THE THEME FROM ONLY FOOLS AND HORSES
There was some bloke who recently wrote a book about television programmes. Not my idea of fun, but a much more respectable job than writing about pop music in the positive. However as part of this tome he decided to subject himself to a comparative job of working out what the best theme song ever was.
To which I would always reply the TV show without a theme song. Unfortunately there have not been many of them. Still I would not have committed myself to the stupid task to start off with. This fella (like I say, I forget his name due to excessive consumption of my new favourite drink Tonic’n'Gin) managed to raise the hackles of the amassed tabloid press by picking some ridiculous show about a horse of some such nonsense in the sixties. Where, they all clamoured, was the theme tune to Only Fools And Horses?
Shall I tell you. It was in the bin where John Sullivan should have left it in the first place. Those of you who are not aware of this, the UK’s most beloved comedy program, it is the everyday tale of a nasty, pernicious villain and his idiot brother who week in week out try to swindle people of their money whilst dropping lovable cockney catchphrases. If you were being charitable you could call it Crimewatch UK with jokes - except Crimewatch UK generally has better jokes. And it has a theme tune in which a sullen cockney voice intones the key points about swindlous trading: “no income tax, no V.A.T, No money back, No guarantee”. The line missing from this song is obviously no bloody quality either.
People who did not turn off the moment the song came on were often lulled into the assumption that the piss poor vocals had to be done by Nicholas Lyndhurst, star of said TV programme belov’d for his gormless voice, expression and existence. In truth it was the writer of the song, who was also the writer of the show illustrating his vibrant personality. The idea that a colloquialism for the life of a conman and a French expression could rhyme could only spring from the well-font of an imagination that thinks someone falling behind a bar is the funniest thing ever. “C’est magnifique - Hooky Street!”
Worse still was the fact that there were actually two theme tunes to the show (presumably Sullivan thought he could stretch this to an A-side and a B-side rather than the more apt up his own backside). Why do only fools and horse work? So they can afford to go to the pub and not sit at home watching and listening to claptrap like this.
Site powered by
None of ya business on November 3rd, 2006
You stupid fuckin’ bitch. You MUST be American. You stupid fricken idiot…. you must have no life, if you have to spend your time writing about your “hates”. Stupid cow.
nacnud112 on November 4th, 2006
ooh, calm down.(sheesh)
If you can make a better theme tune I’d like to see it…anyway-It’s called a C-O-M-E-D-Y, it is a programme with a funny side. Programmes are usually set somewhere where something funny can happen and because of where they are set the theme tune corresponds-both of you are too hyped up.
There are two things to say
COMEDY-N a dramatic work or production having a pleasant or humorous character; the litery genre consisting of such works; a story with a happy ending; an incident of a comic or humorous nature.
CALM- ADJ still or quiet; of the weather, not windy;(of a person or an action) serene, tranquil, assured; cool, impudent. N absence of wind (also in PL); a reading of 0 on the beaufort scale, indicating a wind speed of less than 1mph (meteorol); repose; serenity of feeling or actions.-Vt and Vi (also calm down)to make or become calm; to quiet.
I, personally, am not American.
Has the theme to ‘Only fools and horses’ got another name?
FT's pˆnk s lord sükråt cunctør on November 4th, 2006
lohengrin
Graham on January 2nd, 2007
You havn’t got a clue….. sod American, you must be some sort of tit!
suck my balls you spear chucking mud hut builder…. rot in hell with your poorly educated comments. (Have you ever talked to a woman without giving your credit card number!!!)
andy on March 3rd, 2007
you silly daft bint why would you spend all that time takin the piss out of a comedy program and a guy that made one of the most beloved comedy sitcoms of the century,the actors went on to carry on magical programs i love only fools and horses and i havnt met a true brit that hasnt either you proper need to get a life dude,oh and i am a musician and im tryin too cover the song myself just to offer respect to a quality program
Al Ewing on March 4th, 2007
British National Party in ‘we love Only Fools And Horses’ non-shocker.
Mark on April 13th, 2007
Quote
“it is the everyday tale of a nasty, pernicious villain and his idiot brother who week in week out try to swindle people of their money whilst dropping lovable cockney catchphrases”
Please,
If you are going to trash a comedy program than please male sure you get the basics of it correct. Have you actually watched the program becasue from the above comment Del Boy has never been a nasty villian…….
Did you get your information from your mum? is she Mary Whitehouse by any chance?
Do you eat alot of burgers?
FT's Pete Baran on April 13th, 2007
Not to bolster Tanya, but the sale of stolen and often dangerously faulty goods is illegal, and hence villainry in my book.
FT's Tom on April 13th, 2007
I bet “Mark” laughed at the Farepak scandal too. Only Fools And Horses is disgusting.
Way on April 14th, 2007
Typical americans you have no idea do you, although you cant really expect anything different from the idiots that brought you sergeant bilko who you could also describe as a pernicious villain with his dumbass comrads but it does give you a good idea of what the american army is like i guess.
Another sitcom they brought us was seinfeld look that up in a dictionary you will find it under steaming as in steaming great pile of crap.
Dont get me wrong the UK certainly have there fair share of crap sitcoms aswell as the US im just saying Only fools and horses isnt one of them.
Rob on April 16th, 2007
I wonder if she is actually American as she uses words like “bloke” but either way she just don’t get it and I just don’t have the energy to even contemplate where to start with this numbskull. By the way it’s Gin ‘n Tonic not Tonic ‘n’ Gin dick head!
Adam on April 17th, 2007
Oh dear god…some people are just pathetic.
“Tom”…you’re clearly a disgrace of a human being. Why don’t you go masturbate into that bible i’m sure you sleep with. Fuck sake IT’S NOT REAL. If you people had any sense, and if you really want to be so picky you’d also realise that Del Doy’s scheming and “villainry” has got him nothing but bad luck in life! So you can’t say it promotes anything he does in a good light. You people need to go and have the rods removed from you’re incredibly tight asses.
It sickens me to think you get to live in a great country like America…blind to all you have around you. Existing only to point out what you perceive to be “wrongs” in others. I’ll bet you’re from fuckin Ohio or some other Republican state where intelligence comes behind religion and “the war on terror”. Fuck off! No one wants to hear you’re opinion.
Or maybe it’s the line in the theme song that says “black or white, rich or poor” that gets to you. That’d be a typical southern-American’s opinion…”equality for blacks…no way!”. Or maybe the part about rich and poor getting the same deal? Fuck knows if you’re a rich American you wouldn’t appreciate (or know anything about) equality between classes!
As for the theme tune…it’s a fuckin classic! *Sings* “No in come tax, no VAT, no money back, no guarantee, black or white, rich or poor”
FT's Admin on April 17th, 2007
“in come tax” - even Tanya got that right, and she hates it, Adam. (If that is your real name.)
What baffles me most (more than the thought of Tom masturbating into a Bible, no really) is what or where are the cues that are causing ppl to believe Tanya (and others) are American? Especially as this article references Crimewatch UK, and all the words are spelled correctly. (mostly).
Hey, if we like America so much perhaps we should go and live there!
Kat on April 17th, 2007
I’d rather live in Moira.
'Alix' on April 17th, 2007
I’m with ‘Adam’ - “Oh dear god…some people are just pathetic.”. Where do you think you get off having a go at one of the greatest tv theme tunes of our time? What’s next i wonder? Gonna have a pop at the Dad’s Armys music? or perhaps “Time Team”? Get a GRIP you rtards.
Al Ewing on April 18th, 2007
TANYA PLEASE HAVE A GO AT THE THEME FROM ‘TIME TEAM’ K THX BYE
Adam on April 19th, 2007
Yeah…the space bar must have gotten away from me there for “in come tax”. Obviously i meant “income tax”.
Anyway, with regards to the remark about them being American…just to clarify, i never referred to Tanya as American as it does seem likely she’s probably British.
Come to think of it, neither is Tom most likely American (he mentions the Farepak scandal…). In which case i retract my ‘American’ part. It cn be easily replaced…just put ‘upper-middle/rich uptight ponce’ there instead!
Oh and ‘Admin’….i WILL go and live there…as soon as i finish college and get a resident’s Visa!
FT's CarsmileSteve on April 19th, 2007
in Moira?
FT's Alan on April 21st, 2007
adam, i think we are both having pronoun problems. the ‘you’ in “It sickens me to think you get to live in a great country like America” was dangling somewhat, and looked like it referred to Tanya or the site, not to Tom. Also, Admin (me!) said “Hey, if WE like America” not if YOU like america.
Thanks for your comments. Tanya has other pieces if you click around.
JOSH on April 25th, 2007
YOU FUKIN DAFT COW HOW CAN U DISGRACE ONLY FOOLZ LUVITTS PUREE BRITISH AND THE FUNNNYIST THING IVE EVER WACTHED AN WHAT DYO MEAN NASTY VILLIAN IAN HUNTLY IS A NASTY VILLIAN DELS JUS DOIN WHAT HE NEEDZ TO DO TO LIVE IN LIFEE GOD U MUST BE ONE BORIN PERSON LUV
Alix on April 25th, 2007
Bring back the draft.
steve m on April 25th, 2007
I was amazed to hear an alternate title theme to the show recently. must’ve been a VERY early episode and i hadn’t noticed the different music before.
steve m on April 25th, 2007
This is the funniest comments page on FT in at least a week.
i think your a twat on May 6th, 2007
Your a dick head! how dare you disgrace such a top british comedy that is only fools and horses! God you need a life if all you can is disgrace theme tunes! silly bitch!
Who ever pays you to write should maybe considering hiring a decent writer who isn’t an alcoholic? on June 9th, 2007
Your opinions are flawed from your white washed world of designer cloths and bad nuclear family sit coms . This show is one of the best ensamples of what British life was like during the 70-80s period. Not only reflecting Sullivan’s pure generous but the hardships faced buy working class people during the recession resulting from fallings of conservative government. A show written as a political statement as well as an accessible show for all un like the American TV shows which only cater for those of lowest I Q. At its hart it promotes family value even in the trotters broken family of supposed two fathers to dell and Rodney.
Who ever pays you to write should maybe considering hiring a decent writer who isn’t an alcoholic?
Franco on June 10th, 2007
There I was, I’d fallen in love with a classic comedy and wanted some information about the theme tune (which I actually think is rather catchy).
Why is that every time somthing good comes around, theres always someone to slag it off no-matter how idiotic they look in the process?
gem on June 21st, 2007
like franco, i liked the song n was just browsing for some information on the song and came across this. do you guys not have anyting better to do that sit here slagging a theme tune off? fuck off and find something you do like
Del Boy on July 25th, 2007
What a stupid community this is.
Why not tell everybody about how much you love the music you love, instead of slagging off al the stuff you don’t like? There’s plenty of choice in styles of music.
I had to do a double take when I saw this website. Sites like this degrade the internet community as a whole.
First of all Only Fools and Horses is a British Classic comedy. Even if you don’t empathasise with the working man, its just damn funny.
Second, the time of the making of Only Fools and Horses, there was a depression in the uk, and money was hard to come by and make, and the working man suffered. This is about a working class family and their day-to-day slog of just trying to make a few quid.
The BBC has just done a poll in which Only Fools and Horses was voted officially the #1 Brtish sitcom of all time.
Del-Boy and Rodney are harmless, thats what makes the show so funny is that they don’t have a clue about how to be a “villain”
I dont watch much TV and I live in a small village but I still get the point of only fools and horses.
Plus, the theme tune is catchy and has brilliant lyrics.
So, Tanya, you’re badly wronfg, about a great many things.
Tom on July 25th, 2007
Readers should note that this is the REAL ACTUAL Del Boy speaking on behalf of the official BBC website.
It’s an honour and a privilege sir!
Marcello Carlin on July 26th, 2007
Tanya is harmless, (sic) thats (sic) what makes her blog so funny is (sic) that she doesn’t have a clue about how to “hate music.”
How invigorating to know that the official, publicly-funded BBC website is maintaining standards of basic literacy and taking great care to ensure that its writers get nothing “wronfg.”
Old Fart!!! on July 26th, 2007
It’s most amusing to watch a bunch of humourless cretins charge a hilariously obvious pisstake with not understanding the true nature of comedy!!!!!!!!!
And no, I’m not American!!!!! I have a brain for a start!!!!!!!!
Marcello Carlin on July 26th, 2007
Wait a minute…Del Boy…D.B…is this David Baddiel? No wonder he doesn’t understand comedy!
stoneman on August 17th, 2007
You’re having a giraffe, Only Fools and Horses is by far and away one of the best British comedy programmes ever.
Mange tout, my son, mange tout!
craig davis on October 10th, 2007
u stupid fuking idiot!! how dare you trash the funnyest programme of all time u little fat loser!!! if you dont find it funny you actually deserve to be shot!! oh yeah the theme tune is great as well i really couldnt care what you fink either twat
jem omer on December 3rd, 2007
this guy is a total brat!!! anyway does anyone know thw name of the theme tune or were i could download it from??
joe on April 29th, 2008
Yeah you must be a fucking yank cunt to have that much of a single minded bland view on an amazing classic comedy, just because its british and your tiny little mind doesnt understand comedy unless its paris and nicole fucking around on a farm somewhere.
and its gin and tonic, loser… we invented that too, fancy laying into that aswell?