29
Jan 08

Shooting Fish In A Barrel Department: Biffy Clyro Division

I Hate Music6 comments • 1,311 views

Biffy Clyro, Scottish emo pioneers* think that just because they have a stupid name that they are same from me. Perhaps they think that by being so awesomely bad on purpose, that I won’t bother to criticise their audience proof music. But seriously guys, red rag meet bull. They have named their new since Who’s Got A Match?.

Guess what. I’ve got a match…

whogot_a_match.jpg

Your single cover: Hipgnosis after a hip operation**.
Your beards: the pubic hair shavings of Emerson, Lake and Palmer stuck on Clement Freud.
Your music: Fugazi played by dyslexic bees with Busted with a sore throat.
Your lyrics: A grumpy dyslexic Pam Ayres (I wish I’d looked after my beard)
Your career: The biggest waste of time since the Pre-Cambrian era.

Is that enough matches? Any left, I’d be more than happy to toss it on a pile of your records. Which is ironic because your records are a pile of toss. Going quiet, loud, quiet is not exactly NEW.

*Thinking about emo pioneers cannot help make me smile. Just the idea of Hitler haired pantywaists being eaten by bears in the mid-west whilst their womenfolks stripey tights attract the local Native American population for revenge for the entire career of Sunny Day Real Estate…

**Its pretty bad for a modern single cover, but admittedly doesn’t quite reach some of these heights.

Comments

  1. 1
    screwball on 2 Aug 2008 #

    Hi Tanya,

    I have just discovered your blog by a very happy and purely accidental twist of fate whilst searching for reviews of The Pogues. A band who I love like a Texan loves his cousin but that’s bye the bye. Getting into a discussion about why you are wrong about them will have as much an effect as trying to persuade our Texan friends that the Darwinian approach to procreation is in fact the right one.

    Don’t get me wrong I have no beef with your intentions. I too love to hate. I similarly hate with the vitriolic venom that spits out of your mouth.

    So I was intrigued by you having skimmed through your venonous blogs.

    I have been trying to figure you out, wondering why someone who claims to hate music so much but yet has this encyclopedic knowledge of music and literature and all the great cultural references that have shaped the world we live that someone like John Peel could only have.

    Then it dawned on me you are John Peel..well the re-incarnation of. John I don’t know what you did in your former life to be punished with such biblical and hilarious irony that you now spend your new life hating the thing that you loved. Krishna is a fucking genius is all that I can say.

    Rock on John Peel

  2. 2
    Matt on 29 Aug 2008 #

    I reaaaaaaally like Biffy Clyro! They really are a great band, and their discography starts being quite huge!!! http://www.deezer.com/en/biffy-clyro.html

  3. 3
    DJ Punctum on 29 Aug 2008 #

    Sorry, wrong answer!

  4. 4
    Fiona on 2 Dec 2008 #

    How many of Biffy’s songs have you actually listened to? I don’t see how anyone who has heard their music, especially their older stuff, could possibly hate them and think them unoriginal. They are not even emo. You clearly have a really bad taste in music.

  5. 5
    Tom on 3 Dec 2008 #

    They played at Steve’s wedding you know!

  6. 6
    dj Alex Dubcheck on 10 Aug 2013 #

    This is not a bad cover for the XXI century’s first years standard,
    actually

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