VAN MORRISON - Like A Jelly Roll
VAN MORRISON - Like A Jelly Roll
Van The Man. What kind of nickname is that? Its as if he was so dull that the couldn’t think of any distinguishing factors of his personality to hang a sobriquet on. Truth is of course that a lot of people have been brought up with the ridiculous notion that if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Suddenly the name Van The Man makes sense. Well, I have no such compunction.
Van Morrsion is a fat, curmudgeonly old Irish git - whose success lies squarely at the feet of Irish isolationism and racism. His version of red-eyed soul was the nearest the Republic got to Motown, which is to say that it was significantly distanced by an ocean in between. Adding more Celtic lyrical touches ended up with the boglands version of Joe Cocker wibbling pointlessly about shaking his tush in the moonlight, before losing it all completely on Astral Weeks. What is it about Irish popsters that compells them to write songs about dancing under the light of the moon? Surely a lack of light would be the only thing that would make the corpulent Morrison and the stick thin (and rotting significantly) Lynott look good.
Back to the Moondance album though, when Van was supposedly at the height of his powers - before he started doing Christian rhymes with Cliff Richard. It kicks off with “And It Stoned Me”, a song whose drug pretentions are so hidden that even a nun could work them out. But how - you ask - did this mythical substance stone Morrison? Well, it stoned him - and I quote - “Just like a jelly roll”. Suddenly it all makes sense why Van is so damn fat. A roll. Full of jelly. Lawks a lordy, I bet it isn’t a fruit set jelly either - more the scrapings off of the side of a tin of corned beef.
Of course Van, being the God botherer he is, could mean stoned in the biblical sense. The jelly roll line still makes no sense, but the fact that he was getting stoned by people who had bought his other records - and not for the first time. And its happy thoughts like that which will stop me from completely crucifying Morrison in the way he deserves.
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Dan McAllistair on July 19th, 2006
Van Morrison’s nickname is the “Belfast Cowboy” moron. Do some research before you slam the classics.
Jon A. on August 21st, 2006
Gotta love the Internet - where else can you respond to a 5 year old post about an aging Irish rock star?
Duncan Rich on November 27th, 2006
Yeah, you do gotta love it. You also gotta love how some no name no knowledge fool can post their ill informed rants on any given subject at any given time (seriously, you do gotta love it). For this one, lemme explain it:
1. Jelly Roll Morton was the pianist (a white one, at that) who basically invented jazz. He was a huge influence on Van Morrison.
2. “A Jelly Roll” is Irish slang for a blowjob.
3. There’s a really powerful whiskey called Jelly Roll, which happens to be made in belfast.
The last one seems the most likely to me, but you could see how any one of these could “stone” you (bowl you over, shock you, throw you into a stupor/ecstasy, etc, for those who have no command of the english language).
Van is not particularly fat. Howard Taft was fat. Henry VIII was fat. Big Bill Broonzy was fat. Van Morrison is not.
And lastly, if you are really such a brute that you can’t FEEL these songs, and such a moron that you can’t even RECOGNIZE how great they are, then I guess I just have pity for you.
FT's eddy boyd on January 5th, 2007
what can one say about van morrison except:
(he was at) the right place at the right time.
in fairness tho, he does have a few catchy tunes (but nothing that could possibly explain his popularity)
one of which caught my ear some time ago was “and it stoned me”. when i looked up the lyrics i found they were sloppily written and ambiguous. but not even in an interesting way.
however, i’m surprised the bloggers are confused about the term “jelly roll”. (van m. has used it in at least 3 different songs). in a nutshell it’s a sexual reference common among black americans 50 to 100 yrs ago. (it has nothing to do with irish whiskey!)
for further information on the phrase “jelly roll” go to:
http://www.phrases.org.uk/bulletin_board/7/messages/283.html
Barrington on November 30th, 2007
I just can’t believe there’s someone tragic enough to regularly waste their life away writing about things that they really, really dislike. And with such ignorant vitriol!? do you want to talk about it?
elizabethw on November 30th, 2007
Actually, it’s quite well-informed vitriol.
Steve on May 13th, 2008
Actually,
Jellyroll, as he used it in the song, is a metaphor for the female genitalia.
Isn’t that obvious?
Next time you are with your woman, take a closer look :)
Brian on September 12th, 2008
I appreciate the author’s use of the fancy terms, such as “sobriquet” and “corpulent;” but fail to recognize how any of the vitriol could be considered “well-informed.” My suggestion: spend less time with the thesaurus and more time with the dictionary to correct some of those spelling errors.