Oct 02


I Hate Music12 comments • 2,450 views


An album by King Crimson, I would understand. A CD, an LP, even a work by King Crimson would make sense. But an observation? An observation is something made by lousy alternative comedians when they bang on about how toast (by Streetband featuring Paul Young) always lands butter side down on the carpet or how white people always dance badly. It is not a forty-five minute five song opus of noodling prog nonsense. Though observational comedians at least share a peculiar type of crapness with King Crimson.

The cover puts you in the right mood. A ten year olds painting of a man with very big nostrils with a pained expression on his face. Obviously observed from someone listening to the album. The original 1969 vinyl edition had a fold out poster of this monstrosity to give your kids nightmare – in case the music had not already suceeded. For the music itself is reprehensible tosh. You read above correctly, forty five minutes, five songs. That’s an average of nine minutes a song – which may not be so bad if they were any good, or weren’t subdivided arbitrarily into sub songs like The Dream and The Illusion, but really each track outstays its welcome by on average eight minute fifty nine seconds.

21st Century Schizoid Man – the opener – sounds like the kind of song written by someone who doesn’t think he’ll make it into the 21st Century, and doesn’t know what Schizoid means. The beginning would be impressive if it weren’t for the fact that it sounds like its played on a chorus of kazoos. Followed by I Talk To the Wind, which would be better titled I Piss Into The Wind for the good it does them. And lo – we are already over a third of the way through the album.

Really though the only thing worth mentioning on Observations is “The Court Of The Crimson KING including The Return Of The Fire Witch and The Dance Of The Puppets”. Its worth mentioning mainly because of its ludicrous title and its ridiculously portentous delivery where everytime a doggeral rhyme is set up – Robert Fripp intonates “The Court Of The Crimson KING” as if to congratulate himself. Indeed Sing, String, Begin and Ring are such clever rhymes for king that he really should be slapping himself on the back. Luckily he did more than that and split the band up and went to make lousy ambient records with Brian Eno. And that is an observation.


  1. 1
    Diz on 18 Sep 2006 #

    an average of nine minutes a song – which may not be so bad if they were any good”

    But of course you don’t like music, so it would be impossible for them to be good!

  2. 2
    Dudefella on 17 Nov 2007 #

    Go back to listening to the Backstreet Boys, you clearly have absolutely no talent in listening to or discussing innovative or different music.

  3. 3
    Marcello Carlin on 18 Nov 2007 #

    Ah yes, the Backstreet Boys. Didn’t Pete Sinfield write some of their lyrics?

  4. 4
    Lena on 18 Nov 2007 #

    And Celine Dion and Cher and…

  5. 5
    fritz on 3 Jan 2009 #


  6. 6
    dpasek on 24 Jan 2010 #

    This child just doesn’t get it, she is too young and naive. She wasn’t there, she can’t understand. Don’t be so hard on her.

  7. 7
    Robert Fripp on 22 Apr 2010 #

    Ahahahahahh. Stoopid

  8. 8
    Winston Smith on 22 Apr 2010 #

    Sigh. How dreary. (Yet) Another cynical dupe thinking that snark can pass for insight and intelligence, or that nihilism is somehow not just another excuse for self-satisfied inaction.

    I would suggest the writer look into getting a real job.

  9. 9
    Mikeyc on 17 May 2010 #

    Ha ha, I take this site for what it is, its intentionally controversial and muckraking in order to generate emotion and internet traffic. If she hates music so much why does she bother listening and writing about it?

    FYI the website rateyourmusic.com has this album at No. 14 on the list of all time best records, so many of us would beg to differ.

  10. 10
    fnxtr on 27 Aug 2010 #

    Don’t like it, don’t listen. It’s not like KC is crowding out the latest Lady GaGa for radio time.

  11. 11
    Correction on 1 Jul 2011 #

    Robert Fripp does not sing “In the Court of the Crimson King.” Nor did he write the lyrics. He didn’t even write the music for that song. He just played guitar. I understand that this site is all about your opinion, but you should at least get your facts straight.

  12. 12
    MertKahraman on 9 Apr 2012 #

    Such an inappropriate and cruel text.

    Headon, a blogger, writer or etc., clearly is a hopeless one. Why try to attract people by insulting a work that probably you would never ever seem to achieve, even a pinch of it.

    Seems like Headon is just trying to attract people by underestimating such an album which made impact on Progressive Rock and supported it’s development.

    I’m not even bothering myself to answer you.

    Go listen to Britney Spears Tanya :)

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