I Hate Music
STARSHIP – Nothings Gonna Stop Us Now
Except not having another hit ever again. I reckon Grace Slick and Yazz still hang around down Safeways bemoaning the fact that the only way actually isn’t up, and that something did indeed stop them – being attrocious.
Being bedridden in hospital has its down sides as well as its perks. Most of these I irradicated by replacing my saline drip with one parts Tanq and two parts tonic – it glowed eeriely at night but the evening staff barely noticed. However your entertainment factor is limited and I caught myself watching that interminable do-gooding film Philadelphia. Lulled to sleep by the terrible acting of Denzel Washington and Tom Hanks I woke to a start where I heard a tube train rumble through my room. I soon realised that this was not the case – instead it was the evil factory owner of rock (some say The Boss) Bruce Springsteen theme tune.
I’d like to see her pick herself up and try again now…
My dear readers, you perhaps deserve a word or two of explanation. Where have I been for the last two months? Not it would seem that any of you missed me – perhaps you assumed I was dallying once again in Gin Lane and thought no more of it. A forgiveable assumption but the truth is far stranger. I have in fact spent four of the last eight weeks in a coma. It was a close-run thing I can tell you, not helped by gross misdiagnosis on the part of my doctor, who thought I had suffered a stroke when in fact I had lapsed into a near-vegetative state upon hearing The Strokes.
(Note to readers, never get treated where there are staff called Dr Beat, Dr John and Dr Hook. That is not a hospital, it is the bargain bin of HMV and you are unlikely to get cured.)
See Blondie. But all male and posher.
Sorry, am I being unfair to the band du jour? Well I’ve recently been around the world and I, I, I, have been involved in the brokering and selling of many babies and even this isn’t a human rights atrocity which compares to the world going crazy ape bogshit over a New Wave band. Hello America? We did not fight the New Wave wars of 1980 to allow blokes in skinny ties ripping off Magazine to pop back in 2001. We didn’t even fight the New Wave Of New Wave wars in 1994 for this to happen. Mind you fighting S*M*A*S*H and These Animal Men was tantamount to fighting your paraplegic granny with one hand tied behind your back. Too Sussed indeed.
So like B.S.E. any national disaster we suffer will be repeated in the States seven years later. Well unroll my sleeping back and mosquito net if we don’t have a bunch of posh kids feigning attitude and ripping off Wire. Now there is an idea we have never seen before. No, we didn’t have a posh band ripping off Wire knocking around in the mid nineties fronted by someone who looked like a man. The only difference between Elastica and The Strokes is that The Strokes are actually fronted by a man – albeit a weedy whiny one who went to a finishing school. Pity they didn’t finish him off.