A CONVERSATION WITH A PEPSI PUBLICIST CIRCA 1995
Brett Anderson (for tis he): Hi, can I interest you in a song for an advert?
PP: Who is this?
BA: This is Brett Anderson, of the fantastic British Indie, I mean Rock band Suede.
PP: Never heard of you.
BA: How about The London Suede?
PP: Sorry, have you changed your name?
BA: No, no. Its just we are known as the London Suede in the States.
PP: I see you are using “known” in a different sense to its usual usage. Sorry, still never heard of you.
BA: Well anyway, we’ve recorded this great record called New Generation and we thought maybe Pepsi might want to use it in an advert. You know, for your “Choice of a New Generation” campaign.
PP: I am well aware of our promotional slogan. Why do you think we would pick a bunch of lily livered limeys to do it?
BA: Well the song is called New Generation. And we represent a new, revitalising force in music.
PP: O-kay. Can you play me the record then.
Brett plays the tune down the phone, whose rudimentary acoustic abilities – against the odds – actually improves the quality of this sub-glam shocker.
There is a pause while the Publicists tries to take in the horror he has just heard.
PP: You think we would use that on an ad?
BA: Well it is the choice for a new generation.
PP: Sounds like the choice for people who have never heard David Bowie records before to me.
BA: Ha. But you see what we’ve done, we have updated a classic British sound and made it more relevant to a nineties drug taking – I mean Pepsi drinking generation.
PP: And you think references to taking “Poison” in the chorus may not effect our sales.
BA: It refers obliquely to rival products.
PP: Like Animal Nitrate refers “obliquely” to amyl? Please you must work on your grasp of the oblique. Admit it, the song is only called New Generation because you wanted to sell it to us and make some real money, isn’t it? You cannot live off of having number seven singles in the UK, because they only sell twenty copies.
PP: You are a sad, whiney, floppy haired individual who can only be described as a musician who has never had a musical experience.
BA: So you don’t want to buy it?
PP: No. And fuck off. Oh – but before you go. Can you tell me more about this Techno sound you mentioned in the song? That sounds like a choice for a new generation.
BA: I prefer Coke anyway.
PP: So I hear.