I Hate Music
DJ FORMAT – The Hit Song
In which yet another one of those incessant stream of turntablists hooks up with a lousy no mark MC to make a hip-hop record. DJ Format is a UK turntablist, for which read someone who wants to be in hip-hop but realised a long time ago that there are no decent rappers in Brighton – let alone the UK. So of course he went alone with his wicky-wicky noises and roped in the best solo rap artists he could find.
He really shouldn’t have started looking in Canada.
Abdominal, who raps on The Hit Song, fits his name only in as much as he raps just about as well as Abs from Five would. But that’s okay, since this is an “intelligent” rap record. We can tell this by using the Tanya Headon patented undie rap intelligence test:
a) There is no swearing
b) The subject matter is either needlessly obscure or utterly irrelevant
c) Simple concepts are laboured over in an effort to prove how clever it is
d) It goes on far too long
e) It is crap.
The Hit Song hits (apologies) all of these criteria with bags of self referentiality to spare. Y’see the point of the Hit Song – as belaboured over in the chorus – is that DJ Format rings up his mate Abdominal because they need to record a hit record. Possibly also because he has no mates in the UK. Why he has chosen a lousy rapper like Abdominal to make this hit record with it is unclear, he certainly doesn’t display any skills which would make this look like a probably outcome. Rather than a song about how bling he is, or how he shags loads of girls, or even how badass he is – Abdominal decides to take another tack. He combines the favourite topic of US comedians playing in the UK (what happened on their flight over) with a linguistic examination of what exactly the word hit means.
He picks up the meaning which a boxer would be most acquainted with, he is even au fait with the Mafia meaning. Nowhere in his illustration of meaning, metaphors and examples does he ever grasp what it is to have an actual HIT RECORD. You know, good lyrics and a tune. Instead he says the word hit so many times the it ends up having as little meaning to the listener as it obviously does to DJ Format.
(This piece was brought to you by the word HIT: which has occurred 10 times – one for each of the belts in the chops that DJ Format is going to get when I see him next.)