakush? “Mugen no Ai” (Furious Space Symphony, 7th Movement “Infinite Love”) <— DO WATCH THIS
Nas – A Queen’s Story
of Montreal – Dour Percentage
Perseus – Seychelles
Sky Ferreira – Everything Is Embarrasing
Stooshe – Fuck Me
That’s yer lot. Thanks again to everyone who voted!