21
May 03

NO GIRLS ALOUD

I Hate Music27 comments • 2,176 views

NO GIRLS ALOUD

If we can thank Girls Aloud for anything, and I’m not sure we can, its for seeing off One True Voice. Them and the British public I feel have long since recognised that there is indeed only one true voice in this country, one voice brave enough to speak the truth – and that dear readers is mine. I, Tanya Headon, own the One True Voice and I suppose I should have sued the Postar spawned bastards. Instead Girls Aloud saw them off, and now – as some kind of thanks – I am here to see them off.

Do we need another Spice Girls, all of whom model themselves after Rough As Fuck Spice (the sixth member who didn’t make the cut)? Surely there are checkouts all over the country being unmanned while these five slappers ponce around pretending to have a pop career. And what a pop career, a career built solely on the worst kind of pop melange there is. Their first single, “Sound Of The Underground” had the twang of Duane Eddy, the shuffle of the Sugababes,the wail of Pink, a bit of Addicted To Bass, a bit of Buddy Rich etc etc. In short it is about 100 times worse than any bootleg ever, in that it sounds like nearly every song ever written. It was as if Dr Frankenstein, not content with creating an evil monster out of lots of body parts, then created another monster out of the body parts of 100 Frankenstein monsters. Well, a bit like that. Rest assured it is amazingly evil.

Unfortunately this is a trick ‘The Aloud’ have done again. And from reports again, and again. So much so that they have even seemingly survived being bigged up by Julie Burchill. Stop this pop madness, give us back our checkout cashiers now. The One True Voice has spoken.

Comments

  1. 1
    moirah french on 9 Oct 2006 #

    they fuckin suck they are hairy sacked trannys!!! wow i feel better getting that out there, my boyfriend, a boy i used to respect and admire, who loves smashing pumpkins,motley crue and system of a down- told me he fancies there frocked man freaks… its a black day for me.

  2. 2
    rebecca dempsey on 14 Dec 2006 #

    I AM NOT BEING FUNNY ARE NOTHING BUT HOW DO YA THINK YA ARE SAYING THAT ABOUT GIRLS ALOUD JUST COSE ITS NOT YOU UP THERE SINGING AND GOING ON SAGE AND THAT THERE ONLY HAVEG SOME FUN AS A GIRL BAND AND IF YA THIK DIFFREN DONT AND THEY GOT PICED COSE THERE UNICQ SINGS UN LIKE YOU THEY ARE THE BEST GIRL BAND IN THE WORLD AND SORRY TO SAY BUT THEY WERE BETTA THAN THE SPICE GIRLS THEY ARE BETTA THAN ANY GIRL BAND NOW THIS IS ONE TRUE VOISE SPOKEN BY REBECCA DEMPSEY 2006XX

  3. 3
    rebecca dempsey on 14 Dec 2006 #

    ONE TRUE VOSIE THEY ARE SHIT AHIT SHIT WERE WERE ARE THEY NOW SITTING AT HOME WACHING THE TELLY WERE ARE GIRLS ALOUD NOW UP ON THE STAGE DOING THERE THING XXXXXXXX BY REBECCA DEMPSEY

  4. 4
    Al Ewing on 15 Dec 2006 #

    I demand Rebecca Dempsey is given a regular column immediately.

  5. 5
    CarsmileSteve on 17 Dec 2006 #

    seconded, and also she should be our, sorry, are new web designer…

  6. 6
    Simon on 22 Mar 2007 #

    http://www.myspace.com/beatsworkingrockband this is sarah harding’s dad’s band – listen to John’s new release!! u will…..appreciate it….that’s all i’m saying!!

  7. 7
    rebecca dempsey on 10 May 2007 #

    hi everyone its rebecca dempsey i just want to now what is this about a colum are something i hope everone is doing ok girls aloud you rock my worldx2007x

  8. 8
    Pete on 10 May 2007 #

    Rebecca isn’t the same without the Caps Lock on. No column without the caps lock I say!

  9. 9
    rebecca dempsey on 14 May 2007 #

    HIIII WHAT IS EVERYONE UP TO I JUST WANT TO NO WHAT WAS THIS ABOUT A COLMN AER SOME THING IS EVERYONE FINE XXI LOVE GIRLS ALOUD THE ARE TRUELY THE BEST IN THE WORLDXX LOVE YAS AND MISSS YAS TO EVERYONE WHO READS THIS THANKS FOR READING XXXXX

  10. 10
    Alan on 14 May 2007 #

    the next step is to get you to register (there’s a link on our front page)

  11. 11
    laura patterson on 23 May 2007 #

    hi girls aloud
    i cant wait to see you on 27th may
    you are great cheryl is the best
    i like ashley cole too
    he playes football with his team on tv he
    is going out with cheryl cole from girls aloud.

  12. 12
    laura patterson on 23 May 2007 #

    i have got 2 tickets to go and see girls aloud in consert
    at nottingham arena im going with my brother andrew and chantell
    it will be good fun at the girls aloud consert im going to do a poster
    of girls aloud to take with me to see girls aloud in consert.

  13. 13
    rebecca dempsey on 3 Jul 2007 #

    HIYA WATS EVRYONE UP TO WERE IS THE MARK ON THE FRONT PAGE ALAN SO I NO THENKYOU ANY WAY I LOVE GIRLS ALOUD THEY ARE THE BEST EVER AND IF THEY READ THIS HIYYYYYYYYYYA GIRLS WAT HAVE YOUS ALL BEEN UP TO CARNT WAIT TO SEE YOUS ON TOUR LOVE BECCA DEMPSEYXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

  14. 14
    Alan on 3 Jul 2007 #

    top right on the home page under the search box. it says ‘Register’ — between the ‘Random’ link and the ‘Login’ link.

  15. 15
    SARAH on 24 Apr 2008 #

    I H8 THEM I H8 THEM I H8 THEM

    I like there music little but i can’t stand them as ppl there fuckin so mean nd bitchy nd rnt they spiltin up of suffin

    I HATE CHERYL DA MOST

  16. 16
    DJ Punctum on 24 Apr 2008 #

    I’ve got a bone to pick with Cheryl as well – she called me “fookin’ mental” in GQ magazine!

  17. 17
    CarsmileSteve on 26 Apr 2008 #

    i’m assuming SARAH *is* sarah harding?

  18. 18
    moirah french on 8 May 2008 #

    i just found that comment i wrote oh so long ago, its pretty funny i have to say! and that rebecca WHO ALWAYS TALKS LIKE DIS, shes hysterical! poor old girls aloud, i dont really hate them at all. hairy sacked trannys, haha:)

  19. 19
    Does it matter? on 30 Oct 2008 #

    Girls Aloud suck dick. They should be shot immediately.

  20. 20
    byebyepride on 30 Oct 2008 #

    Dear ‘does it matter?’: plz to post evidence. I’m assuming you know what it looks like from watching your mum at work on the postman.

  21. 21
    rebecca dempsey on 21 Jan 2009 #

    how the fuck do ya think ya are ya sado moiran al slap ya in the face ya dick dont mess aroud with me lad are girl what ever ya are ya tit am a scouser who dosnt give a fuck so keep ya mouth shut and girls aloud are fucking bossssss so dont dis them at least they maid something out of the lives unlike u haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa liverpool for evr all day people scouser 4 life xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  22. 22
    rebecca dempsey on 21 Jan 2009 #

    and tanya h keep ya mouth shut arrrrrrrrr why are u a web desiner and not a singer that the pro with u sadooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo us are all a bunch of nobodys lollolxxxxxxxxxxxx

  23. 23
    Chewshabadoo on 21 Jan 2009 #

    Priceless comments. ‘Moiran’ ‘desiner’.

  24. 24
    rebecca dempsey on 22 Apr 2009 #

    hiya everyone ar ya all ok nice to talk again well in collage in kirkby liverpool doing it and bussins studdys want to be an acountent lol love ya sxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  25. 25
    hayley on 11 Jul 2009 #

    Funny article, i wonder if your eating your words after these years?!

  26. 26
    H on 26 Jul 2009 #

    Best band out of the UK

  27. 27
    Chastened and Stirred on 15 Dec 2012 #

    Is there no God?

    Why are they re-forming?

    Haven’t we suffered enough?

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