I Hate Music

16
Jun 04

THE ORDINARY BOYS

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THE ORDINARY BOYS

Have we stooped so low that new bands start sounding like the abstruse unloved band of old. I was not surprised when Suede rocked up ripping off Bowie. Bowie had hits after all (somehow, I blame the government for not locking up his freaky eyed mutant arse from the get go). Gene ploughed a lonely but occasionally lucrative furrow in the nineties trying to sound like the Smiths. And as much as it pains me I notice the Smiths were successful.

But this morning, due to a newsagent whom I will not be using again, I caught a bit of a brand new band. The Ordinary Boys. And has a band ever sounded as ordinary? Well yes, actually. You see The Ordinary Boys seem to be some form of Family Cat pastiche band. And really the world was not clamouring for anything more from Stephen Jelbert’s manky misfits. So hopefully the OB’s will go the same way.

10
Jun 04

MAGNOLIA

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MAGNOLIA

Persusing like I do on occasion the film trade press (waiting for a return to proper SILENT cinema) I came across an interview with Paul Thomas Anderson. Apparently this young whippersnapper has made a number of critically lauded films, including one called Magnolia. I have to say I could not remember seeing Magnolia – until perusing my diary explained why. It had a cacophonous soundtrack which made me walk out after ten minutes.

Anyway Mr Anderson explained that not only did he like the music played on the soundtrack but that it had motivated the film in the first place. A few tracks by Aimee Mann had turned into a tedious three hour meditation on the nature of coincidence starring lots of ugly actors being miserable and horrible to one another. Not exactly a compliment, is it Aimee?

4
Jun 04

TANYA’S MAILBOX

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TANYA’S MAILBOX

Just a quick delve here, ignoring self confessed Bowiephile and dead Labour Party leader John Smith’s rant about the title of THAT Bowie alubm “And for fuck’s sake, it’s TRAFOZSATSFM, not TFAR…”. But I hold my hand up to Roy de Bie who picked up that Mai Tai were actually Dutch, not German. Like that would make a quality difference. However a suggestion from Galeraven@aol.com needed a reply.

Maybe you hate music. Or maybe you just need to get laid!!!!

Now Mr Galeraven@aol.com if that is your real name, and you know it really could be, yes I do hate music. And getting a lousy James album with ugly Tim Booth in a dress on the cover is not going to help now, is it.

3
Jun 04

I Hate Music advice watch: Kelly Osbourne – “Papa Don’t Preach”

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A fine piece of advice there from young Kelly. Frankly even in this day of online ordination it would be hard pushed to find a church that would accept Ozzy Osbourne as congregation let alone a lay preacher. And even if he did obtain a certificate from atonewithgod.com it is difficult to see who exactly would be able to understand a word he said, his preaching style being heavy on the incoherent mumbling. Even past these frankly insurmountable problems, if he could be understood, it is hard to say if biting the head off a bat counts as a proper holy devotion. So good advice Kelly.

Alternatively if Kelly’s advice is more of the colloquial style, thus asking her Papa not to preach at her about some misdemeanour we must also concur. He would be better of batting her head off.