Our cup overfloweth with sixth form humour with this classic. A direct descendant of the “Monster Mash”, just not as scary or potato based. Their Casiotone 400 “Scary Sounds” option button must have been pushed – as creapy wafty noises compete with an accordian to create a genuinely unatmospheric backing to some imagined pitch of theirs of Stephen King’s next best-seller. In doing so they not only misunderstand Mr King’s ouvre (who has been way out of “The” prefaced horror novels for at least fifteen years) but create a pastiche so unlikely that even Dean Koontz would not nick it. When they get on to the bit where the hearth rug eats much of a small town in Maine the record both becomes horrifically poor, and yet laughably tame. Therefore a masterpiece in self-contradiction.